Officially Missing You [Jongkey] [1/1]
Title: Officially Missing You
Pairing: Jongkey
Genre: Romance, Fluff, a little bit of Angst
Rating: PG (Language)
Word count: 3,149
Disclaimer(s): I own nothing.
Summary: Kim Kibum always knows what he's doing, but when he starts to question himself his life quickly begins to crumble and he has to learn there's only one person who can help him put everything back together again. Companion fiction to Need You Now.
A/N: This was written purely to satisfy my sweet tooth.
Two members of SHINee made their way alone around the familiar grooves in the floor of the practice room. Jonghyun and Kibum were practicing for a particularly difficult dance which included lots of hip thrusts and body waves that left Jonghyun paralyzed after many back wrenching attempts. Already a master of the dance, Kibum tried to guide his boyfriend through the moves as efficiently and quickly as possible, but he was slowly losing patience. Kibum normally thanked the Kim's good genes for Jonghyun's firm, muscle bound body, but now that he was trying to get the bulky frame to move in fluid, sexy motions he found himself cursing Jonghyun's blood line.
"Just watch how I do it," Kibum instructed, displaying his near perfect skills of any dance involving hip movement.
Jonghyun's eyes fixated on the lower half of Kibum, baby browns following every swish of his hips.
"Jjong, are you paying attention?' Kibum chided as he noticed the trance the other seemed to be stuck in.
With a slight nod of his head, Jonghyun answered. "Definitely."
Kibum planted his feet solidly on the floor and stopped dancing. "We're going to get no where if you can't focus."
Jonghyun forced his gaze, abliet slowly so he could soak in the rest of Kibum's gorgeous body, up to his boyfriend's face. "What?" he asked, a slightly dumbfounded expression on his sharply chizzled face.
"This is exactly what I mean," Kibum said with a huff, arms akimbo," Focus."
With a quick step forward and a coy smile, Jonghyun had his arms threaded through the spaces Kibum's arms left. "How can I focus with you in the room?" He spoke huskily in a tone that normally would have left Kibum feeling weak at the knees.
But today was obviously not a normal day. Kibum shoved Jonghyun away with strength his effeminate ways usually hid. "Fine, than I'll leave and you can practice on your own," he snapped while picking his towel up off the floor and heading for the door.
Jonghyun gently took hold of Kibum's wrist, using only enough force to keep the younger man from getting away. "What's wrong, babe?" he said, concern evident.
Kibum spun around on his heels to face the singer. "I'm tired of your shit," his voice resonated against the walls, contained only by the limited privacy the room gave," I want to have a normal practice for once."
Taken aback, Jonghyun took a moment to recover. "What are you talking about?" he demanded, taking a step closer to Kibum.
Eyes to the ceiling, Kibum flicked his hand in the air with his words," You heard my father on the phone last night," His hand motioned at the space between them," This? This isn't normal. I'm not normal," He stopped, taking in a shaky breath of air, " I'm a freak."
Despite the seriousness the situation called for, all of Jonghyun's thoughts derailed at Kibum's last words. His mind took a detour to just a few nights ago, before Kibum's father interrupted their relationship. It was just the two of them in the dorm ... He couldn't control the small smile that crept onto his lips and caused them to curl upward at the memory.
"I would not disagree with him there," he said off handedly, gaze clouded over and oblivious to the current situation.
With perfect aim, Kibum's towel shot from his hand in a crumpled ball to hit Jonghyun squarely in the face. Kibum let a loud string of vulgarities follow and with each one Jonghyun felt the loose control he had over his own temper slipping away. It only took a short time for both very passionate and emotional men to turn red in the face as they exchanged insults in the form of shouts only inches from each other's faces.
"I can't believe I ever fell for a bastard like you," Kibum spat, eyes narrowed to a deathly point.
"Maybe if you pulled your head out of your ass you'd see who the real bastard is," Jonghyun shot back, taking a dangerous move even closer.
Before their fight could turn into a physical one a light knock on the door halted their voices.
Taemin innocently poked his head into the room. "I came to help hyung learn the dance, but I heard shouting," he spoke, gaze bouncing between both singers," Is everything okay?"
Once agan collecting his discarded towel, Kibum slung it over his shoulder. "Everything is fine," he ground out, causing Jonghyun to flinch behind him. "Good luck, Taemin-ah." And with that, he was gone.
-----
Kibum marched into the SHINee dorm with his head held high and eyes blazing. He followed the sound of cupboards being rummaged through in the kitchen to find his fearless leader. Jinki had his back to the fiery personality as Kibum entered the kitchen and his head phones were in so he couldn't hear his approach. Kibum waited, arms crossed and foot tapping against the tiled flooring impatiently, for the older man to turn and notice his presence.
The pack of instant ramen held by his teeth nearly went flying as Jinki started when he turned to find Kibum glaring in his direction. "Are you okay?" Jinki asked around the plastic wrapping in his mouth, one hand held over his pounding heart," You scared me."
"I just wanted to let you know I'm leaving," Kibum stated curtly.
Jinki's eye brows shot up into his hairline. "What? But, we have the show on Saturday, and -"
"I'll get a flight back for it," Kibum cut in and then added, because he knew Jinki would ask," And I already spoke to manager hyung, he said it was okay."
"O-okay," Jinki said, worried but knowing better than to question the man on his actions. Kibum always knew what he was doing and if anyone tried to interfere it only made him mad. "I'll let the others know."
Kibum shrugged nonchalantly. "Do what you want, I just wanted to let you know," he said before exiting to pack his bags.
He was long over due for a visit to his grandmother's.
-----
The strong scent of orange and herbal tea filled his nostrils and every pore. Kibum took a deep breath in, smiling at the familiar odor of his grandmother's house. He could feel himself relaxing almost instantly just stepping inside the door. Once inside, the woman who had been hired to aid his grandmother around the house gingerly accepted his luggage, smiling and bowing in greeting before taking it away to his room.
"Kibummie," the strong presence of his grandmother's personality filled her voice and words and he felt himself swept into her sitting room.
"Halmeoni!" he cheerfully embraced the small woman before him who in turn placed several kisses on his rare make up free face.
Returning to her seat and motioning for him to do the same, his grandmother smiled warmly at him. "It's good to see you healthy," she spoke," But what kind of a grandson leaves his old grandmother to whither away without a single visit in three months?"
Kibum wrapped his fingers around the hot tea cup on the table in front of him while he settled onto his cushion. "I'm sorry, this grandson was not aware the beauitful, young halmeoni he'd seen during the holidays had deteriorated so quickly," he said cheekily.
His grandmother pointed a finger in his direction. "You smooth talker, I won't be fooled by you," she said with a knowing smile," I've met too many of you're kind in my life time."
They both laughed, but Kibum's grandmother could sense something was off right away. "Kibummie, tell me why you decided to visit," she said, folding her hands in her lap with a wisened expression on her face.
Kibum fell silent. How could he possibly explain his troubles to his grandmother without getting kicked out? After all, his grandmother was a traditional elderly woman, raised in the belief that homosexuality was wrong and disgusting. He could accept his father's rejection, but his grandmothers? He stared deeply into the swirl of loose herbal leaves in his tea, begging them to give him a proper response. But maybe he didn't need to wait for the tea leaves to answer him, maybe his grandmother already knew?
"Have you spoken to my father lately?" Kibum asked, tip toeing around her original question in hopes of not having to answer directly.
His grandmother scoffed. "I'll have nothing to do with my sour son unless it's absolutely necessary."
Kibum kept his eyes downcast. "So then you haven't spoken to him about my ... situation?" He looked up, through his auburn bangs, to watch the emotions play out on his grandmother's face.
"What situation?" His grandmother leaned forward, eyes narrowed at Kibum.
Forcing his lips to part into a smile, Kibum waved off the question. "It's not important," he said nonchalantly, trying to keep his eyes from misting over with unshed tears.
"Hm ... Maybe later we'll talk about it," His grandmother relented, but continued to watch him closely." Whatever it is, it won't settle itself if you just sit around," she offered before letting a comfortable silence take over.
By the time they had finished dinner and his grandmother had shooed him to his room to catch up on much needed sleep, Kibum was exhausted. He loved his grandmother's company, but there were so many emotions raging inside of him it was hard to focus just on her and let everything else go.
Flopping onto his large, comfy bed with a deep sigh, Kibum tried to let his body sink into the mattress in hopes he would never have to leave it. He tried with all the will power he had left to melt into the mattress, but the buzzing of his phone broke his concentration. He grabbed his cell, which was placed precariously on the bedside table, to find that Jonghyun had been calling and texting all day, each message sounding more and more desperate. There were even a few texts from the other members, asking what was wrong. With a frustrated growl, Kibum tossed the piece of technology across the room. Unfortunately, it landed unscratched with a soft 'thud' on the thick rug leading into the attached bathroom.
Kibum turned away from the sight of his continously buzzing phone, gaze set on the opposite wall. He squeezed them shut, trying to force himself to get some sleep, while the stream of hot tears he'd been holding back silently began to fall. Starting from the corner of his left eye, the tears made a steady trail across the bridge of his nose to meet with the rest from his right eye, finally pooling on the comforter in a puddle that was as pathetic as Kibum felt.
For once in his life Kim Kibum didn't know what to do.
-----
After crying himself to sleep, Kibum was plagued with nightmares of the phone conversation he'd had with his father. He woke up in a cold sweat, his father's booming voice still ringing in his ears, a rigid comparison to the sweet silence filling the house. His father's words continued to ping around inside his mind.
"Where did your mother fail when raising you?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"Why are you like this?"
"You're a freak!"
Kibum guessed that his father's final comment before he'd hung up the phone was the answer to all his questions. He was a freak, not normal, that was it. It wasn't anyones fault but his own. But then, was it anyone's fault?
Jonghyun had been all teary eyes and sweet words when he saw how upset Kibum was and he'd tried to comfort him as best he could. And that was only the beginning of all the times Jonghyun had shown his devotion, his love, for him during and even before their relationship. So what was so wrong with that? Just because they were both guys it was wrong for them to be in love?
His mind was a blur with thoughts, racing around, trying to arrange themselves in order to produce the right answer. Kibum felt overwhelmed, but there was no one to help him, no one to comfort him. Crawling off the bed and walking quietly to the other side of the room, Kibum knelt down to pick up his discarded phone. Going back to his bed with it, he pulled the covers over his shivering body and brought the phone to his ear to listen to the voice mails he'd gotten. Tears started to form again as the sound of Jonghyun's voice filled his ears.
How could someone who appeared to be so oblivious, even dumb at times, continue to amaze him? Jonghyun's sweet tenor swam through the phone's speakes and into his ears in a wave of bittersweet lyrics. Right away, Kibum could recognize it as an original, because it held a unique sound in every word and chord that whispered Jonghyun softly in the background.
After the song finished, Kibum leaned his head back against the hard oak headboard of his bed and stared at the sparkling background on his phone. He considered all of the options that sat before him, all of which meant he would be giving up one person in his life for another.
He didn't have a chance to decide before his phone began vibrating once again and the screen lit up, flashing "Jjong <3" as the caller ID. Without a moment's hesitation, Kibum hit the answer button and brought the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" Kibum spoke softly, only after he'd picked up the phone realizing the immensity of the situation.
A pause and than Jonghyun's honey voice filled Kibum's mind. "K-Kibum?" He sounded taken a back at first, but immediately perked up," You finally answered! I've missed you so much! I thought you never would, I thought you hated me, I thought - "
"I missed you too," Kibum abruptly cut off his boyfriend and than spoke the only words he would be able to live with the rest of his life," Baby, I'm sorry, I was so wrong before."
He could never choose anyone over Jonghyun, even if it meant being disowned from his family.
-----
Sitting down for breakfast in the morning, Kibum couldn't fight back the sideways smile that crept onto his lips. His grandmother sent him a quizzical stare over her cup while she sipped her tea.
"That's the first real smile I've seen out of you since you arrived here," she spoke with her own little smile in place.
Kibum looked up from his bowl of rice and shrugged. "I'm feeling a lot more ... sure, this morning," he answered, smile turning into a full out grin as he remembered the long conversation he and Jonghyun had deep into the wee hours in the morning.
"Did you settle whatever issues you were having?" She fished for answers, one eyebrow raised out of curiosity.
"Yeah, I did," he said with a firm nod.
She waited a few moments to see if he would give in and share his true thoughts with her, but he was just as stubborn as he'd been since childhood. With a great huff, she waved the hankerchief she used to dap at the sides of her lips in her grandson's direction. "Fine than, don't share with your wise, old halmeoni," she griped.
Kibum reached across the table to take his grandmother's hand in his own. "Will you be able to live with the thought you don't know about someone else's dirty laundry?" he teased in a perfectly serious tone.
Sticking him with a pointed look, his grandmother wagged a finger at Kibum. "Just you watch boy, you'll be just like this old woman in the future," she said with a twinkle of youth in her eyes only her grandson's company brought," Waking in the morning only to hear about other's problems will become your life, just you see."
With a snort, Kibum gently released his hold on his grandmother's hand and began eating once again.
"Don't snort at me, you little punk," She retorted, jabbing at the air in front of Kibum with her chopsticks," I've got enough energy in me yet to put you in your place if need be."
"Sorry, halmeoni," Kibum said, the smile returning to his lips at the woman's antics. He reached the conclusion that as long as he had his grandmother and Jonghyun, his life would be complete.
----
"You have to leave already?" His grandmother complained half heartedly as she followed Kibum to the front door.
Kibum placed his bags on the floor so that he could embrace his grandmother in a great, big hug. "Unfortunately. Don't worry, I'll be back soon," he said as he placed quick kisses on both her cheeks.
She returned the kisses. "Mmhm, like I haven't heard that one before," she said with a knowing smile.
Kibum glanced in the mirror placed on the wall and fixed a few stray locks of hair. "I know, I'm a horrible, busy grandson," he turned his attention back to her," but I promise I will be back as soon as my schedule allows."
Guiding him towards the door, she rolled her eyes. "You have to schedule your own grandmother in? Maybe I need to have a talk with your bosses," she joked, but Kibum knew underneath she was probably considering the option seriously.
"Who could ever question the power of Kim Jaehwa?" Kibum spoke with a chuckle as he opened the front door with his bags once again in tote.
His grandmother laughed along with him. "Well, have a good journey and stay healthy," she said as a final farewell, trying to hurry Kibum out the door before her dissapointment could set in.
"Thank you," Kibum said sadly," I love you, stay healthy."
"I love you too," His grandmother answered. She waited until he was out the door before she called after him," And tell that boy if he does anything to hurt my grandson, I will personally deal with him!"
Kibum laughed and waved as his grandmother shut the door and he made his way to his waiting cab. It wasn't until the meaning of the words struck him that he realized just what his grandmother was talking about. He turned a wide eyed expression on the closed door to his grandmother's house. How could she have ... ? He shook his head with a chuckle, because no matter how long he spent trying to figure out his grandmother, he never would be able to.
In his pocket his cell phone notified him of an incoming call and he hurried to answer it, smirking at the familiar voice that resonated across the line.
"Yeah, honey," Kibum said as he settled into the backseat of the cab," I'm on my way home."