It seems as though I am lost...
What can I say about China that I do not like except for:the current situation with my roommate, it is so exhausting I had to run away from my house now I think my mother is afraid because I didn't come home all day yesterday and they called many times. I just didn't want to come back it was scariest panic when I had to come home. I came home at 9o'clock in the morning from my trip to Shanghai and to be honest it was the worst trip I have ever taken in my life. I was constantly running away from the people who made me want to hurl namely my roommate Sylvie and it was exhausting not to mention unnerving when I heard my name being said in the midst of a german conversation, it was really just not cool. As I was saying I came back from my trip at nine am Monday morning I just couldn't get myself to stay in my house so I left I had nothing with me and was still wearing clothes from the train I left and went to a park in some buildings a block away and I hid for sometime after I got an arab snack and tried to force myself to go back home only to find I could not make myself get into the elevator so I just backed away and walked until I got tired got on a bus to my friend Marco's house and hung out wiht him I decided to wash my clothes and shower it was nice to hang out with Marco in his track pants and a tee all day until my clothes were dry, at that point I had no more of an excuse to stay but Marco told me to spend the night I did and I felt much better in the morning I went to school and at all costs avoided contact with her, as a matter of fact I switched out of that class and moved to a different class with sweet boys who are funny and give me hugs all the time....they are great. It makes me think of Suzie:my old class was like S&M and my new class is like a warm hug(literally) I am really afraid I fucked up in thinking I could live with someone I was constantly accomodating and making excuses for but alas I have to be a little more grown up about it and be the bigger person because god knows she can't be I just have to deal a bit better and not take as much shit from her and I intend to pull through I intend to stand up for myself and not be had by her. At this point though it doesn't matter Tej and I are no longer functioning as we had previously and the mental strain I feel I am under is just making me bitchy...to everyone...so yeah... I lose...GAME OVER, I just have to deal. enough bitching about it it is done I already have a new game plan and I hope things get better. I have to go ...and fix my room and do my laundry and....do things I realized you have to do once you leave home and your grandma isn't around. Hve anice day, and if you have flatmates...BE NICE TO TO THEM!!!