Fic: Depths of the Soul, 3/17, Obidala, M
Title: Depths of the Soul
Author: queen_meep
Pairing: Obi-Wan/Padme
Rating: M, contains sexual situations
Status: Complete
Original Beginning Date: 10-03-05
Original Completion Date: 04-16-06
Prequel: A Search For Wings: Fallen Angel
Summary: Continuation of A Search for Wings: Fallen Angel. AnakinObidala. Post ROTS, AU, ObiWan struggles with inner turmoil at the new developments of Endor, and Darth Vader waits to claim his ultimate revenge. (As originally posted from ff.net)
Originally posted here.
Back to the index post.
Chapter 3 - Obi-Wan's Demons
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, finally reflecting on the emotions that Darth Vader had provoked in him during their duel. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, creating a void for the feelings to rush into. And they slammed at him full force, all of the anger, the betrayal, the grief, the guilt, and the jealousy. He let himself fall into it, exploring why.
He saw himself back at the power generator in Theed, following the Sith Lord Darth Maul with his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn. They had chased him to the melting pit. The entire area had been riddled with electron gates, making staying together nearly impossible. The Sith Lord was using this to his advantage.
An electron gate closed just before Obi-Wan reached it and he slid to a stop, frustration welling within him as he realized Qui-Gon was left alone with the Sith. He was capable only of watching and waiting until the gate would reopen. And it left him powerless as he was forced to sit and watch his Master get run through.
Anger and grief simultaneously swelled through his body, giving him new animation as Darth Maul rushed at him instead. This gave him a temporary grasp of a new power, something that he needed to tackle the much more experienced Sith Lord. He was not holding his own for long, and found himself falling down the shaft towards the melting pit, barely holding on to safety. Despair filled him, he at first believed it better to simply let go and let destiny take hold. His Master was gone, there was no way he could beat the superior Sith Lord.
But hope prevailed, he reached out with the Force and regained his footing and Qui-Gon’s lightsaber- his own was lost to the pit. Somehow he beat Darth Maul, and somehow he was safe once more. He did not question it, simply ran to his Master’s side.
Grief overran rational thought, he lost coherent thought, “Master! Master!”
Qui-Gon shook his head, “It’s too late… it’s…”
The Apprentice protested, shaking his own head, “No!”
His Master continued, trying to get across his last final message, “Obi-Wan promise… promise me you’ll train the boy.”
Obi-Wan looked confused, but promised, “Yes, Master…”
Qui-Gon finished it, “He is the chosen one… he will… bring balance… train him!” with that, he died. The grief again rushed him, and even after all these years Obi-Wan was not sure how it could get more painful. He let it ride, however, following the trail.
The chosen one. The prophecy fulfilled. He remembered the frustrations of Anakin. It had been difficult to learn how to train another so fresh out of his own training. He was not capable of creating a fatherly bond with Anakin, he felt more like a brother. At least the feelings of envy were not present- he had not ever wished to revisit the levels of training.
He had, however, lapsed on one day in the same way his young Apprentice had. They had gone to visit Padmé to protect her after an assassination attempt, after all those years. He had long put his feelings to rest over the beautiful young woman. He had chalked it all up to lust. But on the lift ride up to see her once more, he found himself getting just as giddy and nervous as his Padawan.
He remembered telling Anakin to be mindful of his feelings, and nearly laughed at himself for it. He recalled Anakin’s young face, so full of passion and enjoyment for everything. The only care the young man had ever entertained was whether he was progressing quickly enough, whether he was ready.
That had been his major error, he noted- he had not trained his Padawan in patience. He looked back in retrospect, noticing even then the heated glances between Anakin and Padmé. It had been years, then. He remembered giving her a warning only a short time while before, that he was afraid that Anakin would be advancing on her. What a fool he had been! He thought back quickly, doing the math. She could have been pregnant already when he had warned her!
The betrayal sunk his heart into his gut. He could not believe that he had been kept in the dark about such an important development in his Padawan’s life for so long! His imagination ran wild at all the hundreds of times that he could have woken up beside Padmé, held her in his arms, nuzzled her close to him.
Darth Vader’s words filled his mind, “I suppose now you know what it’s like feeling her writhe in your arms, her naked skin pressing against yours.” The images were very strong, first of Padmé lying in bed, waiting. But then, she was joined by another man- Anakin. The next words sunk in, “And does she cry out your name, or mine?”
He had heard Padmé cry out Anakin’s name several times in other scenarios, this one was not difficult to imagine at all. Between the images of her in the throes of passion with his former Apprentice and her voice echoing through him, he was going mad.
The anger bubbled through him, he wanted to scream.
He opened his eyes upon hearing her stir, the anger still coursing through him, heating his body. Obi-Wan watched as Padmé rose to a seat in the bed, watching him. She remained silent, apparently sensing his state.
He rose to join her, she still did not move. He sat beside her, his eyes focusing on her mouth which moments before had been crying out Anakin’s name in his vivid imagination. He put his arms about her, drew her close for a kiss. He sought to reclaim possession of her mouth, rid himself of the memories.
Padmé pulled back gently, looking at him better in the pale light. His confrontation with his demons had animated his face, darkened his eyes. “Obi-Wan?” she simply asked.
He went to reclaim her mouth again for another kiss, not wanting to discuss, but she drew back as he drew near. She frowned, whispering to him, “Talk to me. Please.”
Obi-Wan looked away, and the back of his head was revealed to her. She realized it now, his haircut had been the same one that he and Anakin had shared in their Padawan years, respectively. He had also cut out much of the grey that had found itself creeping in over the years.
It made the appearance that his youth had returned, and she half expected a Padawan braid to swing across his shoulder. But she put that aside, not letting herself get distracted from the goal at hand. “What is wrong?”
He looked back at her, not wanting to tell her everything, yet knowing he could not keep silent forever, she would always know there was something different and constantly ask him until she got the answer. And it felt strange keeping feelings from her when she could so clearly see them in their bond. His eyes were glinting, almost as if he were ready to cry, “It is just so hard, Padmé.” He whispered back, tracing his fingers across her lips. He still struggled to get the image out of his mind.
She nodded, her own eyes tearing up, “I know. But hopefully it will be easier for both of us if we talk about it… you have helped me a lot with my own issues, lately. Especially after I lost the children and Ani…” she trailed off, touching his own face. She was rather worried, she had never seen so many conflicting emotions in his face before, never seen him on the brink of tears.
He leaned in again, kissed her more softly this time. “There are just some things I need to handle on my own first, then I can share with you.” He whispered, giving her one more gentle kiss. “But for now, my love…” his voice caught at the possessive word, reminded him of why he was upset in the first place. His kisses grew more insistent; he needed contact with her again. He broke off for a moment, knowing he would need to explain or she would draw away from him again. “I need to move on from the past, Padmé. Vader reminded me that you were once with another. He is preying on jealousy.” It was not that simple, but it would do for now.
Padmé put her hands on his face, staring into his troubled eyes, “Obi-Wan, we agreed that the past is just that- the past. There are no more what-ifs. We are here now, with a child of our own on the way. I love you.” She reminded him, the tears spilling out as she blinked, only a partial sense of relief coming. He had admitted part of the problem, yet it was not something she could help him with directly. Only he could work through feelings of jealousy, but she could be there for support along the way.
Obi-Wan kissed the edges of her eyes, kissing the tears away. He trailed tender kisses across her face, drawing her in closer for an embrace. The passion still led him, but he tempered it much more than before, whispered back in her ear, “I love you.”
It was only until much later, in the bathroom with the shower running, did he allow the tears he felt to come. The traditional Jedi path had been the only one he had ever known- he had no idea what to do now.
Back to the index post.
Author: queen_meep
Pairing: Obi-Wan/Padme
Rating: M, contains sexual situations
Status: Complete
Original Beginning Date: 10-03-05
Original Completion Date: 04-16-06
Prequel: A Search For Wings: Fallen Angel
Summary: Continuation of A Search for Wings: Fallen Angel. AnakinObidala. Post ROTS, AU, ObiWan struggles with inner turmoil at the new developments of Endor, and Darth Vader waits to claim his ultimate revenge. (As originally posted from ff.net)
Originally posted here.
Back to the index post.
Chapter 3 - Obi-Wan's Demons
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, finally reflecting on the emotions that Darth Vader had provoked in him during their duel. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, creating a void for the feelings to rush into. And they slammed at him full force, all of the anger, the betrayal, the grief, the guilt, and the jealousy. He let himself fall into it, exploring why.
He saw himself back at the power generator in Theed, following the Sith Lord Darth Maul with his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn. They had chased him to the melting pit. The entire area had been riddled with electron gates, making staying together nearly impossible. The Sith Lord was using this to his advantage.
An electron gate closed just before Obi-Wan reached it and he slid to a stop, frustration welling within him as he realized Qui-Gon was left alone with the Sith. He was capable only of watching and waiting until the gate would reopen. And it left him powerless as he was forced to sit and watch his Master get run through.
Anger and grief simultaneously swelled through his body, giving him new animation as Darth Maul rushed at him instead. This gave him a temporary grasp of a new power, something that he needed to tackle the much more experienced Sith Lord. He was not holding his own for long, and found himself falling down the shaft towards the melting pit, barely holding on to safety. Despair filled him, he at first believed it better to simply let go and let destiny take hold. His Master was gone, there was no way he could beat the superior Sith Lord.
But hope prevailed, he reached out with the Force and regained his footing and Qui-Gon’s lightsaber- his own was lost to the pit. Somehow he beat Darth Maul, and somehow he was safe once more. He did not question it, simply ran to his Master’s side.
Grief overran rational thought, he lost coherent thought, “Master! Master!”
Qui-Gon shook his head, “It’s too late… it’s…”
The Apprentice protested, shaking his own head, “No!”
His Master continued, trying to get across his last final message, “Obi-Wan promise… promise me you’ll train the boy.”
Obi-Wan looked confused, but promised, “Yes, Master…”
Qui-Gon finished it, “He is the chosen one… he will… bring balance… train him!” with that, he died. The grief again rushed him, and even after all these years Obi-Wan was not sure how it could get more painful. He let it ride, however, following the trail.
The chosen one. The prophecy fulfilled. He remembered the frustrations of Anakin. It had been difficult to learn how to train another so fresh out of his own training. He was not capable of creating a fatherly bond with Anakin, he felt more like a brother. At least the feelings of envy were not present- he had not ever wished to revisit the levels of training.
He had, however, lapsed on one day in the same way his young Apprentice had. They had gone to visit Padmé to protect her after an assassination attempt, after all those years. He had long put his feelings to rest over the beautiful young woman. He had chalked it all up to lust. But on the lift ride up to see her once more, he found himself getting just as giddy and nervous as his Padawan.
He remembered telling Anakin to be mindful of his feelings, and nearly laughed at himself for it. He recalled Anakin’s young face, so full of passion and enjoyment for everything. The only care the young man had ever entertained was whether he was progressing quickly enough, whether he was ready.
That had been his major error, he noted- he had not trained his Padawan in patience. He looked back in retrospect, noticing even then the heated glances between Anakin and Padmé. It had been years, then. He remembered giving her a warning only a short time while before, that he was afraid that Anakin would be advancing on her. What a fool he had been! He thought back quickly, doing the math. She could have been pregnant already when he had warned her!
The betrayal sunk his heart into his gut. He could not believe that he had been kept in the dark about such an important development in his Padawan’s life for so long! His imagination ran wild at all the hundreds of times that he could have woken up beside Padmé, held her in his arms, nuzzled her close to him.
Darth Vader’s words filled his mind, “I suppose now you know what it’s like feeling her writhe in your arms, her naked skin pressing against yours.” The images were very strong, first of Padmé lying in bed, waiting. But then, she was joined by another man- Anakin. The next words sunk in, “And does she cry out your name, or mine?”
He had heard Padmé cry out Anakin’s name several times in other scenarios, this one was not difficult to imagine at all. Between the images of her in the throes of passion with his former Apprentice and her voice echoing through him, he was going mad.
The anger bubbled through him, he wanted to scream.
He opened his eyes upon hearing her stir, the anger still coursing through him, heating his body. Obi-Wan watched as Padmé rose to a seat in the bed, watching him. She remained silent, apparently sensing his state.
He rose to join her, she still did not move. He sat beside her, his eyes focusing on her mouth which moments before had been crying out Anakin’s name in his vivid imagination. He put his arms about her, drew her close for a kiss. He sought to reclaim possession of her mouth, rid himself of the memories.
Padmé pulled back gently, looking at him better in the pale light. His confrontation with his demons had animated his face, darkened his eyes. “Obi-Wan?” she simply asked.
He went to reclaim her mouth again for another kiss, not wanting to discuss, but she drew back as he drew near. She frowned, whispering to him, “Talk to me. Please.”
Obi-Wan looked away, and the back of his head was revealed to her. She realized it now, his haircut had been the same one that he and Anakin had shared in their Padawan years, respectively. He had also cut out much of the grey that had found itself creeping in over the years.
It made the appearance that his youth had returned, and she half expected a Padawan braid to swing across his shoulder. But she put that aside, not letting herself get distracted from the goal at hand. “What is wrong?”
He looked back at her, not wanting to tell her everything, yet knowing he could not keep silent forever, she would always know there was something different and constantly ask him until she got the answer. And it felt strange keeping feelings from her when she could so clearly see them in their bond. His eyes were glinting, almost as if he were ready to cry, “It is just so hard, Padmé.” He whispered back, tracing his fingers across her lips. He still struggled to get the image out of his mind.
She nodded, her own eyes tearing up, “I know. But hopefully it will be easier for both of us if we talk about it… you have helped me a lot with my own issues, lately. Especially after I lost the children and Ani…” she trailed off, touching his own face. She was rather worried, she had never seen so many conflicting emotions in his face before, never seen him on the brink of tears.
He leaned in again, kissed her more softly this time. “There are just some things I need to handle on my own first, then I can share with you.” He whispered, giving her one more gentle kiss. “But for now, my love…” his voice caught at the possessive word, reminded him of why he was upset in the first place. His kisses grew more insistent; he needed contact with her again. He broke off for a moment, knowing he would need to explain or she would draw away from him again. “I need to move on from the past, Padmé. Vader reminded me that you were once with another. He is preying on jealousy.” It was not that simple, but it would do for now.
Padmé put her hands on his face, staring into his troubled eyes, “Obi-Wan, we agreed that the past is just that- the past. There are no more what-ifs. We are here now, with a child of our own on the way. I love you.” She reminded him, the tears spilling out as she blinked, only a partial sense of relief coming. He had admitted part of the problem, yet it was not something she could help him with directly. Only he could work through feelings of jealousy, but she could be there for support along the way.
Obi-Wan kissed the edges of her eyes, kissing the tears away. He trailed tender kisses across her face, drawing her in closer for an embrace. The passion still led him, but he tempered it much more than before, whispered back in her ear, “I love you.”
It was only until much later, in the bathroom with the shower running, did he allow the tears he felt to come. The traditional Jedi path had been the only one he had ever known- he had no idea what to do now.
Back to the index post.