Best. Vending machine. Ever.
You know those little gumball-style vending machines that may sell crummy jewelry or rubber balls or little figurines? You usually see them outside of Walmart or Kmart and places like that. There's a diner near my apartment that has a machine that sells MOUSTACHES.
I am convinced that the entire history of our civilization has all been leading up to this. Thousands of years of seemingly chance meetings and furtive couplings, generations of people whose lives were just a link necessary to create the circumstances under which a child would one day be born and then grow up to put a moustache in a little plastic bubble and offer it for sale in a machine in a restaurant vestibule. I understand everything now. Ladies and gentlemen, the human race has reached its pinnacle.
Full disclosure: I am single-handedly keeping the moustaches-in-bubbles business afloat. I cannot pass that machine without purchasing as many moustaches as I have quarters. A girl can never have too many moustaches.
I am convinced that the entire history of our civilization has all been leading up to this. Thousands of years of seemingly chance meetings and furtive couplings, generations of people whose lives were just a link necessary to create the circumstances under which a child would one day be born and then grow up to put a moustache in a little plastic bubble and offer it for sale in a machine in a restaurant vestibule. I understand everything now. Ladies and gentlemen, the human race has reached its pinnacle.
Full disclosure: I am single-handedly keeping the moustaches-in-bubbles business afloat. I cannot pass that machine without purchasing as many moustaches as I have quarters. A girl can never have too many moustaches.