9 cops and RHD vs. EL FAERIE!!
. I won, of course. But that should not imply that I wasn't afraid. Or that I didn't get into any trouble... It was a Tuesday, the sun was shining, the birds were mocking my hangover and I was waiting with the new friends I made for bud. It had been a good karma day. I saw Jess, Jenn Bob, Danny, Ray, and Kay. Jess and I found this old woman's purse. We were excited to split the spoils until we saw the woman’s picture. The picture on the Michigan ID card was this amalgamative image of EVERYBODY'S grandmother in the entire world. The cutest, sweetest looking lady Jess and I had ever seen. We put aside our selfish desire for the 43 dollars in her purse and brought it to the lost and found. Although I did the right thing it was not enough to restore balance to the universe. As I waited for my two friends to return from their trip to the RHD's office to get let into the room I did the dishes until there was a knock on the door. I looked to see who it was, two cops and some chick who looked FURIOUS. I opened the door.
"Are you Ryan Bolyard?"
"Yes." I said cheerfully, forgetting some of what I had done the night before.
"What were you doing last night? Where do you live? who are you with?what's your mother's maiden name?" all that bullshit. No good cop/bad cop. It seems, that at Stony they have white cop/broken english black cop.
-Turns out I poked my thumb through the RHD's screen while trying to get into the locked E building. In my drunken stupor. I mistook the E building for the D building and peered into what would have been my friends sweet. I was wrong...GAY WRONG. The RHD saw me and called the cops but by the time they got there we had vanished. When my dumb ass friends went to get the keys to some bedroom, the RHD recognized them, questioned them, and they ratted me out. It seems there has been a string of robberies recently. Someone has been ripping open screens on the first floor and stealing shit once they got inside the unlocked window. Because I ripped the screen (and honestly with all the shit I've gotten away with one screen is NOTHING) I was to be arrested for all of the robberies, vandalism...everything some other motherfuckhead did a week prior.
The cops separated us and interrogated us. Our stories added up. I felt bad for my friends. They aren't used to getting into trouble the way I am. The uniforms scared them and they don't have the manipulative powers or faggy/harmless persona that I have. I was afraid. I didn't remember what I had done but I would have confessed to murder just to make the questioning stop. Nine cops! Why did they need nine cops for a mythical ball of light, a stoner, and some crazy ass pill snorter who looks kind of like Liz? Because I was the highlight of the SBU police station's week. Seems they had been looking for me (the supposed robber) 24/7 all week. It took me 30 minutes to convince the RHD that I'm just a drunk, not a thief. It took me 2 hours to convince the cops the same. They got a kick out of me by the end of it. I remained penciled, poised, and seemingly unafraid during the whole process. Cops like that. If you can act like you have no emotions during the interrogation process, authority figures start to respect you. When you can make nine cops laugh, like belly laugh. That's God. That is something beyond even me. I don't know how I managed to wiggle out of the situation but I turned a misdemeanor and an arrest (they got out the handcuffs but never put them on me) into a meeting with the head of student affairs and a bill for $108 (the price of the screen). I am banned from the E building, maybe for ever, but I'm welcome on campus. The only female cop at the scene told me not to worry, she said, "Don't sweat it sweet heart. Just go to the meeting, show remorse, pay for the screen and you'll be fine, and not even a glitch on your transcript. We honestly believe you didn't intend to break into the RHD's apt. That is why we aren't arresting you, and your friends, who are petrified by the way. Go talk to them you are off the hook until you get a letter in the mail. Just don't come back to E or we will have to arrest you on the spot for trespassing."
-I'm still a little upset about the whole thing but I'm a dub drunken ass hole. I needed a reality check anyway. It was like getting a shot. It had to happen and it sucked but once it was over you think, 'that wasn't so bad.' Behold the power of the faerie! I am not in jail....this time.
"Are you Ryan Bolyard?"
"Yes." I said cheerfully, forgetting some of what I had done the night before.
"What were you doing last night? Where do you live? who are you with?what's your mother's maiden name?" all that bullshit. No good cop/bad cop. It seems, that at Stony they have white cop/broken english black cop.
-Turns out I poked my thumb through the RHD's screen while trying to get into the locked E building. In my drunken stupor. I mistook the E building for the D building and peered into what would have been my friends sweet. I was wrong...GAY WRONG. The RHD saw me and called the cops but by the time they got there we had vanished. When my dumb ass friends went to get the keys to some bedroom, the RHD recognized them, questioned them, and they ratted me out. It seems there has been a string of robberies recently. Someone has been ripping open screens on the first floor and stealing shit once they got inside the unlocked window. Because I ripped the screen (and honestly with all the shit I've gotten away with one screen is NOTHING) I was to be arrested for all of the robberies, vandalism...everything some other motherfuckhead did a week prior.
The cops separated us and interrogated us. Our stories added up. I felt bad for my friends. They aren't used to getting into trouble the way I am. The uniforms scared them and they don't have the manipulative powers or faggy/harmless persona that I have. I was afraid. I didn't remember what I had done but I would have confessed to murder just to make the questioning stop. Nine cops! Why did they need nine cops for a mythical ball of light, a stoner, and some crazy ass pill snorter who looks kind of like Liz? Because I was the highlight of the SBU police station's week. Seems they had been looking for me (the supposed robber) 24/7 all week. It took me 30 minutes to convince the RHD that I'm just a drunk, not a thief. It took me 2 hours to convince the cops the same. They got a kick out of me by the end of it. I remained penciled, poised, and seemingly unafraid during the whole process. Cops like that. If you can act like you have no emotions during the interrogation process, authority figures start to respect you. When you can make nine cops laugh, like belly laugh. That's God. That is something beyond even me. I don't know how I managed to wiggle out of the situation but I turned a misdemeanor and an arrest (they got out the handcuffs but never put them on me) into a meeting with the head of student affairs and a bill for $108 (the price of the screen). I am banned from the E building, maybe for ever, but I'm welcome on campus. The only female cop at the scene told me not to worry, she said, "Don't sweat it sweet heart. Just go to the meeting, show remorse, pay for the screen and you'll be fine, and not even a glitch on your transcript. We honestly believe you didn't intend to break into the RHD's apt. That is why we aren't arresting you, and your friends, who are petrified by the way. Go talk to them you are off the hook until you get a letter in the mail. Just don't come back to E or we will have to arrest you on the spot for trespassing."
-I'm still a little upset about the whole thing but I'm a dub drunken ass hole. I needed a reality check anyway. It was like getting a shot. It had to happen and it sucked but once it was over you think, 'that wasn't so bad.' Behold the power of the faerie! I am not in jail....this time.