Y I haven't been talking much beware slightly emo girl problems. how do you know when it's cheating?
So I seem to have a problem with becoming attracted to women who are already in relationships. They also both have have partners, one a spouse the other a partner of 7 years, who have military experience. Greg says it's because I'm a thrill seeker, but let me say I am not seeking this.
I live with Nikki and Erika. They have been together for 7 years officially and an extra year when Nikki was working on stealing Erika from her girlfriend. Nikki and I hang out around the house a bunch because both of us work nights and are normally up then anyway. We like the same TV shows too so when she's home we kinda chill on the couch and watch stuff. Erika has to work at evil hours, like 7am when she has to drive an hour to get to work, so I don't get to hang out as much with her but I really like her.
I don't know when things seemed to shift, but they did and now I have found myself in a semi uncomfortable position. Nikki and I have the same sort of sense of humor and we talk about random things and like to mess with each other. When on the couch she might lay her head on my leg and I seem to have an inability to have something fluffy on my lap and not pet it, so I'll play with her hair. Greg and I were joking about how I wear a slip lead at work in case I need one with the dogs so he took a picture of my while he was holding it saying I was his bitch. I told Nikki and she started on about how no one should own me and I should choose whoever I wanted to be with. Then she got more joking when I had told her that I would pick her over Greg to own me if they fought, as he tried to take what was hers. She said she would be a good owner and I joked that I would have to feed myself, so she asked if that made her the pet. I told her that I would have to get her a collar and more joking ensued.
I got home that morning and she was woken up by Erika after she'd left and I had to work that evening, but she had to leave the house around 3-4pm so I figured we could hang out and then I would sleep before I had to go to school. I wanted to show her the Axis of Evil tour that I had downloaded, but it wasn't working so we watched Torchwood on my DVR. We were in my bed and just sort of laying next to each other with our legs side by side or something small like that. Then slowly it shifted to where I was laying right next to her on my side because I was cold and kinda sleepy even though I was paying attention.
My neck hurt because of how I was laying so she massaged my neck and after that she laid backwards and she pulled me back to lay on her. After that I was glad I had watched the show because she began petting me. Nothing really bad, just rubbing her hand along my arms and playing with my hair. Around 1 we had no more episodes so we got a small lunch and then started watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. After eating I was laying on my side and she had me move back. I was able to pay a bit better attention but there was a time when I actually thought "Danger Will Robinson," not only making me glad I recognized what was happening, but also showing my complete and thorough nerdom.
She ran her thumb across my bottom lip. Along with along my stomach and my neck and my upper chest. She seems to like my ears also.
At Oak Lawn she bought me a double rum and coke so I was nice and drunk after the double Crown and Coke at the other party. On the ride back she had her arm in the back seat and she was running her hand along my calf and even tried to move to my thigh. When I was pulling up my tights on the way there she said "that's not distracting" and asked if I wanted to make it there alive. When she haded me my phone in line to S4 she ran her fingers along my palm. She's licked and bitten my ear. She said she doesn't want me to trim my nails because when she "finally attacks" me she wants me to be able to scratch her. She was more drunk than I was but was able to remember our text conversation where I had implied that given the choice I would choose her.
Today she told me she likes the smell of my hair. She also found the fact that after we got in her car after they installed her new stereo and she was testing her iPod that the song Meredith Brooks - What would happen if we kissed? came on at the lines "What would happen if we kissed/Would your tongue slip past my lips," to be amusing. It's a bit switched because she's the one that's taken but I am the one who is more passive. Not instigating, but not saying no.
It's difficult because I don't know how we stand and 1/2 of me hates this saying that I am fucking living with her girlfriend right there and the fact that when she is on the phone with Erika and playing with my hair I should feel guilty or bad or make her stop or something. The other half just wants her to kiss me already. Well, maybe only 1/3 or 1/4 cares about Erika. Which somehow makes it worse without making it worse.
It's not like I had a crush on her or anything. It's not even just pure want. It's like somehow she's inserted herself in my life and I, for the first time, have no problems with it.
I can't even do what I normally do when presented with a problem because where would I run too? She's home with me every Monday afternoon, all Wednesday, all Friday and every other Thursday.
For the first time I find myself with someone that I am actually physically comfortable with and I can't actually have her. I don't even think she would stay interested in my for very long because I've told her that I would be a challenge to get into bed and she isn't the type to be in a relationship for the cuddle time or the talks. I want to make myself stop, but that never has worked before.
I live with Nikki and Erika. They have been together for 7 years officially and an extra year when Nikki was working on stealing Erika from her girlfriend. Nikki and I hang out around the house a bunch because both of us work nights and are normally up then anyway. We like the same TV shows too so when she's home we kinda chill on the couch and watch stuff. Erika has to work at evil hours, like 7am when she has to drive an hour to get to work, so I don't get to hang out as much with her but I really like her.
I don't know when things seemed to shift, but they did and now I have found myself in a semi uncomfortable position. Nikki and I have the same sort of sense of humor and we talk about random things and like to mess with each other. When on the couch she might lay her head on my leg and I seem to have an inability to have something fluffy on my lap and not pet it, so I'll play with her hair. Greg and I were joking about how I wear a slip lead at work in case I need one with the dogs so he took a picture of my while he was holding it saying I was his bitch. I told Nikki and she started on about how no one should own me and I should choose whoever I wanted to be with. Then she got more joking when I had told her that I would pick her over Greg to own me if they fought, as he tried to take what was hers. She said she would be a good owner and I joked that I would have to feed myself, so she asked if that made her the pet. I told her that I would have to get her a collar and more joking ensued.
I got home that morning and she was woken up by Erika after she'd left and I had to work that evening, but she had to leave the house around 3-4pm so I figured we could hang out and then I would sleep before I had to go to school. I wanted to show her the Axis of Evil tour that I had downloaded, but it wasn't working so we watched Torchwood on my DVR. We were in my bed and just sort of laying next to each other with our legs side by side or something small like that. Then slowly it shifted to where I was laying right next to her on my side because I was cold and kinda sleepy even though I was paying attention.
My neck hurt because of how I was laying so she massaged my neck and after that she laid backwards and she pulled me back to lay on her. After that I was glad I had watched the show because she began petting me. Nothing really bad, just rubbing her hand along my arms and playing with my hair. Around 1 we had no more episodes so we got a small lunch and then started watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. After eating I was laying on my side and she had me move back. I was able to pay a bit better attention but there was a time when I actually thought "Danger Will Robinson," not only making me glad I recognized what was happening, but also showing my complete and thorough nerdom.
She ran her thumb across my bottom lip. Along with along my stomach and my neck and my upper chest. She seems to like my ears also.
At Oak Lawn she bought me a double rum and coke so I was nice and drunk after the double Crown and Coke at the other party. On the ride back she had her arm in the back seat and she was running her hand along my calf and even tried to move to my thigh. When I was pulling up my tights on the way there she said "that's not distracting" and asked if I wanted to make it there alive. When she haded me my phone in line to S4 she ran her fingers along my palm. She's licked and bitten my ear. She said she doesn't want me to trim my nails because when she "finally attacks" me she wants me to be able to scratch her. She was more drunk than I was but was able to remember our text conversation where I had implied that given the choice I would choose her.
Today she told me she likes the smell of my hair. She also found the fact that after we got in her car after they installed her new stereo and she was testing her iPod that the song Meredith Brooks - What would happen if we kissed? came on at the lines "What would happen if we kissed/Would your tongue slip past my lips," to be amusing. It's a bit switched because she's the one that's taken but I am the one who is more passive. Not instigating, but not saying no.
It's difficult because I don't know how we stand and 1/2 of me hates this saying that I am fucking living with her girlfriend right there and the fact that when she is on the phone with Erika and playing with my hair I should feel guilty or bad or make her stop or something. The other half just wants her to kiss me already. Well, maybe only 1/3 or 1/4 cares about Erika. Which somehow makes it worse without making it worse.
It's not like I had a crush on her or anything. It's not even just pure want. It's like somehow she's inserted herself in my life and I, for the first time, have no problems with it.
I can't even do what I normally do when presented with a problem because where would I run too? She's home with me every Monday afternoon, all Wednesday, all Friday and every other Thursday.
For the first time I find myself with someone that I am actually physically comfortable with and I can't actually have her. I don't even think she would stay interested in my for very long because I've told her that I would be a challenge to get into bed and she isn't the type to be in a relationship for the cuddle time or the talks. I want to make myself stop, but that never has worked before.