Healing is not Weakness
This morning i woke up. I do that. But this morning I woke feeling sorry for myself. I suppose it really started last night, I got into bed because I was feeling sick and in pain and thought I should just give up and go to bed. And then I sat in bed and texted Nathan for a whlie and just felt like shit. Crying because I was scared. Crying because I sent my mom home too soon. Etc. So I took my last vicodine and fell asleep. And when I woke up 12 hours later i talked to Jess and again felt sorry for myself. And then I texted my mom saying that I just didn't think I should still feel this bad. She wrote me back saying "of course you should! you just underwent major surgery, did you forget? Silly girl, maybe it's time to stop taking those Vicodine." Thanks, mom. She's always the one who just says it. So I'm off Vicodine for good and I finally feel better, and I'm healing. I'm just a terrible patient. I hate waiting to heal. I'm too impatient to be a patient.
Oh and of course this could have been spurred by the scary Friday night ER visit i had. I sat down around 10:30 pm and realized my ankle was swollen and I was losing feeling in my leg. I had Andrea drive me to the ER and got checked out. Five hours later I had undergone a horrible IV, blood work, CT scan, ultrasound of leg and numerous vitals checks. They looked for blood clots, which are a huge side affect of the surgery, but found nothing and in the end determined that it was temporary spinal damage from surgery and the OR table. The doc gave me more Vicodine which I'm not taking and said I can't lift anything over 10 pounds or bend at the waist. fun stuff.
I'm a little anxious about school starting because I'm not completely healed yet and I think I'll have to see if Zach will carry my backpack for me for the first week. I think once I get my books and some job interviews I'll feel a bit better. I've turned in a million applications and resumes all over and I'm just waiting for a call now. Bath and Body Works seems promising which would be good. I think at this point I'm just waiting to push play, but pause seems to be taped down along with my incisions. Which reminds me, I somehow have to manage to take my surgical dressings off tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to that...