(no subject)
Is it totally crazy that I enjoy writing these brain dump exercises? I guess it comes from the past few years of navel-gazing that goes on in my blog. I used to keep a paper journal, so in total it is over a decade of peering into my soul and writing whatever it is that I find there. But once I starting blogging, I lost interest in my journal. Why? Because by nature I am an exhibitionist, I crave attention. So the idea of babbling endlessly and having friends and strangers read and comment on my secret thoughts was just too attractive to resist. I guess that’s probably why I liked acting so much in high school and I loved flirting so much in graduate school and now why writing praises are so important. Of course, I suppose that whenever you put your talents on display the praises are really vital for keeping your moral high.
This quarter my moral feels low. But the supportive words from Rob in my portfolio helped for about a week, so that was good. And now I am starting to wane in my enthusiasm again. Part of it is the crazy high demands being placed on us this quarter. There are multiple days with five different assignments due. Plus our internships and if we happen to have a personal life, that is completely gone by now. That being said, Navin will visit in a few weeks for my birthday and I cannot wait to see him again. And I am going to try really really hard to get all of my homework done in time to hangout with him, sans schoolwork.
I cannot wait to get a job that stops when I go home. I know that those kinds of jobs don’t pay that well, but right now that’s all I want. Something fun, with nice people, a supportive environment, that pays over 50,000 per year. I would be thrilled. Oh yeah, it also has to be in Washington DC. I am worried about moving to the East Coast, and the funny thing is that it didn’t hit me until yesterday evening. All of a sudden I found myself picking fights with Navin and complaining that when I move so far away I will lose my life here. Though my time in Austin has only left a skeleton here for me anyway, I figure if we move back in two or three years, my life here will have turned to dust. My friends will forget me or move away. My brother would already have one child, likely with a second on the way.
I don’t know if I want to have kids. But I know Navin does, and he’d make such a wonderful father. Sometimes I think that we will have kids just so I can see him interact with them. But he knows I am thinking that, and he’s been warning me against it. Well, anyway, we’ll just have to see what happens. I know that in time what I want will become more clear to me. And whatever that is, I know Navin will support me, just like he has always done over this year that he has been in my life.
This quarter my moral feels low. But the supportive words from Rob in my portfolio helped for about a week, so that was good. And now I am starting to wane in my enthusiasm again. Part of it is the crazy high demands being placed on us this quarter. There are multiple days with five different assignments due. Plus our internships and if we happen to have a personal life, that is completely gone by now. That being said, Navin will visit in a few weeks for my birthday and I cannot wait to see him again. And I am going to try really really hard to get all of my homework done in time to hangout with him, sans schoolwork.
I cannot wait to get a job that stops when I go home. I know that those kinds of jobs don’t pay that well, but right now that’s all I want. Something fun, with nice people, a supportive environment, that pays over 50,000 per year. I would be thrilled. Oh yeah, it also has to be in Washington DC. I am worried about moving to the East Coast, and the funny thing is that it didn’t hit me until yesterday evening. All of a sudden I found myself picking fights with Navin and complaining that when I move so far away I will lose my life here. Though my time in Austin has only left a skeleton here for me anyway, I figure if we move back in two or three years, my life here will have turned to dust. My friends will forget me or move away. My brother would already have one child, likely with a second on the way.
I don’t know if I want to have kids. But I know Navin does, and he’d make such a wonderful father. Sometimes I think that we will have kids just so I can see him interact with them. But he knows I am thinking that, and he’s been warning me against it. Well, anyway, we’ll just have to see what happens. I know that in time what I want will become more clear to me. And whatever that is, I know Navin will support me, just like he has always done over this year that he has been in my life.