couples_therapy 7.3: If we break up...
[private]
If we break up, it will probably be because I can't commit the way Lindsey wants me to. I'm sure he thinks it'll be over something he does that I decide I can't forgive, but I don't think it will be. I think we'll fight a lot over things he does, as well as things I do, but unless he does something completely unforgivable like cheat on me or try to kill my friends, I don't see myself breaking up with him. I have a hard time forgiving the big things, but anything else, I'm willing to work through. Of course, I may be wrong. You never really know what your breaking point will be until you hit it.
The way things stand right now, the only way I can see us breaking up, outside of what I've already mentioned (and if he cheats on me, he'll be lucky if dumping him is all I do), is if he finally gets tired of waiting for me to commit and leaves me. He's told me he wants a future with me, even asked me to marry him (kind of). He's laid it all out there, so all that's left is for me to work through my crap and tell him I'm ready.
The thing is, I don't know if I ever will be ready. I have an awful lot of crap to work through: past relationships, future issues, all sorts of stuff in between. And I don't know how long he's going to be willing to wait for me. He wants the wife and kids and the whole big family thing, and let's face it: he's older than me. His biological clock has to be ticking more loudly than mine right now. Do guys have biological clocks? If not, then whatever the equivalent is for them. Point is, he's not going to wait for that family forever. And right now, the closest thing I'm able to give him is that damn puppy.
But then I think, how can I be expected to commit to anything right now? I'm dying, for god's sake! Sure, something will probably happen to fix everything before my expiration date hits, and I'll be able to go on, but there's no guarantee. And what if the thing that fixes it is Angel turning me? Somehow I doubt Lindsey's going to be all right with having a vampire as a wife. A wife, I might add, that can no longer have kids. And is bound, in some way, to Angel because he sired her. Yeah... I can see all of that being a real turn-off for him.
So until I know if I'm going to stay mortal (and alive), I guess there's not much I can do. Which is a lameass excuse, I know. But it's all I've got right now. Frankly, if he ever wants to get that ring on my finger, he's probably going to have to get me drunk and take me to Vegas. Because apparently, that way works for me just fine.
If we break up, it will probably be because I can't commit the way Lindsey wants me to. I'm sure he thinks it'll be over something he does that I decide I can't forgive, but I don't think it will be. I think we'll fight a lot over things he does, as well as things I do, but unless he does something completely unforgivable like cheat on me or try to kill my friends, I don't see myself breaking up with him. I have a hard time forgiving the big things, but anything else, I'm willing to work through. Of course, I may be wrong. You never really know what your breaking point will be until you hit it.
The way things stand right now, the only way I can see us breaking up, outside of what I've already mentioned (and if he cheats on me, he'll be lucky if dumping him is all I do), is if he finally gets tired of waiting for me to commit and leaves me. He's told me he wants a future with me, even asked me to marry him (kind of). He's laid it all out there, so all that's left is for me to work through my crap and tell him I'm ready.
The thing is, I don't know if I ever will be ready. I have an awful lot of crap to work through: past relationships, future issues, all sorts of stuff in between. And I don't know how long he's going to be willing to wait for me. He wants the wife and kids and the whole big family thing, and let's face it: he's older than me. His biological clock has to be ticking more loudly than mine right now. Do guys have biological clocks? If not, then whatever the equivalent is for them. Point is, he's not going to wait for that family forever. And right now, the closest thing I'm able to give him is that damn puppy.
But then I think, how can I be expected to commit to anything right now? I'm dying, for god's sake! Sure, something will probably happen to fix everything before my expiration date hits, and I'll be able to go on, but there's no guarantee. And what if the thing that fixes it is Angel turning me? Somehow I doubt Lindsey's going to be all right with having a vampire as a wife. A wife, I might add, that can no longer have kids. And is bound, in some way, to Angel because he sired her. Yeah... I can see all of that being a real turn-off for him.
So until I know if I'm going to stay mortal (and alive), I guess there's not much I can do. Which is a lameass excuse, I know. But it's all I've got right now. Frankly, if he ever wants to get that ring on my finger, he's probably going to have to get me drunk and take me to Vegas. Because apparently, that way works for me just fine.