jfc. not kfc, that is a chicken.
OH MY GOD.
I was on the eliptical while I watched this episode, and I burned over 700 calories in the first 45 minutes working out my frustration and angst instead of tearing out my hair. (I'm new to exercise, I don't know if this is actually noteworthy. It feels noteworthy.) I'm exhausted, and not just from running myself ragged. So this might not be coherent, or even all that long it's pretty long.
1) This is the first time ever the sight of shirtless Scott Caan in bed has brought me anything but joy and happy feelings in my pants. In fact, this time brought the oh so telling shout of "OH FUCK." And then, when Rachel appeared, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME." Because I had really--I had really hoped the writers wouldn't do that. To us, to Danny. To us, some more. As I explained later to my family (quite loudly, my valume control was pretty much shot this entire episode)--after I went over why I thought it was a horrible idea for all the non-slashy totally sane person rational reasons--"THEY ARE FUCKING WITH ME, AND NOW? NOW THEY ARE TRYING TO PLACATE ME WITH TALK OF POWDERED EGGS. WELL, I WILL NOT BE PLACATED. I AM UNPLACATABLE."
Because I will fucking not. I don't care that Danny thinks Steve likes his eggs because presumably he has made eggs--a traditionally BREAKFAST FOOD, EGGS--for Steve enough times that he thinks Steve LIKES THEM. BUT NO. I WILL NOT BE BOUGHT. YOU MADE DANNY A FUCKWIT. YOU WILL NOT BUY ME BACK WITH TALK OF POTENTIAL MORNINGS AFTER.
2) We have in my family something we call a "Toast Radar." This is an ability to detect when a character is going to die--a.k.a. when they are toast. Laura was giving out hardcore Toast Waves from the minute Steve told Chin to tap that--OUT OF THE BLUE, I MIGHT ADD. WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM. WRITERRRRRSSSSS.
BUT BACK TO THE TOAST RADAR. BECAUSE I CAN'T GET INTO RACHEL'S ~MAGICALLY ~CONVENIENT ~PREGNANCY WITH THE WRITERS RIGHT NOW, I JUST CAN'T. But there was a moment or two there when I thought--Ohhhh no, not Rachel, you wouldn't do that, who gets Gracie, if she dies before she tells Stan she's leaving him--WHICH WAS WOW GLOSSED OVER, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. But I was glad, really and truly glad that Rachel didn't die.
Even though I am so so sick of--DID YOU NOT THINK IT WAS STRESSFUL ENOUGH FOR DANNY, HUH? ARE YOU SO FUCKING SADISTIC THAT YOU'D ADD AN UNBORN BABY ON TOP OF THAT. AN UNBORN CHILD THAT RACHEL--AUUUUGH NOTHING HAS CHANGED, NOTHING AT FUCKING ALL, EVERY SINGLE CALL DANNY TOOK FROM RACHEL HE STARTED WITH "I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW," THAT WAS A BIG THING THAT LEAD TO THEIR DIVORCE (OR AM I SUBSTITUTING REALITY WITH FIC AGAIN?) AND I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T.
I'm so pissed off with the writers about that. I am so pissed off that they added a baby, I can't even. Somebody. Somebody do the math for me and figure out the absolute minimum amount of time she and Danny have been knocking boots behind Stan's back that she could find out she's pregnant.
AND JUST. CONTI-FUCKING-NUITY, WRITERS. YOU CANNOT SPRING SHIT ON US WITHOUT ESTABLISHING IT BEFORE HAND. THIS IS NOT MERLIN.
3) NOBODY NOTICES THE TASER MARKS IN STEVE'S NECK?
But I'm. I'm not saying I hated it, okay, I'M NOT. I JUST WANT TO WRITE THEIR SHOW FOR THEM, IS THAT SO WRONG. OR SIT ON A FUCKING BOARD OF DIRECTORS OR SOMETHING AND ASK THEM "WTFRUDOING?" AND MAYBE BEAT THEIR HEADS AGAINST A WALL UNTIL THE STUPID FALLS OUT.
SO. HERE IS A LIST OF GOOD THINGS BEFORE I CRASH AND BURN:
1) KAMEKONA'S MOTHER FUCKING ICE CREAM TRUCK OF WEAPONRY. SHUT UP, NO ONE CAN TELL ME THAT WAS NOT AN ICE CREAM TRUCK.
2) JENNA. FULL STOP.
3) NINJA STEVE.
4) DANNY ACTUALLY CALLING STEVE A NINJA.
5) DID I MENTION THE ICE CREAM TRUCK.
.
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p.s. I do not want bashing, unless it is of the writers. I blame them. So much blaaaaaame.