P.S. I'M STILL NOT OVER YOU
So you see my little froggie says I'm dissapointed right, well I am..dissapointed in myself. Wanna know why?
Well by now you've heard about my most current attempt at a relationship. Well there was someone before him, well there were a few someones, but only one of them count to me.
It's been a year, we never really even had a relationship. some may say what we had was special, I thought it was, it probably was at one point in time, now though...whatever we had is irrelevant. non-existant. It doesn't matter what so ever.
My problem people of LJ is that I'm not ever it. he's been over it. I know cause right now we are good friends, well we've always been good friends..really good friends..&& I know him well enough to know that he's not up thinking of me.
he thinks of her, even though he tells me..well used to tell me he never really cared for her, I know him well enough to know thats not true what-so-ever. He USED TO call me his wife even when he was with this new G..but he doesn't anymore. He USED TO tell me e still cared for me && that what we had can never be duplicated..but he doesn't anymore. My mind knows that he's done with me, every logical sense in me says GET THE FUCK OVER IT YOU STUPID LTTLE BROAD! but my sappy girlie little emotions THAT I HATE WITH MY WHOLE GUT just won't let go of the one person who uses me the most. && when I say that I don't mean uses me in any physical sense of the phrase, I mean emotionally. I mean the things he says to me haunts me, he knows he still has me on lock..he has me on lock so muhhfucking hard that I can hardly breathe, he knows hes got me...whether he fully realizes it I don't know. but somewhere in him he knows it.
So yes, i'm sitting here thinking of him, how he doesn't want me anymore. Thinking about the times we had where I knew I WAS THE MUHHFUCKING WIFEY && NO BEAN COULD SAY SHIT..the good times.
There was a time where I was THE G in his life..even when he was with her, but that PHASE passed..I THOUGHT I was over him, tlked to nexx guys, even had a relationship...you all know how that fuckery turned up. but at the end of it all, I was only thinking of him..
so yes LJ I am very dissapointed in myself..showing all the weakness..IT'S PATHETIC..&& I'm Pathetic..
but mark my muhhfucking words..it'll be hard..take time..put my in a while shitload of pain..but I WILL NOT STAND OF THIS BULLSHIT ANYLONGER!..
I'm on the verge of change && I don't care how long it takes to happen, it will happen...
I Thank Patricia Elizabeth DeSilva && Brittany Ann Fernandez for helping to try and cure my new epidemic of dwellinginthepast-itis. You girlies helped loads, but I gotta do this alone.