Razor Wire Shrine - Part Four
Title: Razor Wire Shrine
Author:
queengeekkeri
Artists:
tooquickly and
lennymechs
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairings: Dean/Cas, Dean/OMC, Cas/OMC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: All together 44,500
Warnings: Spoilers up to 5.4, m/m explicit sex, oral sex, angry sex, anal sex, blasphemy, drug abuse, violence, gore, more sex, angst, major character deaths (a few of the loved ones so be prepared), alcohol abuse, angry drunken sex, misrepresentation of God (maybe), Bottom!Dean, Top!Dean, Bottom!Cas, Top!Cas, suicide attempt, angsty ruff sex, more blasphemy and then sex, Dean puts Baby in the corner.
Summary: The year is 2014 and the Colt works. Dean kills the Devil but Cas refuses to let that be the end for Dean. Cas tries to make Dean see that he still has so much to live for and finds out that he has more to live for as well now that the apocalypse is over and humanity has a second chance.
I don’t own anything from Supernatural they all belong to Kripke & the CW. I just like to play with their toys. Thanks to @Maddeh and @AnimeChik27 for being my Alpha and Beta; without them this fic would have driven me crazy and Chitaqua would be spelled wrong a different way every time it is mentioned. I got the idea & the name of the Fic from Sarah McLaughlin’s song Building a Mystery. Everything about that song reminds me of 2014 Castiel. This is written for
dc_dystopia
Make sure to send some love to
tooquickly and
lennymechs for their awesome Artwork the can be found Here and Here.
Part Three
Part Four
Hours later Cas and Dean are still in the cabin and haven’t moved far from the bed or each other. They shared stories, Cas telling Dean about the way he’s seen humanity change over the years while he watched from afar and Dean telling Cas about growing up with Sam. Cas has heard the stories before but they make Dean’s eyes light up in a way that Cas can see the love there is soul deep. They don’t talk about the bad stuff, the pain, the demon blood though it is sitting in the room with them like a white elephant. Cas wants to hold onto this for as long as he can not knowing what will happen when they leave this cabin, he hopes this is not a fleeting moment that ends at the door but will accept this small gift with his whole heart if it does.
“Cas?” Dean breaks a silence that had fallen after Dean told a story about teaching Sam to ride a bicycle that made them both laugh. Apparently 10 year old Dean stole a pink Barbie Huffy to do this and teased Sam about it for years.
“Yes Dean?” Cas looks into his eyes and they are sucked into one of their stares. Cas can feel Dean’s pain and love and loss and comfort acutely swirling in his grace which seems to radiate through his being whenever Dean is near. If he’d known that the drugs were muting this feeling then he would never have allowed himself to find solace in them. He knows, even without his mojo, what Dean is going to ask and it hurts him deeply that he doesn’t have an answer. “I don’t know Dean. I wish I could tell you that he’s in heaven, but I really don’t know. Tell you the truth I don’t even know if the doors are open or if souls are being sent into Limbo. I’m sorry Dean.”
Dean looks at him. “Limbo? That place exists?” Cas nods and Dean rubs his hand over his face sighing in defeat. “But you’re sure he didn’t go to the basement.”
Cas never waivers from his gaze. “I’m sure Dean. Heaven made Sam fill a role and as much as angels might be dicks they wouldn’t punish Sam for fulfilling his destiny. No matter what; upon completion of your roles both your souls would be granted access to Heaven. They can’t change that”
“So I guess this means I get a free ticket up then. I completed my role maybe not at the hand of Michael but I killed Lucifer which was exactly what I was supposed to do. Just wish I had done it sooner. I wish I could go back and change so many things.”
Cas pulls Dean close and wraps and arm around him kissing gently on his temple. “I wish I could send you back to change things.”
They hold each other without saying anything more. Cas rubbing his fingers along Dean’s back and Dean gliding his palm up and down Cas’ stomach and chest. They lose track of time ignoring the rumbles of hunger for the comfort of each others embrace. It isn’t until a soft knock sounds at the door that they are pulled from their meditative state. The two of them stand and quietly get dressed. Dean sits back down on the bed and leans back against the wall while Cas walks over to open the door.
Chuck is standing there on the porch the setting sun casting shadows along the camp behind him. He’s holding two plates of food. “I wasn’t sure if you had eaten yet and I figured you’d want to have something in your stomach before the meeting. I also brought soup for Dean and thought maybe you could get him to eat it.”
Cas looks over to Dean who is watching from the bed, the younger man nods his head. Cas steps back. “Come on in.” he says allowing Chuck to enter their serenity.
Chuck almost drops tray of food when he sees Dean not only awake but sitting up with a small smile on his face. Dean always smiles when it involves food especially on an empty stomach. “Dean you’re awake, that is great.” Chuck walks closer and places the food on a table near the bed. “Are you…” He wants to ask if Dean is ok but thinks better of it. Of course Dean is very not ok. “I brought you some food. It’s only soup but I could get you something else if you’d like.”
Dean always did like Chuck something about his nervousness is charming and he turned out to be a great asset to the camp having an eye for detail when it comes to what people need; which is why he put him in charge of the camps supplies. “Thanks Chuck the soup is fine. Not sure how my body is going to react with how it is feeling so the lighter the better.”
There isn’t a hint of Dean’s bravado in the words. Chuck can tell they are genuine making him one of a handful of people to ever see this side of The Great Dean Winchester. That fact makes him smile as the two men sit on the bed digging into eat the food he brought them. Chuck clears his throat. “So Cas, Edgar is just fine. At first Bonnie thought you broke his nose but it was just a ruptured vein. He’ll be at the meeting tonight and with luck he’ll have learned his lesson and stay seated.”
Dean looks at Cas questioningly; all the hours of conversation and the meeting from this morning nor the one scheduled this evening ever came up. It wasn’t that Cas was hiding it from him; he just didn’t want to overwhelm him. Dean deserves a break from being the last action hero. “You weren’t speaking still when I left and the campers wanted answers. After I got back and you were… Well I assumed you might want to take a step back and let someone else take the reigns for a while.” Cas tilts his head, one of the few gestures that he kept from before his fall. “Was I wrong to assume this?”
Dean can’t believe that in all these years he’s never seen Cas as a leader. He’d been his wingman for so long and then after he began to fall, a close comrade who became a druggie but never the guy you would expect to run a camp of refugees. Dean lowers his eyes to the bed, ashamed that he could think so little of his friend. “No, thanks Cas, you’re right. I need some time to clear my head. In all honesty, I don’t want to see anyone but you two right now. I can’t have people thanking me for what I did or looking to me for answers because…” Dean trails off but raises his eyes to meet Cas’. “I can’t handle that right now. I’m not a hero and I never want to be.” Cas nods and goes back to his plate.
They three of them sit in silence while the food is eaten; Dean is the first to finish his potato and broccoli soup. Usually he’d protest the lack of animal but his stomach is happy and it warmed his insides soothing his still sore throat. “Thanks Chuck.” He places the bowl down on the table and looks back to Cas. “So what happened with Edgar? He give you trouble because that guy is an asshat if I’ve ever seen one.”
Cas smiles around the biscuit he is eating and nods, swallowing so he can explain. “Edgar was right in asking my qualifications to fill in your spot as leader; I have been otherwise distracted with substances that make me not the best candidate. But even after assuring him I’m… What is it you called it again Chuck?”
Chuck clears his throat. “Clean and sober.”
Cas smiles wide at Chuck before looking back at Dean, who has a look of shock on his face. “Clean and sober. Edgar thought it best for him to fill in your shoes. When he attempted to punch me I had no other option but to defend myself. I made sure not to hurt him too much or permanently, just enough to end the altercation and prove my point. I may not look like much of a human or acted in the best way over the past two years but I was still an Angel of the Lord and remember everything since the dawn of time, that includes combat skills and strategic battle plans; though I couldn’t exactly tell them that.”
Chuck lets out a stifled laugh. “Dean you should have seen the look on Edgar’s face. He was pissed.” His face turns serious. “Cas you better watch out and make sure to always keep him in front of you.”
Cas is finishing off his baked potato but nods his head in agreement. Even with his Grace at its bare minimum he still can see into people’s souls. Edgar is angry and though most people are angry these days with the apocalypse having burned down most of the planet, Edgar is angry down to his soul.
Dean looks between the two men for a moment in contemplation before asking. “So, what’s next? You two have any ideas?”
Cas is not surprised by Dean’s curiosity and hopes that this means he’ll be willing to stand by his side someday soon but that thought makes him sad too. Dean shouldn’t have to fight anymore. “I was thinking that I would send out scouts to find us a new home. Something fortified where we can better protect ourselves and start repopulating the human race.”
Not the answer Dean was expecting. “Wow that is actually a really sound plan there Cas.”
“Don’t sound so surprised Dean.” There is a slight irritation in his voice but the coy look Dean gives him in apology is enough to quash it. “Like I said I’ve been watching for a long time and have seen humanity get over obstacle after obstacle. This camp has served its purpose but now that Lucifer has been eradicated his followers will be looking to make humanity pay all the more. Finding a safer place is our best chance for survival.”
“OK so find Helm’s Deep, then what?” The look Cas gives him at the pop culture reference sends a jolt of happiness through him. Sometimes he feels like he’s with the old Cas, the being he was before he lost his grace for a mud monkey like him. “It’s a movie Cas” Dean smiles. “Tell you what it was a book first, once we get wherever we’re going I’ll make sure to get it for you to read.”
Chuck clears his throat. “Guys sorry but the meeting is starting in a bit we should get going.”
Cas looks at Dean after he stands from the bed. “I’ll understand if you need more time.”
Dean hangs his head. “Thanks Cas. You can fill me in when you get back.” Cas nods his head but looks over at the bit of rope still dangling from the ceiling. “I’ll be fine Cas. Promise not to do anything stupid.” Cas stares at him for a moment feeling Dean in his grace and knowing that the man is over that hurtle. He nods his head again turning back toward Chuck who had watched the exchange in silent confusion but dares not ask until well out of Dean’s earshot.
The two men leave the cabin, as they are walking to the mess hall Chuck sighs audibly. “Look Cas I have to say this because you are my friend. Are you sure you know what you’re doing with Dean? I mean you two barely spoke for almost two years and I’m happy that it seems he’s finally pulled his head out of his ass, but you have to know that the man back in that room is broken and it could go really good or he could go back to being the heartless ass that has been walking around.”
Cas just stares at him in disbelief that Chuck not only feels close enough to talk about Dean and Cas’ ‘relationship issues’ but that he picked up on it and cares enough to reach out. Cas sighs and rubs his sore shoulder before meeting the prophets eyes. “Chuck, you’ve been writing Dean for years. You know his inner-workings as much as I do. Do you really think I haven’t thought about that? Dean pushing me away again is always going to be a risk. But it is a risk I’m willing to take.” Cas takes a deep breath looking up at the night sky for a moment remembering soaring through the clouds and out into space exploring his Fathers creations. “I gave up everything for him and I would do it all over again, even knowing what I know now. My fall was hard and I didn’t know how to handle emotions and life but I’m ok now.” He locks his blue eyes back onto Chuck’s and smiles. “I’m ok Chuck. I know that Dean is broken and I intend to spend as long as it takes to put him back together for a second time. Even if he pushes me away in the end the getting there will be enough for me.”
“Does he even know? Chuck asks
“Know what? Cas looks at him confused.
“That you’re in love with him. Cas you have to realize that you’re in love.”
“I’ve thought about it but was never sure that was what I was feeling. As an angel we are only meant to love and have faith in our Father but somehow Dean made me feel that for him, as blasphemous as that sounds. Now that I’ve fallen and have a full range of emotions, I’ve still been unable to quantify my feelings. Maybe it is not just blind faith and devotion but love too. I’m not sure there is a difference.” Cas smiles and looks down kicking at a rock near his foot almost shyly.
“Yeah Cas, pretty sure we are WAY past maybe here. Can I tell you something? You have to promise not to get your hopes up.” Cas nods still looking down at his foot toeing the hole left from the rock he’d just kicked. “Before the angels left I was still tuned into Winchester Gospel radio. First of all, Sam was tricked into saying yes.” Cas’ head snaps up looking at the man in front of him. “I didn’t say anything because it had already happened and at the time I thought it would only cause more pain. Lucifer led Sam to believe he had Dean and was torturing him in Hell again. Sam only said yes to get Dean out of Hell. The Winchester’s just love to sacrifice themselves for each other. I didn’t think the information would go over well with Dean so I kept it to myself. Maybe if I hadn’t things would have been different between the two of you and he wouldn’t have gone guano.
Cas is both relieved and upset by this information though he agrees with Chuck, it had already happened and the reason for saying ‘Yes’ wouldn’t have mattered once Lucifer took over. This would have ended the same no matter the reason. “You were right in your decision to keep that information to yourself; the means of getting there don’t matter when it is always the same outcome. I think knowing this wouldn’t have given Dean much peace of mind. They were always each others weakness and knowing Sam said Yes to save him would only have hurt him more. Lucifer was wrong to capitalize on that but I should have expected nothing short of just that.” Cas tilts his head examining the features of Chucks face as they go from nervous to relief over Cas’ concurrence. “You said Firstly...”
Chuck goes back to being nervous wringing his hands as he begins to talk. “Cas, Dean is as emotionally constipated as they come. He might not always show them but he feels them full force. Before the Gospel went away I was privy to some pretty emotional things that he’d never say out loud. Cas when the two of you were together before; he was happy. Even though Lucifer was riding Sam when it came to the two of you he was happy. Happier then I’ve even seen him. I was cut out before Dean went into shut down and closed everyone off but I wanted you to know that you made Dean happy. Maybe he was even in love with you but too stupid to admit it to himself. He’s capable of loving you but as we’ve seen he’s also capable of shutting it all off too. So please just be prepared; I don’t want to see you lose yourself back into drugs if he turns you away. You can do great things here with all your knowledge. I hope you won’t let Dean be your Achilles Heel.”
The revelation that Dean could possibly love him gives Cas a new hope but he makes a promise to himself right then that he won’t hang his self worth on it. Chuck is right, Dean might have given him a reason to fall but he needs to find his own reason to live. He looks into the now filled Mess Hall at the people of the camp who are putting their lives in his hands. Maybe they can be his reason. Cas gives Chuck a nod letting him know the message was received. How funny that a man who was once a Prophet of Heaven is giving a former angel advice on life and love. If only his Father could see him. Maybe he does see him. Maybe Cas was made to do all these things and be with these people. Maybe his Father always had alternate plans but he’ll never know because his Father is MIA. He shakes his head at the whole situation knowing there is really nothing to be done about it if his Father wills it and walks into the Mess Hall.
Part Five