She's Not A Refrigerator
I was going over some of the parts I’ve written and realized I have a penchant for Kurt looking at his nails. I don’t know if that’s because it’s something I tend to do when talking, or something else, but…
I don’t know, I couldn’t think of how to edit it away, so I just left it. I’ll try and fix it for other parts.
“Coach would kill Victoria if she were a Cheerio - look at her leg wobble.” Kurt shook his head in disdain. Mistoffelees flew out of the background, joining her to begin the introduction scene starting off the Jellicle Ball.
“She can’t be that bad,” Blaine started hesitantly, clearly unsure after having had his first impression of her intimidating, demanding force of sheer will - but also unable to give up his optimistic view that there was a little bit of good in everyone.
“I doubt it,” Rachel shot down, agreeing with Kurt. “Kurt was a Cheerio - he knows all about what they go through. Their regimen is more than even I put myself through for preserving of my voice.”
“Wait.” Blaine blinked, staring in shock at Kurt. “You were a cheerleader?”
Kurt flushed a particularly interesting shade of pink, ignoring the question.
“Poor Mistoffelees,” he mumbled as he filed his nails, hoping to change the topic of conversation quickly. Rachel nodded sympathetically as the young tuxedo kitten was turned down.
“You know it kind of reminds me of how you came in with a Broadway Classic to audition for a Top 40’s group,” Blaine remarked offhandedly, shrugging casually.
“I blame that on you,” Kurt shot icily at Rachel. “Why I went to you for advice, I have no idea. I must’ve been on more over-the-counter vitamins.”
“So anyway!” Blaine interrupted casually, changing the subject to something less explosive and nodding back towards the screen. He was good at distraction, drawing their attention to something else before an argument could break out. “I can see The Council singing background to Jenny. I mean, there are three of them after all: Wes, David, Thad - Demeter, Jellylorum, Bombalurina.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow, grinning.
“Oh really now? And how does that work out?” he teased, nudging Blaine’s shoulder gently. “Thad couldn’t pass Bomba’s sensuality, nor would David pull off Jellylorum’s notes with proper flair. As for Wes being Demeter… well, at least he’s got her stilted aloofness down.”
“Nonsense,” the shorter teen insisted, mirroring Kurt’s grin. “You saw how Thad was dancing when we performed for the girls of Crawford Academy - he and Logan were practically stripping on set.”
“Not their fault that Nick decided everyone should take their blazers off,” Kurt countered, his tone aloof as he sat straighter. Rachel frowned, not following the conversation - and quite annoyed that they were ignoring her like that.
“Kurt, you’re not being pressured into scandalous indignities, are you?” she demanded, glaring at Blaine. The countertenor turned a brilliant shade of pink, groaning as he covered his face in embarrassment.
“No Rachel. I assure you, I’m still as virtuous and frigid as you are.” She gasped, offended.
“I am not frigid!”
Finn, who had been passing the living room archway as he wandered down the hallway, ducked out from behind the wall.
“Hey dude, she’s not a refrigerator. She’s a vegan.” Blaine cracked up, trying to stifle his laughter as he slapped a hand over his mouth. Kurt merely rolled his eyes, flinging a throw pillow behind him.
“Frigid, Finn - not ‘fridge’. It means she doesn’t put out!”
“Oh. Well, she totally let me touch her boob once!” the older brother tried. Rachel shrieked, mortified.
“Finn Hudson -!” He was quick to disappear, leaving Kurt and Blaine to wrestle the girl back onto the couch before she let out her diva fury and broke something in a flurry of her rage.
“He’s kind of like a cockroach,” Blaine muttered to Kurt, snapping his fingers to the tap dancing march as Jenny inspected the insects on stage. “I mean, look at them - so hard to keep track of. They’re terrible at following orders and always fumble around.”
“Maybe,” Kurt replied with a smirk. His eyes softened, thinking fondly. “But he’s a good guy. See, look at them - they mean well. That has to count for something.”
Blaine grinned, nudging his shoulder as they watched in comfortable silence.
And then Rum Tum Tugger was strutting across the stage, oozing sex appeal.
“It’s like a male Santana,” Rachel muttered darkly. Kurt scoffed.
“You mean it’s Puck.” He squinted contemplatively at the blatant flirting and frottage happening before their eyes. “I think Santana would definitely make a better Bombalurina.”
Rachel spun to face him, her expression far too bright with ideas.
“How drunk would we have to make them to get them to sing this?” Kurt snorted, thinking her crazy. But Blaine eagerly caught on to the suggestion, bouncing in his seat as he turned to her.
“He would be perfect for that role. It’s filled with alpha male sex appeal - an he does brag about his sexual escapades. He could totally pull off the Mick Jagger rocker style. And those hip thrusts…”
“Excuse me?” Rachel said, shocked by such a lustful comment. The Dalton student raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, come on. Puck and Tugger have sex appeal. You can’t deny that it’s hot. Even if it is a bit disturbing, considering - well, it’s Puck, and it’s a cat.” Kurt snorted.
“I think you’d make a decent Tugger,” he started, slamming a hand over his mouth when he realized he’d said it outloud. Rachel giggled hysterically, trying to keep from laughing out loud as the poor countertenor turned a brilliant shade of pink.
“What?” Blaine teased gently, trying to suppress his own wide smile by schooling his features as best as he could.
“Well,” Kurt continued, attempting to be nonchalant and hold a straight face. “Look at his facial expressions - sticking his tongue out, completely overplaying the mood. Thinking he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. You’d pull those off perfectly. And he’s jumping around everywhere - we all know your penchant for furniture and bunny hopping.”
Blaine laughed.
“But I don’t have that much blatant sex appeal. I may be good with stage presence and suave charm, but Puck is way better at that sort of thing. Though… then Puck would have to make googly eyes at Kurt,” Blaine tacked on, frowning.
“I don’t think that would go over all that well,” the countertenor muttered loftily. “Heaven forbid I even sing a duet with a guy, much less have some insinuative repartee with them.”
“Are you saying Puck’s not - how does he say - ‘badass’ enough to string you along?”
“They can be best friends without being lovers,” Rachel interrupted, looking pointedly at Kurt and Blaine.
“They are so gay for each other,” both boys replied simultaneously, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Blaine grinned, Kurt laughing hysterically at their well-timed synchronicity. Rachel merely huffed.
“What proof do you have of that?” Blaine picked up the remote, rewinding the scene before playing it over. He crawled over to the television, using the remote as a pointer as he took apart the scene.
“Just this bit is enough, really. I mean, look at that right there. Misto’s saying Tugger is a ‘terrible bore’. But see, Misto is rolling his eyes because he’s teasing,” the Warbler pointed out, jabbing his finger at the screen. “And really, that line there being directed at him - ‘when you let me in then I want to get out’ - that can be construed as pretty sexual, you know. And he drops Bombalurina like a hot potato - definitely not into women. He’s just an attention seeker.”
“It’s called flirting, Rachel,” Kurt added dryly, glancing at his nails. She sniffed, crossing her arms. “There are a lot of other little instances if you pay attention - little glances, little looks. It’s cute.”
“Well, I for one think that it’s incredibly presumptuous to say that they’re an item just because they have a few lines of subtle flirting. I mean, look at you two. Your whole ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ duet that Finn told me you mentioned - those gazes you threw at each other when you two did ‘Hey Soul Sister’ at Sectionals. And you did mention scandalous indignities during a private ‘sexy’ performance for the girls of Crawford Academy. You two are always talking together - you’re attached at the hip! You know each others’ coffee order. And yet you guys are still just friends. So why can’t Tugger and Misto be that close and be just friendly?”
Kurt shifted uncomfortably, focusing his attention on the strange diamond patters that decorated the throw rug beneath him. Blaine stared at the remote in his hand, slowly scooting across the floor and back to Kurt’s edge of the couch as the song continued. Rachel twisted her hands in her lap, starting to feel guilty for what she had said.
On screen the mangy gray Grizabella stepped from the shadows. Immediately, the mood darkened.
They’d never really talked about the confusing chaos of her Trainwreck Party Extravaganza. They’d all known that Kurt liked Blaine, but they’d still experimented. Kurt hadn’t been the supportive friend he was technically supposed to be and lashed out at both of them. Even if it was within their rights, they’d all hurt each other. After a while, they seemed to reach some unspoken mutual apology - ignoring what had happened - and moved on.
But it was still a bit horrible to bring up.
“Sorry,” she whispered. Blaine just flashed her his performance smile; Kurt patted her hand awkwardly.
And so, the movie continued.
On the note of both Blaine and Puck being able to pull of Tugger for different reasons [sex appeal vs. egocentric cheesiness]: I would find it greatly amusing if Blaine asked Puck for relationship advice.
I don’t know, I couldn’t think of how to edit it away, so I just left it. I’ll try and fix it for other parts.
“Coach would kill Victoria if she were a Cheerio - look at her leg wobble.” Kurt shook his head in disdain. Mistoffelees flew out of the background, joining her to begin the introduction scene starting off the Jellicle Ball.
“She can’t be that bad,” Blaine started hesitantly, clearly unsure after having had his first impression of her intimidating, demanding force of sheer will - but also unable to give up his optimistic view that there was a little bit of good in everyone.
“I doubt it,” Rachel shot down, agreeing with Kurt. “Kurt was a Cheerio - he knows all about what they go through. Their regimen is more than even I put myself through for preserving of my voice.”
“Wait.” Blaine blinked, staring in shock at Kurt. “You were a cheerleader?”
Kurt flushed a particularly interesting shade of pink, ignoring the question.
“Poor Mistoffelees,” he mumbled as he filed his nails, hoping to change the topic of conversation quickly. Rachel nodded sympathetically as the young tuxedo kitten was turned down.
“You know it kind of reminds me of how you came in with a Broadway Classic to audition for a Top 40’s group,” Blaine remarked offhandedly, shrugging casually.
“I blame that on you,” Kurt shot icily at Rachel. “Why I went to you for advice, I have no idea. I must’ve been on more over-the-counter vitamins.”
“So anyway!” Blaine interrupted casually, changing the subject to something less explosive and nodding back towards the screen. He was good at distraction, drawing their attention to something else before an argument could break out. “I can see The Council singing background to Jenny. I mean, there are three of them after all: Wes, David, Thad - Demeter, Jellylorum, Bombalurina.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow, grinning.
“Oh really now? And how does that work out?” he teased, nudging Blaine’s shoulder gently. “Thad couldn’t pass Bomba’s sensuality, nor would David pull off Jellylorum’s notes with proper flair. As for Wes being Demeter… well, at least he’s got her stilted aloofness down.”
“Nonsense,” the shorter teen insisted, mirroring Kurt’s grin. “You saw how Thad was dancing when we performed for the girls of Crawford Academy - he and Logan were practically stripping on set.”
“Not their fault that Nick decided everyone should take their blazers off,” Kurt countered, his tone aloof as he sat straighter. Rachel frowned, not following the conversation - and quite annoyed that they were ignoring her like that.
“Kurt, you’re not being pressured into scandalous indignities, are you?” she demanded, glaring at Blaine. The countertenor turned a brilliant shade of pink, groaning as he covered his face in embarrassment.
“No Rachel. I assure you, I’m still as virtuous and frigid as you are.” She gasped, offended.
“I am not frigid!”
Finn, who had been passing the living room archway as he wandered down the hallway, ducked out from behind the wall.
“Hey dude, she’s not a refrigerator. She’s a vegan.” Blaine cracked up, trying to stifle his laughter as he slapped a hand over his mouth. Kurt merely rolled his eyes, flinging a throw pillow behind him.
“Frigid, Finn - not ‘fridge’. It means she doesn’t put out!”
“Oh. Well, she totally let me touch her boob once!” the older brother tried. Rachel shrieked, mortified.
“Finn Hudson -!” He was quick to disappear, leaving Kurt and Blaine to wrestle the girl back onto the couch before she let out her diva fury and broke something in a flurry of her rage.
“He’s kind of like a cockroach,” Blaine muttered to Kurt, snapping his fingers to the tap dancing march as Jenny inspected the insects on stage. “I mean, look at them - so hard to keep track of. They’re terrible at following orders and always fumble around.”
“Maybe,” Kurt replied with a smirk. His eyes softened, thinking fondly. “But he’s a good guy. See, look at them - they mean well. That has to count for something.”
Blaine grinned, nudging his shoulder as they watched in comfortable silence.
And then Rum Tum Tugger was strutting across the stage, oozing sex appeal.
“It’s like a male Santana,” Rachel muttered darkly. Kurt scoffed.
“You mean it’s Puck.” He squinted contemplatively at the blatant flirting and frottage happening before their eyes. “I think Santana would definitely make a better Bombalurina.”
Rachel spun to face him, her expression far too bright with ideas.
“How drunk would we have to make them to get them to sing this?” Kurt snorted, thinking her crazy. But Blaine eagerly caught on to the suggestion, bouncing in his seat as he turned to her.
“He would be perfect for that role. It’s filled with alpha male sex appeal - an he does brag about his sexual escapades. He could totally pull off the Mick Jagger rocker style. And those hip thrusts…”
“Excuse me?” Rachel said, shocked by such a lustful comment. The Dalton student raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, come on. Puck and Tugger have sex appeal. You can’t deny that it’s hot. Even if it is a bit disturbing, considering - well, it’s Puck, and it’s a cat.” Kurt snorted.
“I think you’d make a decent Tugger,” he started, slamming a hand over his mouth when he realized he’d said it outloud. Rachel giggled hysterically, trying to keep from laughing out loud as the poor countertenor turned a brilliant shade of pink.
“What?” Blaine teased gently, trying to suppress his own wide smile by schooling his features as best as he could.
“Well,” Kurt continued, attempting to be nonchalant and hold a straight face. “Look at his facial expressions - sticking his tongue out, completely overplaying the mood. Thinking he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. You’d pull those off perfectly. And he’s jumping around everywhere - we all know your penchant for furniture and bunny hopping.”
Blaine laughed.
“But I don’t have that much blatant sex appeal. I may be good with stage presence and suave charm, but Puck is way better at that sort of thing. Though… then Puck would have to make googly eyes at Kurt,” Blaine tacked on, frowning.
“I don’t think that would go over all that well,” the countertenor muttered loftily. “Heaven forbid I even sing a duet with a guy, much less have some insinuative repartee with them.”
“Are you saying Puck’s not - how does he say - ‘badass’ enough to string you along?”
“They can be best friends without being lovers,” Rachel interrupted, looking pointedly at Kurt and Blaine.
“They are so gay for each other,” both boys replied simultaneously, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Blaine grinned, Kurt laughing hysterically at their well-timed synchronicity. Rachel merely huffed.
“What proof do you have of that?” Blaine picked up the remote, rewinding the scene before playing it over. He crawled over to the television, using the remote as a pointer as he took apart the scene.
“Just this bit is enough, really. I mean, look at that right there. Misto’s saying Tugger is a ‘terrible bore’. But see, Misto is rolling his eyes because he’s teasing,” the Warbler pointed out, jabbing his finger at the screen. “And really, that line there being directed at him - ‘when you let me in then I want to get out’ - that can be construed as pretty sexual, you know. And he drops Bombalurina like a hot potato - definitely not into women. He’s just an attention seeker.”
“It’s called flirting, Rachel,” Kurt added dryly, glancing at his nails. She sniffed, crossing her arms. “There are a lot of other little instances if you pay attention - little glances, little looks. It’s cute.”
“Well, I for one think that it’s incredibly presumptuous to say that they’re an item just because they have a few lines of subtle flirting. I mean, look at you two. Your whole ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ duet that Finn told me you mentioned - those gazes you threw at each other when you two did ‘Hey Soul Sister’ at Sectionals. And you did mention scandalous indignities during a private ‘sexy’ performance for the girls of Crawford Academy. You two are always talking together - you’re attached at the hip! You know each others’ coffee order. And yet you guys are still just friends. So why can’t Tugger and Misto be that close and be just friendly?”
Kurt shifted uncomfortably, focusing his attention on the strange diamond patters that decorated the throw rug beneath him. Blaine stared at the remote in his hand, slowly scooting across the floor and back to Kurt’s edge of the couch as the song continued. Rachel twisted her hands in her lap, starting to feel guilty for what she had said.
On screen the mangy gray Grizabella stepped from the shadows. Immediately, the mood darkened.
They’d never really talked about the confusing chaos of her Trainwreck Party Extravaganza. They’d all known that Kurt liked Blaine, but they’d still experimented. Kurt hadn’t been the supportive friend he was technically supposed to be and lashed out at both of them. Even if it was within their rights, they’d all hurt each other. After a while, they seemed to reach some unspoken mutual apology - ignoring what had happened - and moved on.
But it was still a bit horrible to bring up.
“Sorry,” she whispered. Blaine just flashed her his performance smile; Kurt patted her hand awkwardly.
And so, the movie continued.
On the note of both Blaine and Puck being able to pull of Tugger for different reasons [sex appeal vs. egocentric cheesiness]: I would find it greatly amusing if Blaine asked Puck for relationship advice.