(no subject)
wow. summer is almost over, and school is getting ready to start again.
it seriously weirds me out to think how different things are starting this year than last. and even how different i am. not just that i'm not going to be at AU, and not going to be an RA. more different than just that stuff. you know how you ususally never feel like you've changed. you can look around at a different place with all your close friends and see how they have changed but rarely do we notice our own changes. i don't think its because i've reflected upon myself and seen something different than i used to, i just feel different.
i think i'm beginning to realize that i'm at a strange place in my life where i neither belong to the old me nor have i really become who i will be. i'm some in-between val who belongs no where. i've yet to find my own home but i've realized that hagerstown is not my home anymore. i've known that i don't want to work at martins anymore, but i'm scarred to leave but even more to stay. and as i know that's not what i want to do, i haven't pinpointed what it is i do want to do.
i guess i thought that coming to hagerstown, i'd feel more connected than when i'm at school. but that really didn't happen. but i know i needed to come back so i could learn that i'd grown out of it. not saying i'm too good or anything, just that everyone should go and be where they fit. and while hagerstown used to fit, it no longer does. it has changed into something that barely resembles what i knew, and i've changed into someone who doesn't belong. we're two un-meshable things.
hmmm.....
i'm tired of typing now. so bye.
it seriously weirds me out to think how different things are starting this year than last. and even how different i am. not just that i'm not going to be at AU, and not going to be an RA. more different than just that stuff. you know how you ususally never feel like you've changed. you can look around at a different place with all your close friends and see how they have changed but rarely do we notice our own changes. i don't think its because i've reflected upon myself and seen something different than i used to, i just feel different.
i think i'm beginning to realize that i'm at a strange place in my life where i neither belong to the old me nor have i really become who i will be. i'm some in-between val who belongs no where. i've yet to find my own home but i've realized that hagerstown is not my home anymore. i've known that i don't want to work at martins anymore, but i'm scarred to leave but even more to stay. and as i know that's not what i want to do, i haven't pinpointed what it is i do want to do.
i guess i thought that coming to hagerstown, i'd feel more connected than when i'm at school. but that really didn't happen. but i know i needed to come back so i could learn that i'd grown out of it. not saying i'm too good or anything, just that everyone should go and be where they fit. and while hagerstown used to fit, it no longer does. it has changed into something that barely resembles what i knew, and i've changed into someone who doesn't belong. we're two un-meshable things.
hmmm.....
i'm tired of typing now. so bye.