Saving Myself?
I'm really sorry about my last post... I'm feeling like things are pretty resolved with that situation and I just needed to get out my frustrations. I want to reiterate, it wasn't about anyone on my friends list, just venting... Why am I back to having one of those weeks?
Today's been a really rough day too. I know I escaped my fate a couple weeks ago... but today I discovered that a friend of mine didn't. One of the teacher's I use to work pretty closely with at that school passed away this morning. When I left that place, she was one of the very few people who said she'd miss me a lot... and she gave me her address and her e-mail to keep in touch. I even sent her a card around the holidays to let her know how I was doing, tell her I missed her, give her my new address and I encouraged her to write back to keep in touch. She was really an amazing teacher and always both pleasant with me and on my side. We got along great.
I know we don't work together this year, but it still really took me by surprise when someone thought I should know and posted it on my Facebook wall today. She was really healthy when we worked together, even just last year. She even owned a farm, and always got up at 5 AM to feel her animals before starting work at 7:30 AM, although unlike me... she was always at work an hour earlier. She was in great shape, and had more energy than I could have ever dreamed of having.
I read on another co-worker's post that she found out she died of cancer. It all was only diagnosed two weeks ago... so all this was very sudden. It's really strange too, because she was obviously older than me, but not old. She wasn't even old enough to enjoy retirement away from that hell.
I mean, I know things happen... it's ultimately beyond everyone's control when these things happen. Maybe it all just is some sort of coincidence. However, this is the second person who has died so suddenly while at this place... the first person was the principal two years ago. He also acquired cancer and died within two weeks of his diagnosis. Then a friend of mine developed some cysts suddenly and had to quit. Then I had that abnormal growth that scared me to death, whereas I had always been healthy before... and I know I just had it taken care of, but it had been there for a few months. It just seems so weird the only people I seem to know who are having a rapid spiral of health problems are relatively young, and all of us were employees at that place.
It could be my occult too much stress theory that I promised I'd stop preaching about. Or maybe a lot of evil destructive energy is in that building, we had a bunch of kids and staff reporting ghosts they've seen... or evil premonitions? We all just thought they were crazy. It also always crossed my mind that maybe that place is filled with carcinogens. I know the mold makes everyone sick too. The building itself used to be office buildings by a paper factory (which is directly behind the building, and the city doesn't want to knock it down, theory or truth being it might pollute the air too much). Anyway, the building was never was meant to be a school. I often wonder if there is any way they could have tested that building or determine if carcinogens remain. I guess people would rather leave it up to chance because it's not as top of a priority as passing state standardized testing... but what does it mean if you don't have anyone left to teach the kids who need to learn? Or maybe it simply is just something that randomly happened within the scope of everything else happening in her life. None of us will ever know for sure... Analyzing is pretty pointless, but I think it's just an unavoidable facet of human existence to think about it anyway.
I miss a lot of people and students I worked with, I miss so many friends I have back in that town... but it's rough because I don't miss the town, I don't miss the stress... I don't miss the life I had there. I don't know, it's still a heartbreak... I really hope moving on was a way to save me from loosing my health, hope and any faith I ever had.
I guess this incident stirs me up so much because that could have been me... I was so close to this. It's just like pain that will never fade, it only gets suppressed. It resurfaces when you see someone else loose the battle, you somehow won... and I'm haunted again. I'm reminded... Luck kissed me this time, but how long will this last?
Today's been a really rough day too. I know I escaped my fate a couple weeks ago... but today I discovered that a friend of mine didn't. One of the teacher's I use to work pretty closely with at that school passed away this morning. When I left that place, she was one of the very few people who said she'd miss me a lot... and she gave me her address and her e-mail to keep in touch. I even sent her a card around the holidays to let her know how I was doing, tell her I missed her, give her my new address and I encouraged her to write back to keep in touch. She was really an amazing teacher and always both pleasant with me and on my side. We got along great.
I know we don't work together this year, but it still really took me by surprise when someone thought I should know and posted it on my Facebook wall today. She was really healthy when we worked together, even just last year. She even owned a farm, and always got up at 5 AM to feel her animals before starting work at 7:30 AM, although unlike me... she was always at work an hour earlier. She was in great shape, and had more energy than I could have ever dreamed of having.
I read on another co-worker's post that she found out she died of cancer. It all was only diagnosed two weeks ago... so all this was very sudden. It's really strange too, because she was obviously older than me, but not old. She wasn't even old enough to enjoy retirement away from that hell.
I mean, I know things happen... it's ultimately beyond everyone's control when these things happen. Maybe it all just is some sort of coincidence. However, this is the second person who has died so suddenly while at this place... the first person was the principal two years ago. He also acquired cancer and died within two weeks of his diagnosis. Then a friend of mine developed some cysts suddenly and had to quit. Then I had that abnormal growth that scared me to death, whereas I had always been healthy before... and I know I just had it taken care of, but it had been there for a few months. It just seems so weird the only people I seem to know who are having a rapid spiral of health problems are relatively young, and all of us were employees at that place.
It could be my occult too much stress theory that I promised I'd stop preaching about. Or maybe a lot of evil destructive energy is in that building, we had a bunch of kids and staff reporting ghosts they've seen... or evil premonitions? We all just thought they were crazy. It also always crossed my mind that maybe that place is filled with carcinogens. I know the mold makes everyone sick too. The building itself used to be office buildings by a paper factory (which is directly behind the building, and the city doesn't want to knock it down, theory or truth being it might pollute the air too much). Anyway, the building was never was meant to be a school. I often wonder if there is any way they could have tested that building or determine if carcinogens remain. I guess people would rather leave it up to chance because it's not as top of a priority as passing state standardized testing... but what does it mean if you don't have anyone left to teach the kids who need to learn? Or maybe it simply is just something that randomly happened within the scope of everything else happening in her life. None of us will ever know for sure... Analyzing is pretty pointless, but I think it's just an unavoidable facet of human existence to think about it anyway.
I miss a lot of people and students I worked with, I miss so many friends I have back in that town... but it's rough because I don't miss the town, I don't miss the stress... I don't miss the life I had there. I don't know, it's still a heartbreak... I really hope moving on was a way to save me from loosing my health, hope and any faith I ever had.
I guess this incident stirs me up so much because that could have been me... I was so close to this. It's just like pain that will never fade, it only gets suppressed. It resurfaces when you see someone else loose the battle, you somehow won... and I'm haunted again. I'm reminded... Luck kissed me this time, but how long will this last?