a reflection of my family...
this is actually for myself just to write and rememeber but if u wanna read feel free to do so. nick and kaaj i hope u end up reading this.
so tonight was a family party. i was at home wondering if what i had on was good enough. "What will my aunts and cousins say?" "will they make fun of me?" "Oh man what about my grandmother"
then i realized taht i don;t care and i shoudlnt care because i shoudl feel comfortable around my family. sadly, i dont anymore.
ive had phases w/ my attitude towards my family. there was the childhood phase where i looked foreward to christmas parties for the presents and pretend power rangers games w/ my cousins. then it was onto the "i hate my family beacuse they all hate me and my mother." then came the "my family is wonderful. i love family parties." i miss that feeling. i miss being proud of the close bonds taht i had w/ the close bonds i had w/ the adults and teh friendships i had w/ the cousins. so now im onto a phase where i feel like my family is hopeless.
sure thats harsh but i realized today that no one has the original family values there were b4. no1 respects my grandmother or the other adults in teh family, and all of my cousins are materialistic. i walked around the house migrating from one group to the next just talking to catch up. w/ all the conersations i had w/ my teenage cousins it was about their most recent trip to where ever. c that i didnt mind. i enjoyed looking at pictures and i love seeing pictures of their friends beacuse any friend of my cousins, i hope, would be considered a friend to me. teh thing taht bothered me though was teh talk about the ipods and digital cameras and brand name clothes. and teh gossip. oh how i hate the gossip. "look what he's wearing" "omg she got so fat"
i hope i didnt do that today. i knwo i just listened and didnt say anything to defend any1 though so i guess im a hypocrate. i feel liek im having a midlife crisis or sumthing. how sick is that? im only 16. i worry about wat the future of my family will be and i worry that my brother isnt gettingteh same morals and values taught to him taht i was taught. on teh ride home w/ my dad, aunt and grandmother they were talking about how all teh kids are grown up and my grandmother was talking about how all teh little kids didnt even go to greet her. no "how are u?" not even a "hello" what happened to bowing to my grand parents and treating them with the utmost respect? i know i say how much i hate my culture now. i hate american version of it: the fashion, entertainment, and nething else that has been modernized. i miss that last bit of tradition left that i was introduced to when i was younger. i dunno. kaaj, neha? do u guys feel the same way with this or is it just me?
yea im gonna call it quits now. happy new year everyone.
kev i'm sorry.
-disha
so tonight was a family party. i was at home wondering if what i had on was good enough. "What will my aunts and cousins say?" "will they make fun of me?" "Oh man what about my grandmother"
then i realized taht i don;t care and i shoudlnt care because i shoudl feel comfortable around my family. sadly, i dont anymore.
ive had phases w/ my attitude towards my family. there was the childhood phase where i looked foreward to christmas parties for the presents and pretend power rangers games w/ my cousins. then it was onto the "i hate my family beacuse they all hate me and my mother." then came the "my family is wonderful. i love family parties." i miss that feeling. i miss being proud of the close bonds taht i had w/ the close bonds i had w/ the adults and teh friendships i had w/ the cousins. so now im onto a phase where i feel like my family is hopeless.
sure thats harsh but i realized today that no one has the original family values there were b4. no1 respects my grandmother or the other adults in teh family, and all of my cousins are materialistic. i walked around the house migrating from one group to the next just talking to catch up. w/ all the conersations i had w/ my teenage cousins it was about their most recent trip to where ever. c that i didnt mind. i enjoyed looking at pictures and i love seeing pictures of their friends beacuse any friend of my cousins, i hope, would be considered a friend to me. teh thing taht bothered me though was teh talk about the ipods and digital cameras and brand name clothes. and teh gossip. oh how i hate the gossip. "look what he's wearing" "omg she got so fat"
i hope i didnt do that today. i knwo i just listened and didnt say anything to defend any1 though so i guess im a hypocrate. i feel liek im having a midlife crisis or sumthing. how sick is that? im only 16. i worry about wat the future of my family will be and i worry that my brother isnt gettingteh same morals and values taught to him taht i was taught. on teh ride home w/ my dad, aunt and grandmother they were talking about how all teh kids are grown up and my grandmother was talking about how all teh little kids didnt even go to greet her. no "how are u?" not even a "hello" what happened to bowing to my grand parents and treating them with the utmost respect? i know i say how much i hate my culture now. i hate american version of it: the fashion, entertainment, and nething else that has been modernized. i miss that last bit of tradition left that i was introduced to when i was younger. i dunno. kaaj, neha? do u guys feel the same way with this or is it just me?
yea im gonna call it quits now. happy new year everyone.
kev i'm sorry.
-disha