No more striped woodland creatures for Inzilbeth!
I'm finally home!!
I was taking a walk through the gardens a few months ago, and stopped for a second to sniff what looked like a really pretty flower. But when I bent over, I saw that it wasn't a flower but a really short hobbit in a flower suit! Don't laugh, hobbits are masters of disguise. You'd be amazed how well they blend into the foliage.
The hobbit took off its flower-hat and blew a tiny whistle, and before I could scream or anything, ten more flowers turned into hobbits and all jumped on me at once! One of them gagged me while another tied me up and when they were done, a third stuffed me in a burlap sack.
They had really squeaky voices and weren't very careful with the bag I was in, so my head hurt and I was all bruised when they took me out. We were in a neat-looking treehouse full of weird-looking striped rabbits. The hobbits started "ohm"ing and bowing to the rabbits. It went on for hours, or maybe five minutes. I got bored and filed my nails until one of them started squeaking at me in a voice I could barely understand. He told me that they were the Cult of Spastic Domain Email Servers, and that I was to be their hostagequeen until a prophesied messenger arrived with something called the "Password." I had no idea what they were talking about, of course, and was really hungry and already late for a date with Issy, so I told him to fuck off. Then they gagged me again.
They were pretty nice to me once I stopped talking so much, and I had a nice bedroom and stuff, but they wouldn't let me go home. Gimilzor walked past my window once, going wherever it is stupid blaspheming dead men go, and I called out to him to help me. He looked up and said, "Oh, there you are," then kept walking. What a fucker.
Anyway, a few days ago I was sitting in my bedroom, playing with a necklace I bought in the gift shop in Mandos, thinking that I would never, ever get home and that everyone had forgotten me. I was starting to get really, really sad when one of the hobbits walked in, looked at my necklace and started squeaking noisily. He called in a bunch of other hobbits and they all stared at my necklace, which is just a dumb gold pendant in the shape of a key. I got annoyed and asked them what was the big deal about my necklace, and the Tall Hobbit said, "You have The Password!"
And I said, "Oh, this is it? Thanks a lot, I've had this all along." I was being a little sarcastic, but the hobbits didn't seem to notice. Finally I just asked, "Can I go now?" and they said yes. So I showed my necklace to the hobbits with spears at the gates and they called a cab for me. What a dumb cult.
I was taking a walk through the gardens a few months ago, and stopped for a second to sniff what looked like a really pretty flower. But when I bent over, I saw that it wasn't a flower but a really short hobbit in a flower suit! Don't laugh, hobbits are masters of disguise. You'd be amazed how well they blend into the foliage.
The hobbit took off its flower-hat and blew a tiny whistle, and before I could scream or anything, ten more flowers turned into hobbits and all jumped on me at once! One of them gagged me while another tied me up and when they were done, a third stuffed me in a burlap sack.
They had really squeaky voices and weren't very careful with the bag I was in, so my head hurt and I was all bruised when they took me out. We were in a neat-looking treehouse full of weird-looking striped rabbits. The hobbits started "ohm"ing and bowing to the rabbits. It went on for hours, or maybe five minutes. I got bored and filed my nails until one of them started squeaking at me in a voice I could barely understand. He told me that they were the Cult of Spastic Domain Email Servers, and that I was to be their hostagequeen until a prophesied messenger arrived with something called the "Password." I had no idea what they were talking about, of course, and was really hungry and already late for a date with Issy, so I told him to fuck off. Then they gagged me again.
They were pretty nice to me once I stopped talking so much, and I had a nice bedroom and stuff, but they wouldn't let me go home. Gimilzor walked past my window once, going wherever it is stupid blaspheming dead men go, and I called out to him to help me. He looked up and said, "Oh, there you are," then kept walking. What a fucker.
Anyway, a few days ago I was sitting in my bedroom, playing with a necklace I bought in the gift shop in Mandos, thinking that I would never, ever get home and that everyone had forgotten me. I was starting to get really, really sad when one of the hobbits walked in, looked at my necklace and started squeaking noisily. He called in a bunch of other hobbits and they all stared at my necklace, which is just a dumb gold pendant in the shape of a key. I got annoyed and asked them what was the big deal about my necklace, and the Tall Hobbit said, "You have The Password!"
And I said, "Oh, this is it? Thanks a lot, I've had this all along." I was being a little sarcastic, but the hobbits didn't seem to notice. Finally I just asked, "Can I go now?" and they said yes. So I showed my necklace to the hobbits with spears at the gates and they called a cab for me. What a dumb cult.