Weekend getaway [Sunday afternoon, for evilhandissue]

[queen_c_tm]

Beginning of the weekend is here, but be warned: thread is long and smutty. We don't normally smut, but figured we might as well let the pups have some fun just this once. *g*When Lindsey had first suggested they go away for the weekend, Cordelia had been a little hesitant. Not because she didn't want to spend time with him, but because the whole

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[evilhandissue]

"So here I am with my pal Billy, and we're just waiting for the bartender to figure out that the ID's are fake. I mean come on, we're teenagers here, and the guy who forged them said we were thirty two. THIRTY TWO and I haven't even been ready to shave yet and the guy just looks at the ID's and give us the beers!"

Lindsey was carrying his sandles as they walked along the surf, telling Cordelia about the bar he had gone to growing up in Oklahoma. For someone who had wanted to escape the place so badly, he did have a lot of memories growing up.

"So anyway, we go hang out near the dance floor and this woman comes up to Billy, sitting in his lap and you know what she wanted. And there's poor Billy, not having a clue what the hell to do because he'd never seen a hooker before..."

[queen_c_tm]

"Poor Billy," Cordelia said, laughing. "That was one thing we never really had to deal with in Sunnydale. I maen, I'm sure there were hookers around, but they weren't that obvious. And the Brozne was too much of a school hangout, so the fake ID thing never would have worked."

She shrugged and walked along, smiling as the sun warmed her face, content with her own memories, strange as they may be.

"If I ever wanted beer, all I had to do was go to a frat party at the college. Bonus to being a girl. Except when the idiot frat boys tried to sacrifice me to their snake god."

Well, her and Buffy, but this was her story, so she was going to be the star.

[evilhandissue]

"Hate to say it, darlin', but your town is seriously fucked up. Worst I ever had to worry about, beyond the whole being cold and needing food to survive, was my daddy finding me smoking weed out back behind the barn."

He smiled at her. "Course, what happens to you growing up is what forms the person you are today, or so they say. If it wasn't for the things we did back then, we wouldn't be the way we are now."

[queen_c_tm]

She chuckled at the idea of him having a barn. She was such a city girl, she couldn't even imagine living on a farm, let alone picture Lindsey growing up there.

"You mean part-demon and evil?" she asked, grinning back at him and bumping his shoulder with hers as they walked. The "evil" was said with affection now, rather than the disdain she used to use. Funny how much can change in a few short weeks.

[evilhandissue]

He laughed then turned to walk backwards so he could face her. "Talking about yourself again, huh?" he grinned. "But yeah, in a way. I mean, seriously if you think about it... I know I have my share of sins, but if I took them away... somehow went back and erased my past and wrote a new one... I wouldn't be the person I am today. God knows who I would be, and whether it would be for better or for worse... but I would be different. And so would you."

[queen_c_tm]

"I know who I'd be. I got to see it, actually. Or at least a version of what I would be. I don't know if I'd exactly be her, but I think it would have been pretty close. Rich, famous, completely shallow. And definitely not someone that would be walking along this beach right now with you."

She glanced out at the water and smiled, then looked back at him.

"It's funny how much I used to want to be that person, but the more I think about her now, the more I realize how lucky I am that I didn't end up that way."

[evilhandissue]

Lindsey turned and shoved his hands in his pockets, walking beside Cordelia closely. "If I say something, you swear never to tell anyone, including Kara if she ties you down and goes all teen emo on you?"

[queen_c_tm]

"Of course. I only let her do that when it's my own secrets." She looked over at him, curious. "What is it?"

[evilhandissue]

Lindsey took a deep breath and looked away over the ocean. "Listen, you know I hate Angel. There's more than you'd ever want to know. But... in a way i can't help but respect the jerk."

He looked at Cordelia. "If he hadn't come to LA and screwed my life up the way he did... I might never have left that lawfirm. I would have ended up losing myself to the money and the power and whatever else they threw at me. And I would have kept taking it and taking it. And I really would have sold my soul to them."

[queen_c_tm]

Cordelia smiled a little, because she knew how hard that was for him to admit. But then the smile faltered a little as something he said confused her.

"I thought you said they did have your soul, though. Or something like that? Isn't that why you're back like this?"

[evilhandissue]

He watched her a moment. There was so much that happened in the two years between when he left LA and when he came back. Dark deals, training, promises and such. but it was confidences he wasn't going to share, especially not right away

[queen_c_tm]

"That's good to know. About your soul. Cause I've seen first-hand the difference one of those makes."

She wasn't sure everyone would be the same as Angelus without their soul, but it was the only means of comparison she had, and a pretty frightening one at that.

"So if they decide to tear up your contract, that's just it? You're gone? Damn, that's harsh." Not that she should be surprised. It was Wolfram & Hart, after all. She chewed at her lip for a moment, then looked over at him. "Aren't you kind of pushing it, then, being here with me like this? I mean, if they do find out about us and take it as some kind of betrayal, aren't you worried they might... I don't know, void you?"

[evilhandissue]

"It's a chance. But I've done alot worse to them and they kept me alive. I'd like to thik I'm too valuable. And I've spent too much time in my life devoted to researching them. The stuff in my head... you know that it's rare for someone to actually stay dead around here. Probably don't want to risk it.

"And hey, who knows, maybe they think you'll stabalize me out. Holland always told me I needed healthy attachments in my life."

He smiled a bit.

[queen_c_tm]

There was a brief moment where she almost suggested they might try to use him to get to her and her friends, but she stopped herself. They'd been having too good a weekend to ruin it with something like that.

It didn't mean it wouldn't still be in the back of her mind sometimes, but she'd be stupid not to have considered it. All she could do was be careful and trust him. Or try to.

"So I'm an attachment now?" she asked instead, giving him a teasing smile.

[evilhandissue]

He looked at the sand, smiling. "I do like you, Cordelia. I don't think I can really hide that fact anymore. I wasn't lying Friday when I said that you make me feel. You do."

He stopped and reached out to touch her face. "There so much going on now that I don't have anything stable to keep me anchored. I'm not a good man like I used to be, but I try. And I want to keep trying, if only it allows me to keep having this with you. It's just so hard sometimes..."

[queen_c_tm]

"I believe you," she said softly, stopping alongside him and looking into his eyes. "Maybe I'm crazy to, but I do. I wouldn't still be here if I didn't believe there was good in you. Or if I didn't like you, too."

She smiled a little and reached up to cover his hand with hers, holding it against her cheek. "And if I somehow help to ground you like you say, then I'm glad."