Toto, We're Not In Scotland Anymore
I am so much less interesting when not in Scotland. Because even when i was doing much the same as i am now--dinking around on LJ all day--at least I was in Scotland. I'm not depressed, bbs, but i am sort of...meh. So, in order to educate you and remind myself what it means to be Alaskan, dun dun DUH...
- There are carharts hanging by the door, and bunny boots at all times. Yes, in the summer. You never know when you need bunny boots. On the shelf above them is a random collection of umbrellas and a mangy coyote-skin hat. Yes, with the face.
- Fashion is a thing of Europe and the past. We are the people of Walmart, especially in the valley. Hell, we're the people who slap bumper stickers on our cars saying "Proud to Be Valley Trash."* Flannel is so In it's not even a choice. Stylin' lumberjack shirts? We invented those.
- A dead caribou head named Smiley is hanging in a tree in the back yard. Dad brought him home strapped to the front of his four-wheeler, and the front bar on the grill slid between it's teeth, giving it a sort of grin. Hence: Smiley.
- There used to be a one-eyed taxidermied owl hanging in the loft of the garage (which is almost as big as our house) but the parents donated him to my little brother's biology class to get his grade above failing. Nevermind that this owl had been a fixture in our lives since before he was born, thank you v much.
- Dad going to Chitna for four days dipn-netting = limiting out on the number of salmon one person is allowed to bring home. Which means 30 jacks and 4 kings. That is a lot of freaking fish, and my job to smoke them.
- As an obscure female relative, mom and i are invited to all my cousins bridal/baby showers; my brother and dad are not invited to the male equivalent.
- While being given the rundown of all that needs to be taken care of when i start house-sitting the 29th, the day before my Big Bang goes up, i'm warned not to let the dogs out without supervision, because they like to bark at bears. This is only a slight change from letting my own dogs out, as they like to bark at moose.
- Mosquitos fucking everywhere.
- Dad wants to build an outhouse in the back yard. So far the general consensus is HELL NO. It helps that he's got the roof on the sauna to repair first.
- Tricked into watching Jennifer's Body last night. All i have to say is...WHAT?
My life. Le sigh.
*One of our ex-Senators--surprise!not re-elected--called everyone who lives in the Matanuska-Susitna Valley (Palmer, Wasilla, the Butte) "Valley Trash," and instead of getting angry, we got t-shirts.