Beck's Driving Adventures!
So I figured that now that I'm trying to make an effort to reconnect with LJ, I should post an entry that isn't about me coming to the unpleasant and suprising realisation that my cat isn't immortal (no news from the vet, yet, I'll keep you posted). And there isn't actually a lot going on in my life that's NEW - well, apart from Suits which is basically the lgreatest thing int he known universe, but more on that another time. Except now I'm DRIVING! And of course, the comedic possibilities are endless. So here, let me tell you all about that.
* So I should probably start by telling you that I get road rage. Like, a lot. Now I'm not the best driver in the world (ahaha, as the following points will prove), but I get this intense feeling of fury and betrayal whenever I see anyone else on the road doing anything that could be considered less than stellar road ettiquette. The fact is, if - due to some weird loop in the time-space continuum - I ended up driving behind myself, I'd probably get out and slam my own head in with a tire-iron. I get ragey. I swear and yell and bang my steering wheel and offer unheard, futile threats. Today I silently promised to get out and shank someone if they didn't start going the speed limit. I use the C-word more than you would believe. I just. I do not exactly have a calm, even, unemotional temperment at the best of times. You probably do not want to go on a road trip with me any time soon.
* I have no sense of direction. At all. Whatsoever. I get lost playing Tomb Raider and in large shopping centres. I am not sure in which direction my house faces. I have spent like eight years living in the same area, and I still have trouble finding my way around. So whenever I drive anywhere, it's an exciting adventure! By which I mean I end up with my large-print street directory spread out on the seat next to me and tears in my eyes. And I mean, I can't read fucking maps, so. This whole situation reached epic fail levels yesterday when I decided to go on a long drive to get myself out of the house and away from worrying about Shady. I figured I'd drive the forty or so minutes out to where I'm building my new house - a place I've gone numerous times with Trav. I've even driven there myself a couple times, with him in the passenger seat. And yet.
I have included a map to properly illustrate the magnitude of this fuck up.
It was a nice drive, at least. The Victorian countryside is really pretty. Sigh. I did realise I was going the wrong way pretty quickly, but then when I tried to backtrack I went the wrong way again, and then I missed a turn and then I was seeing signs that said 'Healesville' and I was like...well, I'm going this way anyway, so... I did end up getting to Yarra Glen in the end, though! It just took like...an hour longer than it should have. Siiiiiigh.
* Also yesterday, I almost ran up onto the gutter perving on a super-hot tradie who was working on a building site around the corner from my place. I drive past like every morning and I've never gotten a good look, but oh god, yesterday he was standing right by the fence so I slowed right down like, "ogle, ogle, corner, ogle WHOOPS THAT WOULD BE THE GUTTER THEN." Totally worth it, though.
* This one is super embarrassing. Driving to work, My Chemical Romance cranked the fuck up, singing at the top of my lungs while stopped at a red light - I look to my left, and there are two cops in a police car looking straight at me and laughing their heads off. Because I mean, I was really getting into it, drumming on the steering wheel, fist clenched to my chest, the works. And then I didn't know what to dooooo! I mean, I just stared straight ahead and prayed for the lights to change. God damn. No one needs to see me car-dancing.
* And of course all the various times I've cut people off, turned a corner from the wrong lane, backed into the letterbox and/or shrubbery while trying to get out of my own driveway... I'm just. I'm still GETTING THERE, okay? BUT. I haven't hit anyone or anything! No vehicular manslaughter! The car remains dent and scratch free! Guys, I will get the hang of this yet.
--Beck
* So I should probably start by telling you that I get road rage. Like, a lot. Now I'm not the best driver in the world (ahaha, as the following points will prove), but I get this intense feeling of fury and betrayal whenever I see anyone else on the road doing anything that could be considered less than stellar road ettiquette. The fact is, if - due to some weird loop in the time-space continuum - I ended up driving behind myself, I'd probably get out and slam my own head in with a tire-iron. I get ragey. I swear and yell and bang my steering wheel and offer unheard, futile threats. Today I silently promised to get out and shank someone if they didn't start going the speed limit. I use the C-word more than you would believe. I just. I do not exactly have a calm, even, unemotional temperment at the best of times. You probably do not want to go on a road trip with me any time soon.
* I have no sense of direction. At all. Whatsoever. I get lost playing Tomb Raider and in large shopping centres. I am not sure in which direction my house faces. I have spent like eight years living in the same area, and I still have trouble finding my way around. So whenever I drive anywhere, it's an exciting adventure! By which I mean I end up with my large-print street directory spread out on the seat next to me and tears in my eyes. And I mean, I can't read fucking maps, so. This whole situation reached epic fail levels yesterday when I decided to go on a long drive to get myself out of the house and away from worrying about Shady. I figured I'd drive the forty or so minutes out to where I'm building my new house - a place I've gone numerous times with Trav. I've even driven there myself a couple times, with him in the passenger seat. And yet.
I have included a map to properly illustrate the magnitude of this fuck up.
It was a nice drive, at least. The Victorian countryside is really pretty. Sigh. I did realise I was going the wrong way pretty quickly, but then when I tried to backtrack I went the wrong way again, and then I missed a turn and then I was seeing signs that said 'Healesville' and I was like...well, I'm going this way anyway, so... I did end up getting to Yarra Glen in the end, though! It just took like...an hour longer than it should have. Siiiiiigh.
* Also yesterday, I almost ran up onto the gutter perving on a super-hot tradie who was working on a building site around the corner from my place. I drive past like every morning and I've never gotten a good look, but oh god, yesterday he was standing right by the fence so I slowed right down like, "ogle, ogle, corner, ogle WHOOPS THAT WOULD BE THE GUTTER THEN." Totally worth it, though.
* This one is super embarrassing. Driving to work, My Chemical Romance cranked the fuck up, singing at the top of my lungs while stopped at a red light - I look to my left, and there are two cops in a police car looking straight at me and laughing their heads off. Because I mean, I was really getting into it, drumming on the steering wheel, fist clenched to my chest, the works. And then I didn't know what to dooooo! I mean, I just stared straight ahead and prayed for the lights to change. God damn. No one needs to see me car-dancing.
* And of course all the various times I've cut people off, turned a corner from the wrong lane, backed into the letterbox and/or shrubbery while trying to get out of my own driveway... I'm just. I'm still GETTING THERE, okay? BUT. I haven't hit anyone or anything! No vehicular manslaughter! The car remains dent and scratch free! Guys, I will get the hang of this yet.
--Beck