(no subject)
Words can't describe what a worthless piece of shit I feel like right now.----All thanks to you.
I feel SO stupid now all thanks to you
I was doing so well. Three weeks/no tears to be exact.
Thanks. A. Fuckin. Lot.
Today after school I gave Laura a ride home and on the way out she was telling me how I need depression pills, because she seriously thinks I'm one of those people who are constantly depressed. I denied it and didn't believe it for a second. But now...I'm seriously going to start thinking about seeing the doctor, and finding out what the hell is wrong with me.
I was talking to this one guy at my work (he doesn't work there but he stops in to chill with the boss) anyways, he was telling me like his entire life story and at first I was like okay whatever get away let me get back to work type of mood, then out of no where he told me to never let people get to me (guess he noticed?) and he's like the only way you make it in the real world is if you listen with one ear and let it out the other. Don't let people tell you who you are. But always tell them they're right even when you know inside they're wrong, he was talking about jobs though. So 10 minutes before I'm out the door I'm all excited thinking this old man got to me and I'm actually going to follow through with his few words of advice....
Yeah. No.
I drive home come to my parents BITCHING like no other, and of course when they're angry they always have to take it out on me. Cause I'm the oldest kid in the house right now, and for some reason they think I can handle it. My mom (like always) starts opening her mouth saying things that REALLY get to me (AND SHE KNOWS IT, which is exactly why she says it!) My own mother man! How cold can one person get. I go to my room and just shut my door go to bed and start crying. My mom comes in and I dig my head into my pillow not wanting her to notice and she comes in only to bitch some more walks out and bitches some more to my dad about me.
I HATE HER. It's already bad enough I have to deal with EVERYONE'S shit at work but to come home and put up with MY OWN FREAKING MOTHER telling me how much of a worthless person I've grown up to be...KILLS ME INSIDE.
I can't handle this. I don't know what to do.
I was doing SO WELL these past couple of weeks--not letting anyone/anything get to me.
And now, AGAIN I'm back at where I left off at.
Family problems, school problems, and WORK PROBLEMS...
I hate it. I just want FOR ONCE for things to be PERFECT and to stay that way. Not for a week, not for a month...but forever. I just want to be happy forever...
I can't even have that
I'm seriously thinking about quitting my job. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I used to love working there, I used to love the people I worked with. Everything has to change for me. I have the worst luck in the world. Every bit of happiness I've ever came across has been torn apart and taken away from me.
My life can go from being so effin great to me feeling like complete shit in a day. What the fuck is wrong with me