Breaking Ground
Days Until Surgery: 12
Cigarettes today: 2
So the day is nearing...the day that my life will change. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I was afraid. Not really afraid of the surgery itself, but the changes that I have to make following it. Quitting smoking is not going well. Somehow in the process of trying to rid myself of the habit, I have become more attached to it. I would say that I am probably smoking more knowing that the day is nearing that I will have to give it up. It's really sad that I am saddened by this, but I can't help it. It's been a part of my life for so long that I have to get to know myself all over again without it. For me, it's like that childhood blanket that you kept until the point where it was merely a shred of cloth and eventually had to throw it away. I'm scared of change. I feel like I will be taking on an entirely different identity as a "nonsmoker". I admit that while going through all of this, that I have had a lot of support from my friends and family. I feel so fortunate that I have this little network of people that will stand by me no matter what the circumstances, it makes everything that much more worth doing. I'm pulling through this, but it is still hard. It's never easy though to change the things about yourself that you are not ready to change. I'm sorry to those that I have not really talked to all that much since all this news came at me, but know that you will always and forever be appreciated and that I love you no less than I did at the very beginning. I just need some time to let all of this sink in so I'm not really as there as I would like to be right now.
Cigarettes today: 2
So the day is nearing...the day that my life will change. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I was afraid. Not really afraid of the surgery itself, but the changes that I have to make following it. Quitting smoking is not going well. Somehow in the process of trying to rid myself of the habit, I have become more attached to it. I would say that I am probably smoking more knowing that the day is nearing that I will have to give it up. It's really sad that I am saddened by this, but I can't help it. It's been a part of my life for so long that I have to get to know myself all over again without it. For me, it's like that childhood blanket that you kept until the point where it was merely a shred of cloth and eventually had to throw it away. I'm scared of change. I feel like I will be taking on an entirely different identity as a "nonsmoker". I admit that while going through all of this, that I have had a lot of support from my friends and family. I feel so fortunate that I have this little network of people that will stand by me no matter what the circumstances, it makes everything that much more worth doing. I'm pulling through this, but it is still hard. It's never easy though to change the things about yourself that you are not ready to change. I'm sorry to those that I have not really talked to all that much since all this news came at me, but know that you will always and forever be appreciated and that I love you no less than I did at the very beginning. I just need some time to let all of this sink in so I'm not really as there as I would like to be right now.