getting this off my chest- warning this is not gonna be nice
am going to put this behind a cut so that you don't have to read it if you don't want to. it's about monday when my dad died and I was there so it's not going to be nice.
A few weeks ago I rushed home cos my dad had been hospitalised due to a blood clot in his leg. I spent about a week at home and then went back up to uni as he was getting better and was improving and i was under the impression that he was continuing to improve. I heard he'd had a few setbacks but that he was still slowly improving. Then last friday, my uncle and aunt told my little brother that dad didn't have long left. I called and spoke to dad on the phone and he didn't sound good. So I didn't get much sleep and was on the first bus i could get onto the next day. Poor lady next to me on the bus home, me alternatively crying and dozing. I think she gave me a twix, as one mysteriously appeared on my bag when i went to the loo. it was much appreciated. Thanks twix giver.
So I went straight to the hospital when i got home, picking up my brother, and met my sister there. He looked so tired, he was in and out of sleep, and so thin. He'd lost weight anyway but he'd lost more since I'd gone back to leeds. we were all a bit tearful. eventually we came away as he was tired. We went back the next day, and altho he was still tired he looked a bit perkier. It was hard then to not grasp onto the flicker of hope.
And then on monday when Toby and I went in, Dad was terrible. He was in a great deal of pain, something like a blockage in his intestines causing him bloating. When I went in, he looked terrible. His Bells palsy had kicked in and half of his face was fallen, his eyes were wide and his breathing incredibly heavy and laboured. There was a smell also, which reminded me of sweetcorn. When we first went in, he responded a little, but soon after he wasn't responding. I called my sister, mum and uncle.
The Doctor came and said that there was a treatment, or we could xray to check it out and then do a treatment, we decided just treatment. Although in the end that didn't happen. The Macmillan nurse came in and showed me how to give dad some water, as he coudln't drink, and when she did that we realised just how thirsty he was. It was like an automatic reaction..suck on the lollipop sponges. It also made me think that he wasn't in the right place to die, noone had been paying that much attention to him ie they hadn't realised he couldn't drink. They were doing the best that they could, but if only things had been sorted out earlier.
My uncle and aunt had decided to leave, and my brother was down with my mum. I'd given him some water, and aunt janey was just leaving, when we somehow knew that he was dying. He went all quiet and i got my aunt to call my brother. It was half a relief, not to hear the death rattle anymore but to know that he was going. He was really quiet, and then he just slipped away.
A few weeks ago I rushed home cos my dad had been hospitalised due to a blood clot in his leg. I spent about a week at home and then went back up to uni as he was getting better and was improving and i was under the impression that he was continuing to improve. I heard he'd had a few setbacks but that he was still slowly improving. Then last friday, my uncle and aunt told my little brother that dad didn't have long left. I called and spoke to dad on the phone and he didn't sound good. So I didn't get much sleep and was on the first bus i could get onto the next day. Poor lady next to me on the bus home, me alternatively crying and dozing. I think she gave me a twix, as one mysteriously appeared on my bag when i went to the loo. it was much appreciated. Thanks twix giver.
So I went straight to the hospital when i got home, picking up my brother, and met my sister there. He looked so tired, he was in and out of sleep, and so thin. He'd lost weight anyway but he'd lost more since I'd gone back to leeds. we were all a bit tearful. eventually we came away as he was tired. We went back the next day, and altho he was still tired he looked a bit perkier. It was hard then to not grasp onto the flicker of hope.
And then on monday when Toby and I went in, Dad was terrible. He was in a great deal of pain, something like a blockage in his intestines causing him bloating. When I went in, he looked terrible. His Bells palsy had kicked in and half of his face was fallen, his eyes were wide and his breathing incredibly heavy and laboured. There was a smell also, which reminded me of sweetcorn. When we first went in, he responded a little, but soon after he wasn't responding. I called my sister, mum and uncle.
The Doctor came and said that there was a treatment, or we could xray to check it out and then do a treatment, we decided just treatment. Although in the end that didn't happen. The Macmillan nurse came in and showed me how to give dad some water, as he coudln't drink, and when she did that we realised just how thirsty he was. It was like an automatic reaction..suck on the lollipop sponges. It also made me think that he wasn't in the right place to die, noone had been paying that much attention to him ie they hadn't realised he couldn't drink. They were doing the best that they could, but if only things had been sorted out earlier.
My uncle and aunt had decided to leave, and my brother was down with my mum. I'd given him some water, and aunt janey was just leaving, when we somehow knew that he was dying. He went all quiet and i got my aunt to call my brother. It was half a relief, not to hear the death rattle anymore but to know that he was going. He was really quiet, and then he just slipped away.