dear penthouse...

[queenklu]

This weekend I was at a writing conference in Anchorage! Very nice hotel, and I did learn some things even though the conference...could have been run slightly more professionally. (You have an hour and ten minutes before dinner. Now would be the time to see if your youtube video actually plays sound. etc

Comments

[dancinbutterfly]

Okay that fucking seals it dude - I need to start sending my true stories to penthouse. I have SO MANY TRUE STORIES about ridiculous sexual experiences that are COMPLETELY GODDAMN INSANE(one involves goldfish, a refurbished church stage and vaginal fisting) and if that got him published - then I can do it. That said - I JUST GOT MY FIRST PAID PIECE PUBLISHEDDDDDDDD. 25 DOLLARS BUT WHO GODDAMN CARES I MEAN REALLY? I GOT PAID TO WRITE!

[queenklu]

Oh that's so awesome bb! *ALL THE HIGH FIVES* Hey published is published, that's so, so fantastic! (Also I am terrified for the goldfish omg o.o)

[dancinbutterfly]

It is the best of all my stories. I refuse to publish it unless its in something glossy that will pay me a lot because it is a FANTASTIC story that ends in my meeting the man(he was 14 years older than me) I lost my virginity to. Hand to god.

[queenklu]

When you DO get that story published (because hello obviously you will) BE SURE TO LINK ME TO WHERE I CAN BUY A COPY SO I CAN FIND OUT IF THE GOLDFISH MAKES IT OUT OKAY

[dancinbutterfly]

*cackles* this is a tiny tiny quote from the draft i have - first draft written in 2010.
Invariably, some charitable soul says something along the lines of, “Oh my God! That’s- Did they get out okay?”
“I don’t know. I guess. They seemed to be moving around okay when they came out. I didn’t look too closely.”
“Those poor fish.”
That always makes me wonder about the person who asked me that question. Really, when you imagine this as a hypothetical in your head, that’s your big concern? A woman puts aquatic fauna in her vaginal canal and you’re worried about the state of the fish? I heard somewhere that goldfish supposedly have a three second memory. I bet they got over it. I’m pretty sure they recovered from the shock long before everyone watching.