[CHRONICLES OF NARNIA] The Promise Into the Light- 4/4
Title: The Promise Into the Light
Author: Jourdana Standish/queenmidalah
Artist: hiddencait
Rating: PG
Fandom: The Chronicles of Narnia
Characters/Pairings: Lucy Pevensie/King Caspian
Summary: It's been years since Lucy has been to Narnia after her last adventure on the Dawn Treader with Caspian, Edmund and Eustace. She misses it as much now as she did then, but now she is having dreams that she is back on the Dawn Treader, just days after she last left. Caspian mourns the loss of Lucy, Edmund and Eustace as he and the crew of the Dawn Treader, Lucy most of all because he realized he fell in love with her, but now she's back but incredibly tired and frail. Edmund, Susan and Peter watch as their beloved sister lay in a hospital bed, her life slowly draining away. There is nothing they can do but pray she'll recover, though deep down they know there is no hope. Especially as they hear her whisper about Caspian, Narnia and Aslan while she sleeps.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Chronicles of Narnia. This is all for fun purposes of writing.
Author's Notes: Thank you to hiddencait for the wonderful art work and her cheering me on to actually get this story finished even when I wanted to give up at times.
Warning: Depiction of a major character dying/death.
Link to art master post.
~~~
“What’s going on?!” Susan had seen the commotion as doctors and nurses raced into Lucy’s room. As she entered, Peter and Edmund stood back, their eyes wide and horrified as the doctors and nurses surrounded their sister. Their mother and father, who had returned earlier, stood on the other side of the room. Their mother was hysterical as their father held her back with a look of pure grief on his face. He wanted to run to his daughter, to plead with her to be okay, but his wife needed him now to keep her from doing the same and getting in the way.
“She...” Edmund swallowed the words that suddenly clogged his throat.
“They are trying to sa...” Peter couldn’t get the words out any better.
“It is time, children.”
A voice they had never expected to hear again came from nearby. The three older Pevensies turned, eyes wide and shocked as Aslan’s majestic form filled the small space in Lucy’s hospital room.
“Aslan,” Peter said, dread filling him. A heaviness started to press on his chest. Seeing the lion now could only mean one thing.
“It is time,” Aslan said, sorrow and joy filling his voice.
“Time for what?” Susan asked.
“For Lucy to come home.”
Peter felt his heart drop to his toes. He hadn’t wanted to admit what it meant that Aslan was standing there, telling them it was time.
“Lucy is home,” Susan said, ever the one to fight back. “She is home. She is going to be okay!”
“Aslan,” Edmund said, his voice rough. “I just need to know one thing.”
“No, Ed,” Susan said. “Lucy is going to be fine!”
Edmund ignored his sister and focused solely on Aslan’s feline features. “If Lucy is revived and survives this... will she be the same?”
Aslan was quiet, sorrow filling his majestic form. Slowly his mane started to move, his head shaking a negative response. Edmund felt tears forming.
“No,” Aslan finally said. “No, she won’t. Lucy will forever live almost a half life if she were to survive. She will never be the same, vibrant young woman you all love.”
“But...” Peter asked.
“Lucy is in Narnia,” Aslan said. “She can live there as she always loved. Healthy, vibrant, full of life.”
“Lucy always loved Narnia,” Edmund said, turning his head to his brother. Peter slowly nodded.
“You are sentencing her to death,” Susan said. She spun to her parents, hoping to implore them into talking some sense into her brothers. At that moment, she realized that they weren’t reacting to the massive lion in their daughter’s room. None of the other people were either. All were working on bringing Lucy back.
“Only you can see me,” Aslan said, though his voice sounded more hollow to Susan’s ears. “And the decision is up to Lucy to go.”
Edmund and Peter turned towards their sister’s bed. There Lucy stood, looking healthier than she had in a very long time.
“It is time, child.”
“Why... I thought I was in Narnia,” Lucy said, frowning. “I remember... falling...”
“You were,” Aslan said. “And it’s time for you to come home.”
“No,” Susan said firmly. She tried to step in front of Lucy, but a sob caught in her throat as Lucy walked forward and right through her sister.
“She’s already gone, isn’t she?” Peter said, his throat closing some.
“Yes,” Aslan said. “Her life will continue in Narnia, but her time here is over.”
Edmund felt tears slip onto his cheeks. He looked at his sister, standing beside Aslan. It was a place she always wanted to be, had always longed for. Now it could happen forever.
“We love you, Lucy,” Edmund said. Lucy gave her siblings a soft smile, but said no words. She let her love shine in her eyes before, all too soon, she turned and walked through the sudden gate of light that had formed behind Aslan. Then the light, and Lucy, was gone.
The machines in the room were loud, but the silence was deafening at the same time. They were barely aware of the doctor turning to their parents, telling them that there was nothing they could do. Lucy was too far gone and the illness that had plagued her had finally taken its toll. They were barely able to move as their mother collapsed against their father and sobbed her heartache. One by one, the machines were turned off, the staff of the hospital left. Soon all that remained were the Pevensies and the silence.
~~
The crew of the Dawn Treader couldn’t move. They could only stand and watch, helplessly as their King sobbed on the deck of the ship, cradling Lucy to his chest. No one could tell if she was alive or not and many of the men wouldn’t even move to wipe away the tears that were sliding, unbidden, on their own faces.
Lucy’s eyes suddenly snapped open and she took a gasping breath. It startled everyone around them, especially Caspian as his head snapped up to look at Lucy’s face.
“Lucy?” Caspian asked, his voice shaky.
“Caspian?” Lucy said, her voice husky. “What...” Her hand came up and fingers brushed against the man’s damp cheek. “Tears?”
“Thank Aslan!” Caspian gasped as he pulled Lucy to his chest, hugging her tightly. He buried his face in her hair, breathing in the scent. He let the smell of her fill his lungs and wash over his body to reassure himself that she was okay. “Oh thank Aslan.”
“Caspian, what are... what is it?” Lucy’s arms wound around Caspian, returning his hug. “I remember a hospital room. Seeing Aslan and my family... what...”
“Lucy.”
Caspian went very still against Lucy. With great reluctance, he loosened his hold on her so both of them could look at Aslan. Once again, the great lion stood aboard the ship’s deck, watching them.
“Aslan!” Lucy said, smiling. Her smile faltered some. “Wait... am I...”
“You are in Narnia,” Aslan said.
“For how long?” Lucy asked quietly.
“Forever.” Caspian felt his heart starting to pound. Forever? Did that mean...?
“I’m dead, aren’t I?” Lucy whispered softly. She felt Caspian move closer to her, drawing her back into his chest.
“You passed away in your world, yes,” Aslan said. “Your time there is over. But your time here...” His gaze shifted to Caspian.
Lucy was not unaware of the look. She shifted to look at Caspian herself, studying the man’s face. Suddenly the warmth she had seen in his quarters intensified and there was something more within the depths, something she had seen suppressed before as if he had been hiding it from her.
“What does he... mean?” she asked him softly.
“He... he means that...” Caspian had to lick his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. What if she didn’t want as he did? What then?
“He means that your time here in Narnia could just be beginning. Again. With me,” he said quietly. “If... if you want.”
“If I...” Lucy swallowed the sudden nervousness she felt. Words were failing her, but she needed absolute certainty. A part of her knew what Caspian meant, but she needed to know.
“What do you want?” she asked quietly. She could not, would not, look to Liliandil. Too many uncertainties still plagued her from her memories.
“You,” Caspian said softly. “Lucy, I want you. Losing you, saying good-bye a few short days ago... It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Something I never want to do again for a very long time, if ever. Just now... I thought I lost you all over again. I thought Aslan had changed his mind...”
“It’s been years for me,” Lucy said softly. “I never... I never thought I’d see...” She swallowed the tears that wanted to fall. “Liliandil...”
“A friend,” Caspian said. “A new friend, and I hope a dear one for us both in the future.” Caspian shifted his body to cup Lucy’s face in his hands.
“Dear sweet, Lucy the Valiant,” Caspian said. “It’s you I love. Now and forever. I want you by my side in Cair Paraval and I hope that you will have me.”
Lucy felt tears slip onto her cheeks, but her smile was still radiant. She covered one of Caspian’s hands with one of her own. “I will always have you, King Caspian. Now and forever.”
~~
Lucy breathed in the air of Cair Paraval deeply as she stood on the balcony of her former rooms. She was currently sharing them with Liliandil, who had chosen to return with them after all. She was curious if romance had started to blossom between the star and Caspian’s rather stoic captain and friend along the way as Liliandil was often in Drinian’s company since they had returned to Narnia.
She was grateful to be back and had to laugh at the hustle and bustle going on now that news had emerged that she had agreed to become Caspian’s wife during their return journey to Narnia. Every merchant in Narnia was preparing for the festivities that would take place in honor of their King’s nuptials, especially with the knowledge that it was to one of the Queens of Narnia’s Golden Age. It pleased her to see how Narnia had, in fact, grown and prospered under Caspian’s rule. She had always known he would be a good and fair king, despite the tumultuous beginning to his reign and gaining his rightful place as King.
Turning away from the sights below, Lucy walked back into the room. She couldn’t shake the feeling of sorrow she had been feeling. Caspian had worried she was not as truly happy as she proclaimed, but she had reassured him that she was. She suspected much of her sorrow was due to her family not being there with them and knowing she may never see any of them again.
“You fret, dear one.”
Lucy spun on her heel and smiled. “Aslan.”
“You come upon a festive occasion and yet you fret,” Aslan said, padding over to her.
“It’s nothing,” Lucy said, smiling softly. Aslan merely tilted his head and she knew that it was not an answer that would satisfy him.
“I miss them.”
Aslan bowed his head in understanding, padding on large paws over to her. Lucy easily folded until she sat on the floor as she had when but a child. Aslan settled down in front of her, crossing one paw over the other in a show of relaxation.
“It is understandable that you do,” Aslan said. “They are your family and you love them. But fear not, my dear one. You will see most of them again.”
Lucy frowned. “Most?” she asked.
“It is not your story to know,” Aslan said, his voice taking on the usual cryptic quality she had always associated with him. Unlike many, it did not frustrate her. She knew Aslan would never steer her wrong or any of them, even when she desperately wanted answers he couldn’t give.
“The friends of Narnia will be reunited again,” Aslan said. “When the time is right. That time is not now, however. It is a loss for you. As they mourn you in one world, you must mourn your time away from them here.”
Despite the happiness she felt at her future in Narnia, tears still filled Lucy’s eyes as she realized that Aslan was right. She had to mourn her family, even though they were still alive in England. They would be mourning her death there, never to truly understand that her future was bright here in Narnia.
“It is okay to cry, dear one,” Aslan said softly. “Sometimes it is necessary to cleanse what ails us.” She said nothing, simply bowed her head and let the tears fall. She soon found herself cuddled against Aslan’s body, her face buried in his mane as she felt her heart break then begin to mend.
~~
Peter picked up a picture that he had kept with him all the time, staring down at it. When had it been taken again? He studied his face, and Lucy’s, in the image. They had been so young then. It was probably a few days after they had turned from Narnia that second time. Peter had been crestfallen at the knowledge that he and Susan would never return to Narnia. That they had outgrown it. Susan had embraced letting go of the fairytale, but Peter had loved Narnia and all it had been to him.
Lucy had been the one to help him through the loss of it all. They had become closer as siblings because of it. He would do anything to protect his little sister. A protectiveness that had become stronger during their first adventure in Narnia when he almost thought he had lost her in the river when the White Witch’s guard were after them and he had lost his grip on Lucy when the river swept them downstream. When he had seen her, wet and shivering, he had never felt such joy in his life. He had treasured every moment with this sister from that day on, even when she had been at her most annoying as the baby of the family.
Who was there for him now as he mourned? The one who helped him deal with so many losses was now the one lost to him forever. His face screwed up as the pain assaulted him. Peter pulled the picture to his chest, hugging it as he slid along the wall until he was seated on the floor. And he sobbed as his heart broke.
~~
Susan sighed and slammed the book in her hand shut, tossing it onto her bed. She had read the same sentence for the past half hour, but nothing penetrated the fog of sorrow she felt. Nothing felt right anymore. So many had come by, visiting, giving their condolences, and all Susan wanted to do was scream at them to go away.
She felt lost, so incredibly lost. Peter was keeping to himself, mourning as privately as he could in order to be strong for them. But for what purpose? Edmund walked around in an angry fog, when not spouting off something to them in private about Lucy being at peace. Peace? What good was peace when their sister was gone? What sort of peace was that to die?
A few times, Narnia had been mentioned but Susan would hear none of it. In order to keep from snapping in front of their parents, she would simply leave the room. Narnia had been in their imaginations and she resented that her brothers continued to bring it up as an excuse for accepting that their sister was now dead.
Getting to her feet, Susan walked over to her closet and began looking through her clothes for something for the funeral. Her movements became angrier and angrier before she finally began ripping things off the hangers and throwing them around her room. She did her best to keep the noise level down, finally grabbing a pillow from her bed to scream into it. She collapsed onto her bed sobbing as her heart broke.
~~
Edmund leaned his head back against the window frame where he sat on the padded ledge. He could hear the noise in Susan’s room as her anger took over. He closed his eyes, swallowing at the lump forming in his throat. He wanted, needed, to believe that Aslan had taken Lucy back to Narnia. He had to.
Even as he made his mind focus on that, he still wished he could see her one more time. He had left too many things unsaid. Even thought he had rarely left Lucy’s side since she had fallen ill and went into the hospital, there were still so many things he hadn’t told her. Maybe, like Peter, he had always held out hope that a miracle would occur.
But a miracle had, only it wasn’t the miracle they had all wanted. Now there he sat, wishing he had just a little more time to tell her all he had wanted to. His heart broke as he realized he would never get that chance.
~~
Lucy saw Aslan approaching in the mirror behind her. She smiled softly at the majestic lion, so glad that he was going to be in attendance on her wedding day. She only wished that she did not feel such sorrow. She loved Caspian. She adored that she was going to become one with him, but the feeling would not dissipate.
“You are troubled, dear one,” Aslan said, using the pet name for her that he always had.
“I’m confused,” Lucy said. “Today is a joyous day and yet I feel sorrow as well. An immense wave of sorrow overtakes me and I do not understand why. I thought I had dealt with these emotions already.”
“One chapter is closing and another is beginning,” Aslan said cryptically. “Come. There is something you must do before a new chapter can begin for you.”
~~
Edmund stared at his hands as they waited for the car that would pick them up and take them all to the church where Lucy’s funeral would be held before she was taken to the cemetery. He was trying to hold onto the image that she was really in Narnia forever, not unmoving in a coffin that was to be placed into the ground. A tear slipped from his eye and slid down his cheek before he quickly dashed it away.
“I wish we could see her one last time,” Peter said quietly. “Just to know that Aslan got her safely to Narnia...”
“Narnia doesn’t exist,” Susan snapped. “Aslan doesn’t exist. It was nothing but a figment of our imaginations as children. Stop talking nonsense. Lucy’s dead! If Aslan were real, he wouldn’t have let her die. He failed her.”
“Aslan never failed Lucy,” Peter snapped back. “He loved Lucy. And Lucy loved Narnia. He took her to where she most wanted to be. She never stopped--.”
“I never stopped believing and I never will.”
Peter spun around as he heard her voice, Susan’s jaw dropping. Edmund rose and looked, eyes wide at his sister who was a vision in white. As he studied her, he realized that she was not dressed as an angel, but an ethereal bride. A true Queen preparing to wed.
“Lucy,” Peter whispered.
Lucy offered them a sad smile, yet joy also radiated from her face. “Do not be sad,” she said. “For this is a most joyous day for me.”
“Joyous?” Susan asked, incredulity slipping into her voice. “Joyous?! We mourn you and you say it is joyous?”
“As you mourn me in this world,” Lucy said. “I marry in another. Aslan knew I would need to see you this day. He has allowed me this one gift on my wedding day. To let me understand the sorrow I was feeling when I should be elated. And to let you see and understand that I truly am okay now. I am at peace, I am happy and I am where I belong.”
“You belong here, with us,” Susan said. She still stubbornly refused to believe, once again, in Narnia and all it stood for. She refused to believe that her sister, despite seeing her now, was in a place beyond preparing to be put into the cold, English ground where she would forever lay.
“I am where I belong,” Lucy said firmly. “Regardless of what you believe, Susan, I was not going to survive what ailed me. Aslan knew that and he brought me home. Where I belong. Where I will be with the one I love and we are to be wed.”
“Who?” Susan and Peter both asked as Edmund said: “Caspian.”
“What? Caspian?” Susan asked as Peter frowned. He knew that Lucy had a crush on Caspian even shortly after returning the very last time he and Susan were in Narnia. And he knew, from what Edmund had said, that they had seemed closer the last time Edmund and Lucy had gone with Eustace, but...
“Yes,” Lucy said, smiling. Edmund was not surprised, but Peter noticed that her smile was more radiant than the stars that shone in the sky. He could see the love in Lucy’s eyes and knew that despite the potential for never seeing him again, Lucy’s love hadn’t diminished for Caspian over the years and had only grown.
“How much time passed?” Edmund asked.
“Aslan brought me to Narnia just moments after we would have left the last time. They were preparing to sail back to Ramandu’s Island,” Lucy said. “I was aboard the Dawn Treader.”
“And now you are marrying Caspian,” Edmund said, giving her a sad, but happy smile. “I wish we could see it.”
Lucy moved towards her brother, reaching for his hands. “I wish that too,” she admitted. “But please do not be sad for me. For today really is a joyous day.”
“Not for us,” Susan said bitterly.
“Susan, please,” Lucy said.
“I understand why she is upset,” Peter said. “I am glad you are happy and that you will find happiness and peace with Caspian. But you won’t be here with us.”
“Do not lose faith, Peter,” Lucy said. “A day will come when we will be together again in Aslan’s country and it will feel like but a day has passed.”
“Narnia doesn’t exist,” Susan said. “Aslan doesn’t!” Lucy’s heart broke as her sister spun on a heel and quickly left the room, heading to join their grieving parents.
“She never did believe as much as you did,” Peter said sadly. “Despite all that we saw and experienced.”
“I fear for her,” Lucy admitted. “That her words and actions will lead to her not being a friend of Narnia. I do not want to think that I’ll never see her again.”
Edmund brushed his knuckles against his sister’s cheek. “You truly believe in Aslan’s country?”
Lucy gave her brothers a beautiful smile. “Of course,” she said. “To see me standing before you should show that. To see me in my wedding dress...” She squeezed Edmund’s hand and reached for Peter’s. “Promise me something.”
“We can try,” Peter said. He smiled when Lucy gave him a soft glare. “Of course.”
“Remember this,” she said. “Remember me like this, not the sickly creature you saw waste away before I finally joined Aslan and Caspian. Promise me that. Promise me that any tears you shed today are ones of joy for the journey I am about to embark on. Not tears of sadness because I am not here with you. We will be together again, I promise. It may be years for all of us, but it will seem like no time has passed when we see one another again.”
Edmund’s eyes filled with tears. “Luce...”
“Please,” Lucy said quietly. “For me. As a wedding present.”
Peter bit his lip, a sob wanting to release its hold on him. He cleared his throat a few times, his head lowered. When he lifted his head to look at her again, he gave his little sister a tremulous smile. “For you. As a wedding present.”
“Lucy.”
Peter and Edmund looked over as Lucy turned. There stood Caspian, dressed in his full regal wedding attire.
“Aslan said it’s time, my love,” Caspian said, his eyes full of love and warmth for the youngest Pevensie.
Lucy felt tears forming. She gave Caspian a tremulous smile and a nod before turning to her brothers. Peter wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her close. He closed his eyes, wanting to give into the sorrow that was filling every inch of his body- but he had made a promise. He pulled back from the hug, looking over to Caspian as Edmund took Lucy into his arms.
“Promise me you’ll take care of her,” Peter said. “And love her.”
Caspian offered his old friend a smile, extending his hand to him. “I will and I do,” he said. They clasped forearms before Peter pulled Caspian into a hug as well.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
“Always,” Caspian said. He nodded to Edmund, noting how he had grown and matured since Edmund last remembered them meeting. For Caspian, it was only a few short weeks.
“Remember,” Lucy said. “No tears of sorrow. Only tears of joy.”
“We wish you a long and happy life, Lu,” Peter said, his voice thick with tears. “We’ll meet you again.”
“You better,” Lucy said, laughing even as tears slipped onto her cheeks. “Don’t ever forsake Aslan. Always remember him, teach your children about him. When it is time for you to come to Aslan’s country...” She looked at Caspian. He put his arm around her and she leaned into his side before looking back at her brothers. “We’ll be there. Waiting to welcome you home.”
“Good-bye, Lucy, Caspian,” Edmund whispered. “Until we meet again.”
“We love you, Lu,” Peter said quietly. “We’ll always remember.”
Lucy smiled at her brothers. Caspian bowed to the once Kings of Narnia before turning to lead his future wife back towards the light that separated their worlds. Pausing just before they entered it, Lucy turned back. She needed to see her brothers one more time. Giving them a radiant smile and a wave, she took Caspian’s arm and left their world. Forever.
~~
Caspian frowned as something pulled him from slumber. His hand moved to his left where his Queen should have been, but the bed was empty. Fully awake, Caspian sat up, expecting everything to have been a dream. He frowned when he saw the lace from Lucy’s wedding veil draped over a nearby chair. At least that hadn’t been a dream, nor had their wedding night. So where was his bride? He heard a soft swish of fabric coming from the balcony that looked out over the beach of Cair Paraval and he knew.
Lucy stood on the balcony, staring out into the night. Despite seeing her family, she still felt a slight hollowness at the knowledge that she wouldn’t see them again for a very long time. Though perhaps it would only be a few weeks. She never knew how Narnia would compare to England.
“You seem very far away,” Caspian said, breaking into Lucy’s thoughts.
Lucy turned, smiling softly at her husband. As he wrapped strong arms around her, she melted into his embrace. “A little,” she finally admitted. “I keep thinking about my family.”
Caspian shifted his head, pressing a soft kiss to the skin of Lucy’s bare shoulder before resting his chin in that same spot. “I am not surprised,” he said. “I would have been surprised if you weren’t thinking about them.”
“It’s my wedding night,” Lucy said, a touch of embarrassment in her tone. “I should be thinking only of my new husband.”
Caspian smiled softly before lifting his head and straightening. He shifted his body so he was able to look into his wife’s lovely face. “My love, wedding night it may be, but the knowledge that you are forever gone to them is not an easy emotion to deal with,” he said.
“Aslan said--,” Lucy started to protest.
“I know.” He was quick to reassure her. “But it could be some time before you are reunited and I worry that you will only be reunited with a scant few. You heard Aslan’s words. That those who are friends of Narnia shall find its joys again.”
“Susan,” Lucy said quietly. “You mean Susan.”
“Mmm,” Caspian murmured. “Mostly her, yes. But anything can happen to make any of them stop believing in Narnia and are no longer its friend.”
“Peter and Edmund would never stop believing,” Lucy said firmly. Her vehemence brought a smile to Caspian’s face.
“Then, my love, we shall see them again,” he said. He took her hands and lifted them to his lips, pressing a lingering kiss as his love and need for her shone in his eyes.
“Come. It is our wedding night, after all.” Lucy simply smiled and allowed her husband to lead her back to bed.
~~
Edmund carefully made his way through the many headstones of the graveyard until he came to a fresh mound of dirt. As was typical in England, the weather was overcast. It felt like his entire life had been overcast since the day of Lucy’s funeral when they had truly said good-bye to her. The weather had gone between a cold drizzle to pouring rain over the past week since her funeral had taken place. Each day he found himself heading towards this very spot, only to find some reason to not finish the journey.
Despite Edmund’s promise to Lucy before she returned to Narnia one last time, he could not bring himself to celebrate her joy that day. Instead he had turned into himself to face the pain he felt. Only he hadn’t dealt with it at all. He hadn’t faced the pain. It was slowly consuming him. Many had said that a week wasn’t quite long enough to deal with it, but he felt as if he were failing his sister by not living up to his promise.
“Lu, I am trying so hard to remember you are in a better place,” Edmund said to the dirt. “I know you are. I saw you. I saw how much love you have for Caspian and he has for you. But I just...”
His breath hitched, but he pressed on.
“I left so many things unsaid between us,” he said. “So many things. I never fully apologized for how I was to you when we were children. I never fully apologized for doubting you about Narnia. For doubting you ever. I wasn’t worthy of you as a sister and I knew that. Yet I took too long to realize just what you were to me. To all of us. Now you’re gone.”
He knelt, his hand pressing down into the muddy earth covering Lucy’s grave. The rain started to fall harder and it mingled with the tears now slipping down his cheeks.
“I love you, Lu,” Edmund said. “No one could ever have a little sister like you and not love her. I am so sorry for being a git so often to you. I always promised myself I’d make it up to you, somehow, but I never expected to run out of time with you.”
A slash of light appeared across Edmund’s hand. He blinked a few times, flexing his fingers and felt the warmth. He shifted his head to look towards the sky. Warmth spread through him as he saw a cloud, shaped much like the head of a lion in full roar above him. The single ray of light that now warmed his hand came from its mouth. He watched, fascinated, as the cloud shifted, the lion’s mouth looking as if it were closing and extinguishing the small ray of light as it did so.
A laugh escaped Edmund’s throat as he shook his head. He looked back at Lucy’s grave, his fingers flexing one more time in the muddy dirt. He moved and placed the single pink rose he had brought on top of the mound before straightening. The rain was starting to come down harder and soon his hand was free of the mud.
“See you soon, Lu.”
Edmund turned, his hand clean and his heart open. For the first time since making his promise, he actually felt like he was the man his sister deserved as a brother. He made another promise to himself that he would see his sister again. And Caspian. Even if it took years to do so, he would see them again. He would make sure that when he had children, that they knew very well who Aslan was, what Narnia was all about, and most importantly all they could ever know about their aunt, Lucy the Valiant. Queen of Narnia.
Author: Jourdana Standish/queenmidalah
Artist: hiddencait
Rating: PG
Fandom: The Chronicles of Narnia
Characters/Pairings: Lucy Pevensie/King Caspian
Summary: It's been years since Lucy has been to Narnia after her last adventure on the Dawn Treader with Caspian, Edmund and Eustace. She misses it as much now as she did then, but now she is having dreams that she is back on the Dawn Treader, just days after she last left. Caspian mourns the loss of Lucy, Edmund and Eustace as he and the crew of the Dawn Treader, Lucy most of all because he realized he fell in love with her, but now she's back but incredibly tired and frail. Edmund, Susan and Peter watch as their beloved sister lay in a hospital bed, her life slowly draining away. There is nothing they can do but pray she'll recover, though deep down they know there is no hope. Especially as they hear her whisper about Caspian, Narnia and Aslan while she sleeps.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Chronicles of Narnia. This is all for fun purposes of writing.
Author's Notes: Thank you to hiddencait for the wonderful art work and her cheering me on to actually get this story finished even when I wanted to give up at times.
Warning: Depiction of a major character dying/death.
Link to art master post.
~~~
“What’s going on?!” Susan had seen the commotion as doctors and nurses raced into Lucy’s room. As she entered, Peter and Edmund stood back, their eyes wide and horrified as the doctors and nurses surrounded their sister. Their mother and father, who had returned earlier, stood on the other side of the room. Their mother was hysterical as their father held her back with a look of pure grief on his face. He wanted to run to his daughter, to plead with her to be okay, but his wife needed him now to keep her from doing the same and getting in the way.
“She...” Edmund swallowed the words that suddenly clogged his throat.
“They are trying to sa...” Peter couldn’t get the words out any better.
“It is time, children.”
A voice they had never expected to hear again came from nearby. The three older Pevensies turned, eyes wide and shocked as Aslan’s majestic form filled the small space in Lucy’s hospital room.
“Aslan,” Peter said, dread filling him. A heaviness started to press on his chest. Seeing the lion now could only mean one thing.
“It is time,” Aslan said, sorrow and joy filling his voice.
“Time for what?” Susan asked.
“For Lucy to come home.”
Peter felt his heart drop to his toes. He hadn’t wanted to admit what it meant that Aslan was standing there, telling them it was time.
“Lucy is home,” Susan said, ever the one to fight back. “She is home. She is going to be okay!”
“Aslan,” Edmund said, his voice rough. “I just need to know one thing.”
“No, Ed,” Susan said. “Lucy is going to be fine!”
Edmund ignored his sister and focused solely on Aslan’s feline features. “If Lucy is revived and survives this... will she be the same?”
Aslan was quiet, sorrow filling his majestic form. Slowly his mane started to move, his head shaking a negative response. Edmund felt tears forming.
“No,” Aslan finally said. “No, she won’t. Lucy will forever live almost a half life if she were to survive. She will never be the same, vibrant young woman you all love.”
“But...” Peter asked.
“Lucy is in Narnia,” Aslan said. “She can live there as she always loved. Healthy, vibrant, full of life.”
“Lucy always loved Narnia,” Edmund said, turning his head to his brother. Peter slowly nodded.
“You are sentencing her to death,” Susan said. She spun to her parents, hoping to implore them into talking some sense into her brothers. At that moment, she realized that they weren’t reacting to the massive lion in their daughter’s room. None of the other people were either. All were working on bringing Lucy back.
“Only you can see me,” Aslan said, though his voice sounded more hollow to Susan’s ears. “And the decision is up to Lucy to go.”
Edmund and Peter turned towards their sister’s bed. There Lucy stood, looking healthier than she had in a very long time.
“It is time, child.”
“Why... I thought I was in Narnia,” Lucy said, frowning. “I remember... falling...”
“You were,” Aslan said. “And it’s time for you to come home.”
“No,” Susan said firmly. She tried to step in front of Lucy, but a sob caught in her throat as Lucy walked forward and right through her sister.
“She’s already gone, isn’t she?” Peter said, his throat closing some.
“Yes,” Aslan said. “Her life will continue in Narnia, but her time here is over.”
Edmund felt tears slip onto his cheeks. He looked at his sister, standing beside Aslan. It was a place she always wanted to be, had always longed for. Now it could happen forever.
“We love you, Lucy,” Edmund said. Lucy gave her siblings a soft smile, but said no words. She let her love shine in her eyes before, all too soon, she turned and walked through the sudden gate of light that had formed behind Aslan. Then the light, and Lucy, was gone.
The machines in the room were loud, but the silence was deafening at the same time. They were barely aware of the doctor turning to their parents, telling them that there was nothing they could do. Lucy was too far gone and the illness that had plagued her had finally taken its toll. They were barely able to move as their mother collapsed against their father and sobbed her heartache. One by one, the machines were turned off, the staff of the hospital left. Soon all that remained were the Pevensies and the silence.
~~
The crew of the Dawn Treader couldn’t move. They could only stand and watch, helplessly as their King sobbed on the deck of the ship, cradling Lucy to his chest. No one could tell if she was alive or not and many of the men wouldn’t even move to wipe away the tears that were sliding, unbidden, on their own faces.
Lucy’s eyes suddenly snapped open and she took a gasping breath. It startled everyone around them, especially Caspian as his head snapped up to look at Lucy’s face.
“Lucy?” Caspian asked, his voice shaky.
“Caspian?” Lucy said, her voice husky. “What...” Her hand came up and fingers brushed against the man’s damp cheek. “Tears?”
“Thank Aslan!” Caspian gasped as he pulled Lucy to his chest, hugging her tightly. He buried his face in her hair, breathing in the scent. He let the smell of her fill his lungs and wash over his body to reassure himself that she was okay. “Oh thank Aslan.”
“Caspian, what are... what is it?” Lucy’s arms wound around Caspian, returning his hug. “I remember a hospital room. Seeing Aslan and my family... what...”
“Lucy.”
Caspian went very still against Lucy. With great reluctance, he loosened his hold on her so both of them could look at Aslan. Once again, the great lion stood aboard the ship’s deck, watching them.
“Aslan!” Lucy said, smiling. Her smile faltered some. “Wait... am I...”
“You are in Narnia,” Aslan said.
“For how long?” Lucy asked quietly.
“Forever.” Caspian felt his heart starting to pound. Forever? Did that mean...?
“I’m dead, aren’t I?” Lucy whispered softly. She felt Caspian move closer to her, drawing her back into his chest.
“You passed away in your world, yes,” Aslan said. “Your time there is over. But your time here...” His gaze shifted to Caspian.
Lucy was not unaware of the look. She shifted to look at Caspian herself, studying the man’s face. Suddenly the warmth she had seen in his quarters intensified and there was something more within the depths, something she had seen suppressed before as if he had been hiding it from her.
“What does he... mean?” she asked him softly.
“He... he means that...” Caspian had to lick his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. What if she didn’t want as he did? What then?
“He means that your time here in Narnia could just be beginning. Again. With me,” he said quietly. “If... if you want.”
“If I...” Lucy swallowed the sudden nervousness she felt. Words were failing her, but she needed absolute certainty. A part of her knew what Caspian meant, but she needed to know.
“What do you want?” she asked quietly. She could not, would not, look to Liliandil. Too many uncertainties still plagued her from her memories.
“You,” Caspian said softly. “Lucy, I want you. Losing you, saying good-bye a few short days ago... It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Something I never want to do again for a very long time, if ever. Just now... I thought I lost you all over again. I thought Aslan had changed his mind...”
“It’s been years for me,” Lucy said softly. “I never... I never thought I’d see...” She swallowed the tears that wanted to fall. “Liliandil...”
“A friend,” Caspian said. “A new friend, and I hope a dear one for us both in the future.” Caspian shifted his body to cup Lucy’s face in his hands.
“Dear sweet, Lucy the Valiant,” Caspian said. “It’s you I love. Now and forever. I want you by my side in Cair Paraval and I hope that you will have me.”
Lucy felt tears slip onto her cheeks, but her smile was still radiant. She covered one of Caspian’s hands with one of her own. “I will always have you, King Caspian. Now and forever.”
~~
Lucy breathed in the air of Cair Paraval deeply as she stood on the balcony of her former rooms. She was currently sharing them with Liliandil, who had chosen to return with them after all. She was curious if romance had started to blossom between the star and Caspian’s rather stoic captain and friend along the way as Liliandil was often in Drinian’s company since they had returned to Narnia.
She was grateful to be back and had to laugh at the hustle and bustle going on now that news had emerged that she had agreed to become Caspian’s wife during their return journey to Narnia. Every merchant in Narnia was preparing for the festivities that would take place in honor of their King’s nuptials, especially with the knowledge that it was to one of the Queens of Narnia’s Golden Age. It pleased her to see how Narnia had, in fact, grown and prospered under Caspian’s rule. She had always known he would be a good and fair king, despite the tumultuous beginning to his reign and gaining his rightful place as King.
Turning away from the sights below, Lucy walked back into the room. She couldn’t shake the feeling of sorrow she had been feeling. Caspian had worried she was not as truly happy as she proclaimed, but she had reassured him that she was. She suspected much of her sorrow was due to her family not being there with them and knowing she may never see any of them again.
“You fret, dear one.”
Lucy spun on her heel and smiled. “Aslan.”
“You come upon a festive occasion and yet you fret,” Aslan said, padding over to her.
“It’s nothing,” Lucy said, smiling softly. Aslan merely tilted his head and she knew that it was not an answer that would satisfy him.
“I miss them.”
Aslan bowed his head in understanding, padding on large paws over to her. Lucy easily folded until she sat on the floor as she had when but a child. Aslan settled down in front of her, crossing one paw over the other in a show of relaxation.
“It is understandable that you do,” Aslan said. “They are your family and you love them. But fear not, my dear one. You will see most of them again.”
Lucy frowned. “Most?” she asked.
“It is not your story to know,” Aslan said, his voice taking on the usual cryptic quality she had always associated with him. Unlike many, it did not frustrate her. She knew Aslan would never steer her wrong or any of them, even when she desperately wanted answers he couldn’t give.
“The friends of Narnia will be reunited again,” Aslan said. “When the time is right. That time is not now, however. It is a loss for you. As they mourn you in one world, you must mourn your time away from them here.”
Despite the happiness she felt at her future in Narnia, tears still filled Lucy’s eyes as she realized that Aslan was right. She had to mourn her family, even though they were still alive in England. They would be mourning her death there, never to truly understand that her future was bright here in Narnia.
“It is okay to cry, dear one,” Aslan said softly. “Sometimes it is necessary to cleanse what ails us.” She said nothing, simply bowed her head and let the tears fall. She soon found herself cuddled against Aslan’s body, her face buried in his mane as she felt her heart break then begin to mend.
~~
Peter picked up a picture that he had kept with him all the time, staring down at it. When had it been taken again? He studied his face, and Lucy’s, in the image. They had been so young then. It was probably a few days after they had turned from Narnia that second time. Peter had been crestfallen at the knowledge that he and Susan would never return to Narnia. That they had outgrown it. Susan had embraced letting go of the fairytale, but Peter had loved Narnia and all it had been to him.
Lucy had been the one to help him through the loss of it all. They had become closer as siblings because of it. He would do anything to protect his little sister. A protectiveness that had become stronger during their first adventure in Narnia when he almost thought he had lost her in the river when the White Witch’s guard were after them and he had lost his grip on Lucy when the river swept them downstream. When he had seen her, wet and shivering, he had never felt such joy in his life. He had treasured every moment with this sister from that day on, even when she had been at her most annoying as the baby of the family.
Who was there for him now as he mourned? The one who helped him deal with so many losses was now the one lost to him forever. His face screwed up as the pain assaulted him. Peter pulled the picture to his chest, hugging it as he slid along the wall until he was seated on the floor. And he sobbed as his heart broke.
~~
Susan sighed and slammed the book in her hand shut, tossing it onto her bed. She had read the same sentence for the past half hour, but nothing penetrated the fog of sorrow she felt. Nothing felt right anymore. So many had come by, visiting, giving their condolences, and all Susan wanted to do was scream at them to go away.
She felt lost, so incredibly lost. Peter was keeping to himself, mourning as privately as he could in order to be strong for them. But for what purpose? Edmund walked around in an angry fog, when not spouting off something to them in private about Lucy being at peace. Peace? What good was peace when their sister was gone? What sort of peace was that to die?
A few times, Narnia had been mentioned but Susan would hear none of it. In order to keep from snapping in front of their parents, she would simply leave the room. Narnia had been in their imaginations and she resented that her brothers continued to bring it up as an excuse for accepting that their sister was now dead.
Getting to her feet, Susan walked over to her closet and began looking through her clothes for something for the funeral. Her movements became angrier and angrier before she finally began ripping things off the hangers and throwing them around her room. She did her best to keep the noise level down, finally grabbing a pillow from her bed to scream into it. She collapsed onto her bed sobbing as her heart broke.
~~
Edmund leaned his head back against the window frame where he sat on the padded ledge. He could hear the noise in Susan’s room as her anger took over. He closed his eyes, swallowing at the lump forming in his throat. He wanted, needed, to believe that Aslan had taken Lucy back to Narnia. He had to.
Even as he made his mind focus on that, he still wished he could see her one more time. He had left too many things unsaid. Even thought he had rarely left Lucy’s side since she had fallen ill and went into the hospital, there were still so many things he hadn’t told her. Maybe, like Peter, he had always held out hope that a miracle would occur.
But a miracle had, only it wasn’t the miracle they had all wanted. Now there he sat, wishing he had just a little more time to tell her all he had wanted to. His heart broke as he realized he would never get that chance.
~~
Lucy saw Aslan approaching in the mirror behind her. She smiled softly at the majestic lion, so glad that he was going to be in attendance on her wedding day. She only wished that she did not feel such sorrow. She loved Caspian. She adored that she was going to become one with him, but the feeling would not dissipate.
“You are troubled, dear one,” Aslan said, using the pet name for her that he always had.
“I’m confused,” Lucy said. “Today is a joyous day and yet I feel sorrow as well. An immense wave of sorrow overtakes me and I do not understand why. I thought I had dealt with these emotions already.”
“One chapter is closing and another is beginning,” Aslan said cryptically. “Come. There is something you must do before a new chapter can begin for you.”
~~
Edmund stared at his hands as they waited for the car that would pick them up and take them all to the church where Lucy’s funeral would be held before she was taken to the cemetery. He was trying to hold onto the image that she was really in Narnia forever, not unmoving in a coffin that was to be placed into the ground. A tear slipped from his eye and slid down his cheek before he quickly dashed it away.
“I wish we could see her one last time,” Peter said quietly. “Just to know that Aslan got her safely to Narnia...”
“Narnia doesn’t exist,” Susan snapped. “Aslan doesn’t exist. It was nothing but a figment of our imaginations as children. Stop talking nonsense. Lucy’s dead! If Aslan were real, he wouldn’t have let her die. He failed her.”
“Aslan never failed Lucy,” Peter snapped back. “He loved Lucy. And Lucy loved Narnia. He took her to where she most wanted to be. She never stopped--.”
“I never stopped believing and I never will.”
Peter spun around as he heard her voice, Susan’s jaw dropping. Edmund rose and looked, eyes wide at his sister who was a vision in white. As he studied her, he realized that she was not dressed as an angel, but an ethereal bride. A true Queen preparing to wed.
“Lucy,” Peter whispered.
Lucy offered them a sad smile, yet joy also radiated from her face. “Do not be sad,” she said. “For this is a most joyous day for me.”
“Joyous?” Susan asked, incredulity slipping into her voice. “Joyous?! We mourn you and you say it is joyous?”
“As you mourn me in this world,” Lucy said. “I marry in another. Aslan knew I would need to see you this day. He has allowed me this one gift on my wedding day. To let me understand the sorrow I was feeling when I should be elated. And to let you see and understand that I truly am okay now. I am at peace, I am happy and I am where I belong.”
“You belong here, with us,” Susan said. She still stubbornly refused to believe, once again, in Narnia and all it stood for. She refused to believe that her sister, despite seeing her now, was in a place beyond preparing to be put into the cold, English ground where she would forever lay.
“I am where I belong,” Lucy said firmly. “Regardless of what you believe, Susan, I was not going to survive what ailed me. Aslan knew that and he brought me home. Where I belong. Where I will be with the one I love and we are to be wed.”
“Who?” Susan and Peter both asked as Edmund said: “Caspian.”
“What? Caspian?” Susan asked as Peter frowned. He knew that Lucy had a crush on Caspian even shortly after returning the very last time he and Susan were in Narnia. And he knew, from what Edmund had said, that they had seemed closer the last time Edmund and Lucy had gone with Eustace, but...
“Yes,” Lucy said, smiling. Edmund was not surprised, but Peter noticed that her smile was more radiant than the stars that shone in the sky. He could see the love in Lucy’s eyes and knew that despite the potential for never seeing him again, Lucy’s love hadn’t diminished for Caspian over the years and had only grown.
“How much time passed?” Edmund asked.
“Aslan brought me to Narnia just moments after we would have left the last time. They were preparing to sail back to Ramandu’s Island,” Lucy said. “I was aboard the Dawn Treader.”
“And now you are marrying Caspian,” Edmund said, giving her a sad, but happy smile. “I wish we could see it.”
Lucy moved towards her brother, reaching for his hands. “I wish that too,” she admitted. “But please do not be sad for me. For today really is a joyous day.”
“Not for us,” Susan said bitterly.
“Susan, please,” Lucy said.
“I understand why she is upset,” Peter said. “I am glad you are happy and that you will find happiness and peace with Caspian. But you won’t be here with us.”
“Do not lose faith, Peter,” Lucy said. “A day will come when we will be together again in Aslan’s country and it will feel like but a day has passed.”
“Narnia doesn’t exist,” Susan said. “Aslan doesn’t!” Lucy’s heart broke as her sister spun on a heel and quickly left the room, heading to join their grieving parents.
“She never did believe as much as you did,” Peter said sadly. “Despite all that we saw and experienced.”
“I fear for her,” Lucy admitted. “That her words and actions will lead to her not being a friend of Narnia. I do not want to think that I’ll never see her again.”
Edmund brushed his knuckles against his sister’s cheek. “You truly believe in Aslan’s country?”
Lucy gave her brothers a beautiful smile. “Of course,” she said. “To see me standing before you should show that. To see me in my wedding dress...” She squeezed Edmund’s hand and reached for Peter’s. “Promise me something.”
“We can try,” Peter said. He smiled when Lucy gave him a soft glare. “Of course.”
“Remember this,” she said. “Remember me like this, not the sickly creature you saw waste away before I finally joined Aslan and Caspian. Promise me that. Promise me that any tears you shed today are ones of joy for the journey I am about to embark on. Not tears of sadness because I am not here with you. We will be together again, I promise. It may be years for all of us, but it will seem like no time has passed when we see one another again.”
Edmund’s eyes filled with tears. “Luce...”
“Please,” Lucy said quietly. “For me. As a wedding present.”
Peter bit his lip, a sob wanting to release its hold on him. He cleared his throat a few times, his head lowered. When he lifted his head to look at her again, he gave his little sister a tremulous smile. “For you. As a wedding present.”
“Lucy.”
Peter and Edmund looked over as Lucy turned. There stood Caspian, dressed in his full regal wedding attire.
“Aslan said it’s time, my love,” Caspian said, his eyes full of love and warmth for the youngest Pevensie.
Lucy felt tears forming. She gave Caspian a tremulous smile and a nod before turning to her brothers. Peter wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her close. He closed his eyes, wanting to give into the sorrow that was filling every inch of his body- but he had made a promise. He pulled back from the hug, looking over to Caspian as Edmund took Lucy into his arms.
“Promise me you’ll take care of her,” Peter said. “And love her.”
Caspian offered his old friend a smile, extending his hand to him. “I will and I do,” he said. They clasped forearms before Peter pulled Caspian into a hug as well.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
“Always,” Caspian said. He nodded to Edmund, noting how he had grown and matured since Edmund last remembered them meeting. For Caspian, it was only a few short weeks.
“Remember,” Lucy said. “No tears of sorrow. Only tears of joy.”
“We wish you a long and happy life, Lu,” Peter said, his voice thick with tears. “We’ll meet you again.”
“You better,” Lucy said, laughing even as tears slipped onto her cheeks. “Don’t ever forsake Aslan. Always remember him, teach your children about him. When it is time for you to come to Aslan’s country...” She looked at Caspian. He put his arm around her and she leaned into his side before looking back at her brothers. “We’ll be there. Waiting to welcome you home.”
“Good-bye, Lucy, Caspian,” Edmund whispered. “Until we meet again.”
“We love you, Lu,” Peter said quietly. “We’ll always remember.”
Lucy smiled at her brothers. Caspian bowed to the once Kings of Narnia before turning to lead his future wife back towards the light that separated their worlds. Pausing just before they entered it, Lucy turned back. She needed to see her brothers one more time. Giving them a radiant smile and a wave, she took Caspian’s arm and left their world. Forever.
~~
Caspian frowned as something pulled him from slumber. His hand moved to his left where his Queen should have been, but the bed was empty. Fully awake, Caspian sat up, expecting everything to have been a dream. He frowned when he saw the lace from Lucy’s wedding veil draped over a nearby chair. At least that hadn’t been a dream, nor had their wedding night. So where was his bride? He heard a soft swish of fabric coming from the balcony that looked out over the beach of Cair Paraval and he knew.
Lucy stood on the balcony, staring out into the night. Despite seeing her family, she still felt a slight hollowness at the knowledge that she wouldn’t see them again for a very long time. Though perhaps it would only be a few weeks. She never knew how Narnia would compare to England.
“You seem very far away,” Caspian said, breaking into Lucy’s thoughts.
Lucy turned, smiling softly at her husband. As he wrapped strong arms around her, she melted into his embrace. “A little,” she finally admitted. “I keep thinking about my family.”
Caspian shifted his head, pressing a soft kiss to the skin of Lucy’s bare shoulder before resting his chin in that same spot. “I am not surprised,” he said. “I would have been surprised if you weren’t thinking about them.”
“It’s my wedding night,” Lucy said, a touch of embarrassment in her tone. “I should be thinking only of my new husband.”
Caspian smiled softly before lifting his head and straightening. He shifted his body so he was able to look into his wife’s lovely face. “My love, wedding night it may be, but the knowledge that you are forever gone to them is not an easy emotion to deal with,” he said.
“Aslan said--,” Lucy started to protest.
“I know.” He was quick to reassure her. “But it could be some time before you are reunited and I worry that you will only be reunited with a scant few. You heard Aslan’s words. That those who are friends of Narnia shall find its joys again.”
“Susan,” Lucy said quietly. “You mean Susan.”
“Mmm,” Caspian murmured. “Mostly her, yes. But anything can happen to make any of them stop believing in Narnia and are no longer its friend.”
“Peter and Edmund would never stop believing,” Lucy said firmly. Her vehemence brought a smile to Caspian’s face.
“Then, my love, we shall see them again,” he said. He took her hands and lifted them to his lips, pressing a lingering kiss as his love and need for her shone in his eyes.
“Come. It is our wedding night, after all.” Lucy simply smiled and allowed her husband to lead her back to bed.
~~
Edmund carefully made his way through the many headstones of the graveyard until he came to a fresh mound of dirt. As was typical in England, the weather was overcast. It felt like his entire life had been overcast since the day of Lucy’s funeral when they had truly said good-bye to her. The weather had gone between a cold drizzle to pouring rain over the past week since her funeral had taken place. Each day he found himself heading towards this very spot, only to find some reason to not finish the journey.
Despite Edmund’s promise to Lucy before she returned to Narnia one last time, he could not bring himself to celebrate her joy that day. Instead he had turned into himself to face the pain he felt. Only he hadn’t dealt with it at all. He hadn’t faced the pain. It was slowly consuming him. Many had said that a week wasn’t quite long enough to deal with it, but he felt as if he were failing his sister by not living up to his promise.
“Lu, I am trying so hard to remember you are in a better place,” Edmund said to the dirt. “I know you are. I saw you. I saw how much love you have for Caspian and he has for you. But I just...”
His breath hitched, but he pressed on.
“I left so many things unsaid between us,” he said. “So many things. I never fully apologized for how I was to you when we were children. I never fully apologized for doubting you about Narnia. For doubting you ever. I wasn’t worthy of you as a sister and I knew that. Yet I took too long to realize just what you were to me. To all of us. Now you’re gone.”
He knelt, his hand pressing down into the muddy earth covering Lucy’s grave. The rain started to fall harder and it mingled with the tears now slipping down his cheeks.
“I love you, Lu,” Edmund said. “No one could ever have a little sister like you and not love her. I am so sorry for being a git so often to you. I always promised myself I’d make it up to you, somehow, but I never expected to run out of time with you.”
A slash of light appeared across Edmund’s hand. He blinked a few times, flexing his fingers and felt the warmth. He shifted his head to look towards the sky. Warmth spread through him as he saw a cloud, shaped much like the head of a lion in full roar above him. The single ray of light that now warmed his hand came from its mouth. He watched, fascinated, as the cloud shifted, the lion’s mouth looking as if it were closing and extinguishing the small ray of light as it did so.
A laugh escaped Edmund’s throat as he shook his head. He looked back at Lucy’s grave, his fingers flexing one more time in the muddy dirt. He moved and placed the single pink rose he had brought on top of the mound before straightening. The rain was starting to come down harder and soon his hand was free of the mud.
“See you soon, Lu.”
Edmund turned, his hand clean and his heart open. For the first time since making his promise, he actually felt like he was the man his sister deserved as a brother. He made another promise to himself that he would see his sister again. And Caspian. Even if it took years to do so, he would see them again. He would make sure that when he had children, that they knew very well who Aslan was, what Narnia was all about, and most importantly all they could ever know about their aunt, Lucy the Valiant. Queen of Narnia.