Yes, I'm alive.
I know, I know, I know... you have probably been checking this site compulsively for the last few weeks, waking up in the middle of the night with fervid nightmares in which you scream "WHERE IS BAHIYYIH?!?!?!?!?!?!!!" out into the universe with only the echo of your voice to answer you. For this, I appologize sincerely... but, my friend --and believe me, I know this is easier said than done-- you just might need to get a life. Mine is REALLY not that interesting.
This online diary thing fascinates me. I enjoy very much reading other people's journals. I have already mentioned in at least one previous post that
Dooce
is BY FAR my favorite. I read hers religiously. I find it disturbing on some level that I am so invested in the life of this person I have never and most probably will never meet. I suppose it is something akin to the involvment I have felt in ER from time to time over the span of my addiction to NBC... yes, I admit it, I cried when Dr. Green died... I cried and had to remind myself that praying for his family would be a waste of my time because he WAS A TV CHARACTER... yes, I am that girl. Reading
Dooce
is a creepy because she is a real person. I am prone to one-sided relationships, but this one really takes the cake. I am addicted. I confess. I have been known to read her blog more often than those of close friends. She write more often, and she is just so damned hysterical and sometimes I just need that. Anyway, God bless that woman. I do not feel that praying for her is a waste of my time.
In other news,
I have been in a dead panic for the last 36 hours because I thought I was going to get a D in a class in which I needed at least a C to graduate. For your information, this is so very not like me. I have not gotten anything less than a B in the entirity of my college career, and I have only gotten a couple of B's. I am not accustomed to praying for a C so that I can graduate. This class kicked my ass! "Why, dear God, WHY?!" you ask? I can tell you-- I am the queen of the procrastinators. I also have a knack for not being able to understand point systems until the bitter end. To make a ridiculously long story short, these two weaknesses conspired against me. My professor must have taken pity on me... and man, my last 7 essays were fucking brilliant, so it wasn't so much mercy as "Gee, she really does appear to know her stuff. Perhaps I shan't give her a D for not jumping up my ass on the point system." Anyway, so I get to graduate with a B in Psych of Child Development, which is A-OK with me, thanky. I feel much better about my life.
So graduation will happen on Monday, provided I pay my parking tickets and library fines before too much longer, and I will move from school to home for a while to collect my scattered brain cells. I will look at grad schools to get my counseling/guidance counseling master's, returning for a short time perhaps somewhere in the neighborhood of March-April to assistant direct a production of Midsummer Night's Dream on the mainstage here @ USC for a really awesome professor here. I'm excited about this. Life seems to be lining up in some ways, and that feels good. I may have a job @ an AM radio station at home while I'm there, as well as work @ Dad's office. I feel like it just might be okay. I do not, however, plan on staying home for more than a few months. This I think would not be good for my soul. Regardless, barring true and utter failure in the performance of my final scene for directing class and the improv in movement class, I will be walking on Monday and leaving Columbia.
Oh, and for those of you who were mentioned in the first paragraph of this entry, the show went quite well. I wish we'd had those 2 weeks of rehearsal we lost in the re-casting fiasco, but all went well. I thoroughly enjoyed the process. I worked with some amazing people, and I am so very glad that it all happened. Yay espeically for Tracey and Vincent. They rocked my world. It is decided-- when I am a famous director, Tracey will stage manage for me, and Vincent will play the reverend in any and all productions we do. I'll keep you posted.
Not everything is peas and carrots... a childhood friend of mine committed suicide this past Thursday. I hadn't talked to him in a while but our families are close, and it touched some deep chords, as such things do. He had been struggling with severe depression for some time, and something between medications and alcohol and whatever else makes people kill themselves resulted in this horrible thing. I cried for a few days every time someone who loved me was nice to me. I am so fucking BLESSED to have love from so many sides and be able to recognize it. I am so very sad that he felt that his life was so awful that he felt that he had no other option. Death by hanging is agonizingly slow and painful... one must truly desire to leave this earth to result to such things. Please send prayers to this young man's family and friends... pray that his soul and theirs find peace... and hold the people you love. I don't know much, but I do know this: it takes so little to love, and the returns are beyond amazing.
My soul longs for Haifa these days. I have concerns for my soul's well-being. I am feeling a little off-base and empty. I think it has something to do with the lack of prayer time, the messiness of my room (it always looks like a hurricane during finals time), my lack of physical exertion for... well, my entire life, but espeically since kayaking class ended, and issues in my living environment... not to mention the fact that the last LSA meeting last week was the first Baha'i event I had been to in at least 2 months, and that's a long time. Regardless of my feelings about living in this community, I need a little more than what I had been getting. I feel so far away from Haifa... which I am, in more ways than one. I need a good walk in the woods accompanied by heavy prayer time. Too much talkin', not enough walkin' if you know what I mean.
Speaking of which, I'm finished now.
This online diary thing fascinates me. I enjoy very much reading other people's journals. I have already mentioned in at least one previous post that
Dooce
is BY FAR my favorite. I read hers religiously. I find it disturbing on some level that I am so invested in the life of this person I have never and most probably will never meet. I suppose it is something akin to the involvment I have felt in ER from time to time over the span of my addiction to NBC... yes, I admit it, I cried when Dr. Green died... I cried and had to remind myself that praying for his family would be a waste of my time because he WAS A TV CHARACTER... yes, I am that girl. Reading
Dooce
is a creepy because she is a real person. I am prone to one-sided relationships, but this one really takes the cake. I am addicted. I confess. I have been known to read her blog more often than those of close friends. She write more often, and she is just so damned hysterical and sometimes I just need that. Anyway, God bless that woman. I do not feel that praying for her is a waste of my time.
In other news,
I have been in a dead panic for the last 36 hours because I thought I was going to get a D in a class in which I needed at least a C to graduate. For your information, this is so very not like me. I have not gotten anything less than a B in the entirity of my college career, and I have only gotten a couple of B's. I am not accustomed to praying for a C so that I can graduate. This class kicked my ass! "Why, dear God, WHY?!" you ask? I can tell you-- I am the queen of the procrastinators. I also have a knack for not being able to understand point systems until the bitter end. To make a ridiculously long story short, these two weaknesses conspired against me. My professor must have taken pity on me... and man, my last 7 essays were fucking brilliant, so it wasn't so much mercy as "Gee, she really does appear to know her stuff. Perhaps I shan't give her a D for not jumping up my ass on the point system." Anyway, so I get to graduate with a B in Psych of Child Development, which is A-OK with me, thanky. I feel much better about my life.
So graduation will happen on Monday, provided I pay my parking tickets and library fines before too much longer, and I will move from school to home for a while to collect my scattered brain cells. I will look at grad schools to get my counseling/guidance counseling master's, returning for a short time perhaps somewhere in the neighborhood of March-April to assistant direct a production of Midsummer Night's Dream on the mainstage here @ USC for a really awesome professor here. I'm excited about this. Life seems to be lining up in some ways, and that feels good. I may have a job @ an AM radio station at home while I'm there, as well as work @ Dad's office. I feel like it just might be okay. I do not, however, plan on staying home for more than a few months. This I think would not be good for my soul. Regardless, barring true and utter failure in the performance of my final scene for directing class and the improv in movement class, I will be walking on Monday and leaving Columbia.
Oh, and for those of you who were mentioned in the first paragraph of this entry, the show went quite well. I wish we'd had those 2 weeks of rehearsal we lost in the re-casting fiasco, but all went well. I thoroughly enjoyed the process. I worked with some amazing people, and I am so very glad that it all happened. Yay espeically for Tracey and Vincent. They rocked my world. It is decided-- when I am a famous director, Tracey will stage manage for me, and Vincent will play the reverend in any and all productions we do. I'll keep you posted.
Not everything is peas and carrots... a childhood friend of mine committed suicide this past Thursday. I hadn't talked to him in a while but our families are close, and it touched some deep chords, as such things do. He had been struggling with severe depression for some time, and something between medications and alcohol and whatever else makes people kill themselves resulted in this horrible thing. I cried for a few days every time someone who loved me was nice to me. I am so fucking BLESSED to have love from so many sides and be able to recognize it. I am so very sad that he felt that his life was so awful that he felt that he had no other option. Death by hanging is agonizingly slow and painful... one must truly desire to leave this earth to result to such things. Please send prayers to this young man's family and friends... pray that his soul and theirs find peace... and hold the people you love. I don't know much, but I do know this: it takes so little to love, and the returns are beyond amazing.
My soul longs for Haifa these days. I have concerns for my soul's well-being. I am feeling a little off-base and empty. I think it has something to do with the lack of prayer time, the messiness of my room (it always looks like a hurricane during finals time), my lack of physical exertion for... well, my entire life, but espeically since kayaking class ended, and issues in my living environment... not to mention the fact that the last LSA meeting last week was the first Baha'i event I had been to in at least 2 months, and that's a long time. Regardless of my feelings about living in this community, I need a little more than what I had been getting. I feel so far away from Haifa... which I am, in more ways than one. I need a good walk in the woods accompanied by heavy prayer time. Too much talkin', not enough walkin' if you know what I mean.
Speaking of which, I'm finished now.