Hey....hi. Hello!
Have you ever had a friend or relative that, for some reason, you didn't get back to one time? And then you kind of fell out of contact with them a little bit? And you know it was your fault, but it felt like reconnecting with them was just too hard, because you'd put it off for so long that even the act of reaching out would be an admission of being in the wrong? So you eventually cease all contact whatsoever with that person because, in your shameful heart of hearts, it's just easier to deal with the pain of not having them in your life any more?
Yep!
So I'm in my new house, and have been for I guess 7 weeks or something, I didn't have the internet hooked up for aaaaaaaaages, but now I have not only the interwebs in my house, but a brand spanking new laptop that is ALL MINE, which essentially means I can have this picture of PJ as my desktop background and also that I don't need to hide all my fics in fifteen different layers of folders. Hurray!
What else? I still hate my job. I have to travel about an hour to get there in the mornings and an hour to get home, more if there's heavy traffic (often). My shop is really quiet and doesn't make much money and I'm there by myself for most of the day. You know. Staring into space. Haranguing the odd customer. Writing smut in my notebook. That kind of thing. Siiiigh. But at least I'm the manager, which looks good on my resume. And I spend a LOT of time singing along really loudly and obnoxiously to music in my car with the windows down. Today it was Pearl Jam. Fuck yeah.
In sadder news, though, my cat is very sick. He has cancer in his lungs, which is bad enough, and he also had a stroke which was...worse. The stroke sent him blind and paralysed down his left side and I was petrified because I didn't know what was wrong with him and I thought he was dying and it was one of the worst nights of my life. But he's recovering really well - he's getting his sight back and he can walk around and he has his appetite and even though he's very quiet and subdued and not really the same old Shady, at least he's up and about. But it's awful, awful. I had to bathe him yesterday because he's not cleaning himself properly and he started to smell a little. That's a sad thing to have to do to a cat. And he didn't even have the energy to kick up a fuss, which he would definitely have done if he was at his best. Sigh. I'm counting down the days, guys, and I hate it. But at the same time every day I have with him is the best day so there's that. And he's not in pain or distress. The minute I think he is, that's when I'll say goodbye, but for now I'm holding onto him with all I have.
Sadness.
But what else?
In fandom news...well, I'm writing. I have almost finished a Brad/Ray Suits au (it just needs a sex scene. Everything always needs a sex scene, right?), and I am still working on a great big post apocalypse AU which is intimidatingly epic and which I keep shying away from. But it's over half done and completely plotted out, so at least it isn't stagnant. And then there is the Brad/Ray vampire au which I've been toying with in my head. And THEN there is...
Do any of you watch Generator Rex? I feel dirty even asking. It's a cartoon and it's REALLY GOOD, okay, and the main character, Rex, looks like a cartoon version of PJ. Like, seriously. And he's really funny and snarky and brash and bold and vulnerable and lovely, and I love him and I love the show and it is a Cartoon Network CARTOON and also, Rex is like sixteen or...fifteen or something, which means I can't write smut about him and Doc Holiday, the sexy old scientist chick he has a crush on but I might do it anyway and I am a BAD BAD PERSON.
PHEW. It felt good to get that off my chest!
Anyway, full disclosure, I stopped this entry halfway through to go to the pub for some ciders, and now it is late and I am tired and full of fermented apples. But you know what? I'd forgotten how good it feels to write in here. Really I had. It's nice. I like it. I like you all. I miss you all.
Bedtime, I think.
--Beck.
PS: I have roped my best bud witchling into helping me with we_pimpin now that schlicky and timeofnoreply have hung up their boots. You should make her feel welcome. She is a gem and a wonder and the light of my internet life, and she is going to drag me kicking and screaming back to being a good mod or else. I love her and you should too.
PPS: CIDER.
Yep!
So I'm in my new house, and have been for I guess 7 weeks or something, I didn't have the internet hooked up for aaaaaaaaages, but now I have not only the interwebs in my house, but a brand spanking new laptop that is ALL MINE, which essentially means I can have this picture of PJ as my desktop background and also that I don't need to hide all my fics in fifteen different layers of folders. Hurray!
What else? I still hate my job. I have to travel about an hour to get there in the mornings and an hour to get home, more if there's heavy traffic (often). My shop is really quiet and doesn't make much money and I'm there by myself for most of the day. You know. Staring into space. Haranguing the odd customer. Writing smut in my notebook. That kind of thing. Siiiigh. But at least I'm the manager, which looks good on my resume. And I spend a LOT of time singing along really loudly and obnoxiously to music in my car with the windows down. Today it was Pearl Jam. Fuck yeah.
In sadder news, though, my cat is very sick. He has cancer in his lungs, which is bad enough, and he also had a stroke which was...worse. The stroke sent him blind and paralysed down his left side and I was petrified because I didn't know what was wrong with him and I thought he was dying and it was one of the worst nights of my life. But he's recovering really well - he's getting his sight back and he can walk around and he has his appetite and even though he's very quiet and subdued and not really the same old Shady, at least he's up and about. But it's awful, awful. I had to bathe him yesterday because he's not cleaning himself properly and he started to smell a little. That's a sad thing to have to do to a cat. And he didn't even have the energy to kick up a fuss, which he would definitely have done if he was at his best. Sigh. I'm counting down the days, guys, and I hate it. But at the same time every day I have with him is the best day so there's that. And he's not in pain or distress. The minute I think he is, that's when I'll say goodbye, but for now I'm holding onto him with all I have.
Sadness.
But what else?
In fandom news...well, I'm writing. I have almost finished a Brad/Ray Suits au (it just needs a sex scene. Everything always needs a sex scene, right?), and I am still working on a great big post apocalypse AU which is intimidatingly epic and which I keep shying away from. But it's over half done and completely plotted out, so at least it isn't stagnant. And then there is the Brad/Ray vampire au which I've been toying with in my head. And THEN there is...
Do any of you watch Generator Rex? I feel dirty even asking. It's a cartoon and it's REALLY GOOD, okay, and the main character, Rex, looks like a cartoon version of PJ. Like, seriously. And he's really funny and snarky and brash and bold and vulnerable and lovely, and I love him and I love the show and it is a Cartoon Network CARTOON and also, Rex is like sixteen or...fifteen or something, which means I can't write smut about him and Doc Holiday, the sexy old scientist chick he has a crush on but I might do it anyway and I am a BAD BAD PERSON.
PHEW. It felt good to get that off my chest!
Anyway, full disclosure, I stopped this entry halfway through to go to the pub for some ciders, and now it is late and I am tired and full of fermented apples. But you know what? I'd forgotten how good it feels to write in here. Really I had. It's nice. I like it. I like you all. I miss you all.
Bedtime, I think.
--Beck.
PS: I have roped my best bud witchling into helping me with we_pimpin now that schlicky and timeofnoreply have hung up their boots. You should make her feel welcome. She is a gem and a wonder and the light of my internet life, and she is going to drag me kicking and screaming back to being a good mod or else. I love her and you should too.
PPS: CIDER.