Fic: I Wish I Knew How to Quit You
Title: I Wish I Knew How to Quit You
Author: queenofday
Rating: PG-13
Genre and/or Pairing:Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Summary: A 33-year old Stiles gets sent back to 2012 and everything is orgies and witches and awkwardness. Also, Stiles and Derek have a porno? Yes, they do.
2029
Stiles is sitting in the middle of the Hale house living room, surrounded by the rest of pack. It's movie night and they're watching Brokeback Mountain. It was Erica's choice to watch the movie,and everyone is watching with intense interest, especially Derek, and it doesn't surprise Stiles, because Derek is secretly a softie; especially when it's just the two of them together. And plus watching Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger have sex is hot.
The movie is almost half over, and they're at the part when Jack is talking to Ennis after their like tenth 'fishing' trip. Stiles smiles and leans over to Derek, "I wish I knew how to quit you" Stiles says in a whisper of fake desperation. Although he whispered it, the whole pack heard it and he gets a collective groan of disgust, Derek huffs a laugh.
Erica pulls on his hair in reprimand, this is another reason he wishes he was still sporting the buzz-cut he used to have in highschool, but at the same time he doesn't, cause Derek is a hair puller, mostly when they are making out and things are getting really hot and heavy. Now he has hair long enough to run his fingers through and he looks good, even Danny admitted so.
"Stiles, don't be such a dork" Lydia chastises from her spot in Jackson's lap, not even looking away from the movie. Stiles rolls his eyes. Whatever, it was cute, okay? And Stiles can tell that Derek appreciated it by the way the corner of his twitched up.
"Yeah dude, we've told you like a million times, it's like watching our parents flirt or something, it's disturbing" Scott adds.
"Oh whatever. Dude! We're so hot together! Did I tell you about the time we were at Jungle and some guy offered us like a bunch of money to be in a por-" Stiles gets cut off by Derek's warm hand resting over his mouth.
In return for his rant he gets blank, confused yet interested, stares from the entire pack, the movie is momentarily forgotten. He immediately realizes what he was about to tell them and looks down ashamed. When he looks back to Derek he finds him with flushed cheeks and the tips of his ears bright red. He swallows the lump and turns his head back to the movie embarrassed for himself and Derek, he thinks he's in the clear, maybe the pack will just let it go and drop it, you know? Maybe the universe will give him a break, but no.
"Were you going to say porno?" Erica asks, and when he looks over to her, she has a shit-eating grin, hell, she looks like the cat that ate the canary.
Stiles opens his mouth ready to reply, then everything goes white and fuzzy.
/\\\/
2012
And the next thing he knows he's gasping for air, lying on the floor, but everything is different. The Hale house is scorched black again, before the whole pack had spent almost two months of summer, night and day, restoring it.
Then he's surround by the pack, but not his pack, not the pack from 2029, he knows this because everyone looks so young. And he's being stared at like some fucking science project gone wrong. He can see his high-school self staring at him with part terror and part fascination; along with the rest of pack. He can also see Derek giving him a sideways look, Stiles has learned his different facial expressions over the years; he's categorized them. This is a look that he has seen plenty of times before, that look means that Derek is deep in concentration and yet utterly confused as well.
He sits up from his position on the floor and clears his throat, removing the knot that was there before and turns to Derek.
"What year is it?", he ask in his 'Official Alpha's Mate" voice; the one he uses at meetings with other alphas and their mates, discussing all types of different problems throughout the werewolf world. He's rewarded with a look of surprise from the alpha himself when his deep voice echoes through the house.
"2012" Derek replies just as gruff as ever, and that voice still sends shivers down his spine. He has time to lay back down on the burn floor and he stares at the hole in the ceiling
"Oh" He replies lamely, "That's kinda fucked up"
Everyone sits there for awhile in silence, and he can feel all of their eyes on him, he's not really worried, he knows that somehow he has been sent back in time, he just doesn't know how or why, but yeah, he's not too worried. He knows that the second he disappeared from the middle of the living room everybody probably freaked the fuck out, and they're probably on their way to Deaton's now, trying to figure out what the hell was going on, or something similar to that.
He breathes out an audible sigh and rolls over onto his stomach. He lays there for a couple more minutes waiting for something to happen, but nothing does. It's only been ten minutes and he's already super bored. He may be 33 years old ,but ADD is still a bitch and since he's still here he decides to just go with the flow. He turns and looks from Derek to past!Stiles, face deadly serious.
"Wanna have a three-way makeout session?"
It's totally worth it when everyones faces go from confused to intrigued to sort of disgusted, and both past!Stiles and Derek turn beet red.
/\\\/
Now he's sitting on the old couch, stuffed between Erica and Lydia with Allison behind him they both will not stop touching his hair. All the guys are sitting on the couch opposite of Stiles and they are giving him looks, mostly Derek. Then he hears someone clear his throat.
"So..." past!Stiles drawls out and god, did Stiles really used to be this awkward?
"How did you get here?" Derek interrupts, all serious, and it's hot, because seriously, Derek being serious has always been hot to Stiles, okay? It's like a weird turn-on or something, but now is not the time for that. Stiles wonders if future!Derek would be mad if he had sex with past!Derek. Stiles smiles, because he probably would get jealous, cause Derek's a possessive bastard like that. And the girls are still petting him like a freaking cat and Isaac Boyd, Scott, and Jackson are still looking at him like the Creature from the Black Lagoon, while Stiles and Derek give him intensely curious stares, and he is still bored so he decides to make up a shit-ton of lies and make all their lives miserable, because, why not?
"Well, it all happened during our bi-weekly orgies" He starts and everybody sort of freezes and Stiles just smiles like nothing is wrong, because the looks on their faces is priceless, so he decides to just keep going.
"Me, Jackson, and Isaac were getting started while everyone else was watching, right? And then -"
"You're lying!" Jackson starts, face twisted in terror, and its fucking hilarious.
"Yeah, I am" he laughs, and Jackson breaths out a relieved sigh as Lydia tugs his hair a little too hard. He turns and gives her a dirty look and she just shrugs. Then he actually answers past!Derek's question seriously, "No, but really, we were all just watching a Brokeback Mountain" At that he gets a weird look, but he chooses to ignore it, "then the next thing I know, I'm here"
Derek opens his mouth the reply, and then Stiles phone rings, he forgot he even had it on him. He stands up and slides it out of his pocket.
"Hello?" He answers
"Stiles?! Thank god you're alive, where the fuck are you?" And it's Derek, he sounds so relieved to hear Stiles is okay and it kind of breaks Stiles' heart.
"I am in the year 2012 actually, and no. I have no idea how I got here"
Stiles can hear future!Derek sigh, "It turns out a witch sent you there. We're at Deaton's now he's explained everything, but the problem is that she's there with you" he finishes.
And now it's Stiles turn to sigh, because, seriously? Fuck witches man. Seriously.
"Just tell me the details and I'll get on it"
/\\\/
Stiles has already explained the plan to past!Scott three times already, and Stiles is trying to keep his cool, but Scott's puppy eyes only work for so long before his stupidity cancels it out. I mean it can't be that hard, everybody else already knows what to do, all they have to do it go and distract the witch's coven while Derek and both Stiles' go kill the witch leader. Then future!Stiles should be homebound in no time. But no, Scott just doesn't.fucking.get it. He keeps looking at Allison, like always, and he's probably having a wet daydream about her right now, instead in listening to Stiles.
Stiles breaths out through his nose and looks away from the stupid that is Scott, and he can see that past!Stiles is trying not to laugh. Stiles just rolls his eyes, past him is an asshole. And he says so.
He looks at his past-self and says "You're an asshole"
Past!Stiles' eyes widen, "Really? You kind of just called yourself an asshole"
Boyd adds "It's true". They both laugh like the little shits they are, but Stiles says nothing. He just flips them both the bird and turns back to Scott with a put upon sigh.
"Scott! You just go distract witches while I, Stiles and Derek go kill witch leader. That's it"
And Stiles finally thinks that Scott understands, until he opens his mouth, "But, how-?". And that's it, he is pissed/annoyed and everyone knows it except Scott, because he is oblivious. He grabs Scott by the shoulders, brushes his legs from under him in one swift movement and they both fall to the floor, Stiles fucking shakes Scott just to get it through his fucking head.
"DUDE! YOU JUST DISTRACT THE WITCHES!" He yells, still shaking the now terrified wolf.
"That's all you had to say! You didn't have to shake and trip me" Scott squeaks.
Stiles clenches his jaw, and gets off Scott, "Let's go!" he yells, he brushes past all of them and strolls over to the Camaro, Derek opens him mouth to protest but the look that Stiles sends him shuts him up immediately. Erica, Isaac, Jackson, Derek and Lydia pile into the car with him while Scott, Allison, Boyd, and other Stiles get into the jeep. And he can hear Allison consoling Scott, and Allison is just a saint, he doesn't know how she can put up with Scott 24/7.
He peels out onto the main road and when they're halfway to their destination Lydia says "That was hot"
/\\\/
The witches are dead and Stiles has the leader underneath him, she's spitting curse words at him, everyone else is watching intently waiting to see what's going to happen, but they're still on alert if anything happens.
"What's your plan behind doing all of this?" He spits, pressing the knife in his hand deeper into her throat. And at that she just laughs.
"Isn't it obvious? You're the alpha's mate, without you, he dies, and with him, his pack. I was planning on sending just myself back to kill you, but somehow you came along for the ride" she shrugs unfazed "You may be human, but you run with wolves, you're just as bad, and you deserve to die just as much as the rest of the mutts you call family"
Stiles huffs, "Whatever. You're just a crazy bitch who's about to die" He shoves his knife into her jugular before she can talk anymore, and he watches as the blood seeps from her neck and the life fades from her eyes. He plucks the knife from her neck, because it was a gift from his dad, and he gets up and wipes the blood on his jeans brushing the sweat from his brow.
As he gets up he notices everyone is staring at him again, "What?" he feels weirdly self-conscious.
Derek breaks the silence, "You're my mate?"
And now he feels awkward, "Yeah. Uh," He looks to past!Stiles and notices the kid's face is ghostly pale, he walks over to himself and places his hands on his past-self's shoulders. The difference between them is so noticeable that it hurts. Although they are the same size, past-him has a buzz-cut, and he's still wiry, and he has no real definition to his muscles, his face still has baby fat and no trace of facial hair, at all, and Stiles grimaces when he see's the outfit he's wearing. Thank god for Lydia and Erica, cause now he is lean and you can see his toned biceps, he's wearing a simple black v-neck, and jeans, his face has a five O'clock shadow because he hasn't shaved in a while, his hair is messy now, the 'I just got out of bed' look, and he is not the same awkward kid from high-school. He looks back at past!Stiles and pulls him into a hug at his distressed look.
"Don't worry, we get so hot, I mean seriously, look at me" He exclaims, and past-him pulls out of the hug.
"I'm kinda more worried about the whole mate thing" He whispers.
"Don't worry 'bout it. The sex is ahhmazing!" And at that his eyes widen in awe, and they both look over at Derek and his mouth is slightly parted but the tips of his ears are red, and his face is flushed. Stiles laughs and pushes past!Stiles towards Derek, they tumble over each other and they both look extremely uncomfortable and it's sort of cute.
He opens his mouth to say more but then everything goes white and fuzzy.
/\\\/
"STILES!" It's the first thing he hears, he opens his eyes to everyone around him with big smiles, and he's happy because they are his pack. The pack from 2029 and they all look significantly older and he doesn't care because he is home.
"Please tell me everything is back to normal?" He asks.
His answer is a chaste kiss from Derek, and he smiles as everyone groans their distaste. Derek pulls away and the rest of the pack crowds onto him, filling the space Derek left empty, and it results in a puppy pile, and it's just nice. He looks up and can see Derek watching with a slight smile upon his lips, his eyebrows go up once and he nods in the direction of their bedroom. He has on his I-want-to-ravish-you-and-make-you-forget-everything-except-my-name eyes, which can only mean one thing.
He pushes on Isaac and Jackson, who are currently on top of him, along with the rest of the pack, and he yells.
"Move! I'm about to have sexy-times with my mate!"
And at that everybody scrambles off him and towards the front door. Stiles launches himself on to Derek's waist a kisses him with fervor as his ass is cupped by big hands. Derek rushes to their room, not stumbling once, even with Stiles wrapped around his body like a fucking monkey. Stiles bites Derek's bottom lip and in reply Derek squeezes his ass, causing a groan.
It's good to be home.
/\\\/
The next day, Erica asks, "So, do you guys have a porno or not?"
Stiles never answers, but his smile and Derek's blush is answer enough.