Friends, You Are My Tapestry...
Disclaimer: This note is carefully written. Yes I'm rehashing a few things I did mention before (and believe me I didn't expect this), but at the same time it involves a little more back story than I gave before. It is in honor of a dear friend, the mysterious and unspoken words we often never say to those who matter the most, and my personal homage to the only aspect that inspires me every Valentine's Day... letting my friends and family in my life know how much I love them. I never anticipated writing an entry like this. It's just that I'd like to think it's one of those amazing stories that is worth every word to tell. May you be inspired too!
A couple months ago, I was really struggling to get motivated this year to complete one of my yearly traditions. See, I'm a writer, and one of the things I typically enjoy is sending handwritten letters to commemorate both the season and the close of the year. I wasn't feeling particularly motivated this year because of many variables I don't care to revisit, one of the many being my life has been so hectic I didn't really want to invest the effort to find where my address book was packed away. However, I waffled back and forth, and finally decided I just couldn't avoid it any longer without feeling guilty about even thinking about discontinuing this tradition. Even though I had tests to study for and millions of other things to do, I emptied box after box until I found it. I was so elated I could finally complete this task.
I wrote for three days. I wrote to everyone I still had an address for. Every letter I wrote was monumental to me because if I make the effort to tell you I care about you, I mean it. I'm been thrown around haphazardly from friendship to friendship. I'm cynical and busy like the rest of the world, and I don't commit lightly at this stage. So all the effort I've ever invested, I've always meant it because you hold a special place in my life.
I came across the address of one of the teachers I use to work with, Linda. I keep in contact with a lot of amazing people I use to work with via Facebook, but she was the only one who gave me her mailing address when I left. I really felt so badly I had fallen out of touch with her. I sent her a letter to let her have some updates about my life and how much I missed and admired her. It wasn't a long letter, or a brilliant letter. It was a simple letter, like many before. But it had one important message, I care about you and miss you.
I never head back from her during throughout last month. I just figured the verdict after the holidays was that we all got caught again in the incessant flow of life, but I was hopeful that maybe I would soon. However, I heard two weeks later that Linda had passed away and lost her sudden battle against cancer. It really broke my heart. Her and I worked as a collaborative math team intensely for a year and middle school education for all three years. We made so much progress together, and I always admired her temperament and the zeal she invested in work every day. She always knew what to say, she always supported or listened to me. She was simple and beautiful. It was an honor to teach beside her.
Even though those days ended last year when I decided I had to move on with my quest, it's all still a part of me. It's the tapestry of my life. Experiences can never be worn away, my memories are my internal stone effigy the rest of my days. Regardless of where I am, or how busy I get, or if we fade into the background of each others' lives, if you have touched or inspired me you are never forgotten. So despite the distance, despite the last few month, I couldn't help feeling melancholy about loosing someone I truly felt highest esteem about.
I thought this is where the story would end. It's where most stories do. I was hopeful Linda got my letter back then. I mean, it never was returned in the mail, but I was still a little sad that I would never know for sure. But in this case, unlike many others, I decided my optimism in probability was the only solace I could ever hope to find. Time mends... life resumes the constant routine that propels us toward each new horizon.
However everything changed today with one unexpected surprise... While sifting through the typical sundry of bills, junk mail, and other advertisements I found a tiny card! It was the weirdest thing I've ever received here... being it actually had my handwritten address on it. The return address was not one I recognized... but it was from the place I use to live. Now that I'm out of the area, very few people even know my new address so this was really a rather unusual find within my mail.
I ripped it open right away. See, I absolutely love handwritten letters too! Nothing delights me more! The mystery further enticed me with every moment. When I opened the letter, this is what it said:
Amanda,
I am Linda's daughter. I know you heard that she passed away, and I read your beautiful message on the internet. She asked that I write you a special note after her passing. You were special to her. She thought you were a wonderful teacher, person and friend. My mom reflected on the past and her friends to get through her battle with cancer. Your name came up numerous times and she cared for you deeply. Take care and thank you for being such an important person in my mom's life.
I never remotely anticipated a thank you letter, why would I? I couldn't afford to send flowers, even though I thought about it. I couldn't attend anything scheduled in her memory because I had to take an exam I scheduled months ago, and from what I knew about my colleague and friend during our brief time together she wouldn't have wanted me to postpone my already in motion quest toward my dreams. I never even left my address anywhere, other than than the simple card I sent last Christmas. But here I am, holding another letter. It wasn't a long or an elaborate one. It was a simple letter. A thank you letter for being me. It answered many unspoken questions of mine... but had one important message. I cared deeply for you, thanks for being a wonderful friend.
A couple months ago, I was really struggling to get motivated this year to complete one of my yearly traditions. See, I'm a writer, and one of the things I typically enjoy is sending handwritten letters to commemorate both the season and the close of the year. I wasn't feeling particularly motivated this year because of many variables I don't care to revisit, one of the many being my life has been so hectic I didn't really want to invest the effort to find where my address book was packed away. However, I waffled back and forth, and finally decided I just couldn't avoid it any longer without feeling guilty about even thinking about discontinuing this tradition. Even though I had tests to study for and millions of other things to do, I emptied box after box until I found it. I was so elated I could finally complete this task.
I wrote for three days. I wrote to everyone I still had an address for. Every letter I wrote was monumental to me because if I make the effort to tell you I care about you, I mean it. I'm been thrown around haphazardly from friendship to friendship. I'm cynical and busy like the rest of the world, and I don't commit lightly at this stage. So all the effort I've ever invested, I've always meant it because you hold a special place in my life.
I came across the address of one of the teachers I use to work with, Linda. I keep in contact with a lot of amazing people I use to work with via Facebook, but she was the only one who gave me her mailing address when I left. I really felt so badly I had fallen out of touch with her. I sent her a letter to let her have some updates about my life and how much I missed and admired her. It wasn't a long letter, or a brilliant letter. It was a simple letter, like many before. But it had one important message, I care about you and miss you.
I never head back from her during throughout last month. I just figured the verdict after the holidays was that we all got caught again in the incessant flow of life, but I was hopeful that maybe I would soon. However, I heard two weeks later that Linda had passed away and lost her sudden battle against cancer. It really broke my heart. Her and I worked as a collaborative math team intensely for a year and middle school education for all three years. We made so much progress together, and I always admired her temperament and the zeal she invested in work every day. She always knew what to say, she always supported or listened to me. She was simple and beautiful. It was an honor to teach beside her.
Even though those days ended last year when I decided I had to move on with my quest, it's all still a part of me. It's the tapestry of my life. Experiences can never be worn away, my memories are my internal stone effigy the rest of my days. Regardless of where I am, or how busy I get, or if we fade into the background of each others' lives, if you have touched or inspired me you are never forgotten. So despite the distance, despite the last few month, I couldn't help feeling melancholy about loosing someone I truly felt highest esteem about.
I thought this is where the story would end. It's where most stories do. I was hopeful Linda got my letter back then. I mean, it never was returned in the mail, but I was still a little sad that I would never know for sure. But in this case, unlike many others, I decided my optimism in probability was the only solace I could ever hope to find. Time mends... life resumes the constant routine that propels us toward each new horizon.
However everything changed today with one unexpected surprise... While sifting through the typical sundry of bills, junk mail, and other advertisements I found a tiny card! It was the weirdest thing I've ever received here... being it actually had my handwritten address on it. The return address was not one I recognized... but it was from the place I use to live. Now that I'm out of the area, very few people even know my new address so this was really a rather unusual find within my mail.
I ripped it open right away. See, I absolutely love handwritten letters too! Nothing delights me more! The mystery further enticed me with every moment. When I opened the letter, this is what it said:
Amanda,
I am Linda's daughter. I know you heard that she passed away, and I read your beautiful message on the internet. She asked that I write you a special note after her passing. You were special to her. She thought you were a wonderful teacher, person and friend. My mom reflected on the past and her friends to get through her battle with cancer. Your name came up numerous times and she cared for you deeply. Take care and thank you for being such an important person in my mom's life.
I never remotely anticipated a thank you letter, why would I? I couldn't afford to send flowers, even though I thought about it. I couldn't attend anything scheduled in her memory because I had to take an exam I scheduled months ago, and from what I knew about my colleague and friend during our brief time together she wouldn't have wanted me to postpone my already in motion quest toward my dreams. I never even left my address anywhere, other than than the simple card I sent last Christmas. But here I am, holding another letter. It wasn't a long or an elaborate one. It was a simple letter. A thank you letter for being me. It answered many unspoken questions of mine... but had one important message. I cared deeply for you, thanks for being a wonderful friend.