Pre-con rambling.
I am starting to feel that nothing I can do will make me feel prepared for A-kon. Like, even if I got my new prints done and all my other stuff in order, even if I could bring a printer to the hotel in case I run out of something, I don't think I'd feel prepared. I'm not sure what it is. Is it just my usual paranoia? I basically never feel prepared for anything ever, so maybe.
I wonder if I'm starting to get burnt out on the whole con thing. The more I think about all the shit I've had to deal with with this one that I'm not even AT yet, the more I don't want to even deal with it at all. I don't know, I don't think I really want to stop doing it, but when it doesn't yield much I kind of wonder why I bother. It's basically the only thing I do at cons, so if I'm not making money, I don't really have any reason to be there, do I? Urgh. Maybe I just need a change of pace. Or something.
I might just be sick of always being in charge of everything, from the hotel room (which I STILL have no idea how many people are in, as mom is the one asking her friends, thus I don't know how much I need to make to break even) to the table, and apparently badges too, since my tablemate apparently didn't preorder one and is lucky I randomly ordered an extra so she doesn't have to wait in line. Maybe the fact that I'm apparently going to be sharing a table with a third person that she's bringing in, whose identity is a mystery to me is making me nervous. (Really kind of hoping it's not who I kind of suspect it is, because, um, that sounds potentially awkward.) I feel guilty, but I've started to kind of want to break away from her and find somebody else to share the table with at future cons. I don't know if I can actually say why. Our stuff is kind of in different categories, maybe? I'm frustrated that she seems to drop everything she does that's actually successful in favor of things that probably won't sell as well? I hope it's not because of the drama that happened, because I think that might make me a shallow bitch. Which I am, but yeah. Not about that, I think. Unfortunately, I have no idea who else I could ask to share with, as all my other friends have their own friends that they seem pretty solid with, so there's no room for me anywhere else. I need to somehow figure out how to make friends and not be such an antisocial loser. My current tablemate was my mom's friend from Rocky first too.
Apparently a friend talked to another guy in the AA that would be willing to switch with me so I could get a downstairs spot, but somehow I don't really want to take it, and I don't know why. There is the fact that probably the only reason he's willing is that he's afraid it's a bad spot, but maybe I'm also kind of wondering if what I heard about the traffic being better upstairs is true, since that is where the dealer's room is, and apparently there are people who never visit the downstairs section. But seriously, those people probably aren't very interested in the AA themselves and only really want the boring official crap the dealers have. I don't know. Of course, since I don't have a sense of how well it goes downstairs because I don't retain information very well and it's different every year, I won't really be able to tell if it's an improvement anyway, so. I guess at least I won't have to pack much shit up. I still don't know what I'm going to do with myself after hours, and it does bother me that practically everyone I know is going to be downstairs and I can't go around visiting them easily, so I'll probably hardly see them at the con. I thought about scooting in with someone at night with my print book and commission sign, but I was reminded that there is no way anyone will have any room for anyone else at their table and even if there was, people might expect me to help pay for it even if I'm only there a little. So that was basically a "haha what are you even thinking dumbass, gtfo." I think. Or at least that's what it felt like.
Later today a friend of mine should be dropping by to let me borrow a tablet, so I'm going to try really hard to finish my last two or three prints. One of them is really close, so I don't think it should be too much trouble. There's another one that involves bookcases though, which I am kind of intimidated by. Haha, why do I do this to myself? Of course, I could have easily finished all three and probably a couple more if I could ever get myself to work on them prior to two weeks before the con, but bleh. I'm not confident anybody will buy them anyway. I feel kind of incompetent where my prints are concerned...like they're all just really boring. After sending the ones I'm working on to ruviela she like, magically gave them interesting compositions, which is apparently something I fail miserably at, despite having been a design major. But then, I was never good at that either, was I? Haha. I don't know why I even call myself an illustrator, I've been going this long and I still have no idea how to properly shade.
I'm pretty sure there are one or two other things I could also ramble about, but this is already seriously tl;dr so I should probably stop there and go try to clean up a little more or something. Or sit here playing Bejeweled on Facebook like a loser. I'm seriously intimidated by the state of the sink and having a hard time working myself up to cleaning it. Urrrgh.
I wonder if I'm starting to get burnt out on the whole con thing. The more I think about all the shit I've had to deal with with this one that I'm not even AT yet, the more I don't want to even deal with it at all. I don't know, I don't think I really want to stop doing it, but when it doesn't yield much I kind of wonder why I bother. It's basically the only thing I do at cons, so if I'm not making money, I don't really have any reason to be there, do I? Urgh. Maybe I just need a change of pace. Or something.
I might just be sick of always being in charge of everything, from the hotel room (which I STILL have no idea how many people are in, as mom is the one asking her friends, thus I don't know how much I need to make to break even) to the table, and apparently badges too, since my tablemate apparently didn't preorder one and is lucky I randomly ordered an extra so she doesn't have to wait in line. Maybe the fact that I'm apparently going to be sharing a table with a third person that she's bringing in, whose identity is a mystery to me is making me nervous. (Really kind of hoping it's not who I kind of suspect it is, because, um, that sounds potentially awkward.) I feel guilty, but I've started to kind of want to break away from her and find somebody else to share the table with at future cons. I don't know if I can actually say why. Our stuff is kind of in different categories, maybe? I'm frustrated that she seems to drop everything she does that's actually successful in favor of things that probably won't sell as well? I hope it's not because of the drama that happened, because I think that might make me a shallow bitch. Which I am, but yeah. Not about that, I think. Unfortunately, I have no idea who else I could ask to share with, as all my other friends have their own friends that they seem pretty solid with, so there's no room for me anywhere else. I need to somehow figure out how to make friends and not be such an antisocial loser. My current tablemate was my mom's friend from Rocky first too.
Apparently a friend talked to another guy in the AA that would be willing to switch with me so I could get a downstairs spot, but somehow I don't really want to take it, and I don't know why. There is the fact that probably the only reason he's willing is that he's afraid it's a bad spot, but maybe I'm also kind of wondering if what I heard about the traffic being better upstairs is true, since that is where the dealer's room is, and apparently there are people who never visit the downstairs section. But seriously, those people probably aren't very interested in the AA themselves and only really want the boring official crap the dealers have. I don't know. Of course, since I don't have a sense of how well it goes downstairs because I don't retain information very well and it's different every year, I won't really be able to tell if it's an improvement anyway, so. I guess at least I won't have to pack much shit up. I still don't know what I'm going to do with myself after hours, and it does bother me that practically everyone I know is going to be downstairs and I can't go around visiting them easily, so I'll probably hardly see them at the con. I thought about scooting in with someone at night with my print book and commission sign, but I was reminded that there is no way anyone will have any room for anyone else at their table and even if there was, people might expect me to help pay for it even if I'm only there a little. So that was basically a "haha what are you even thinking dumbass, gtfo." I think. Or at least that's what it felt like.
Later today a friend of mine should be dropping by to let me borrow a tablet, so I'm going to try really hard to finish my last two or three prints. One of them is really close, so I don't think it should be too much trouble. There's another one that involves bookcases though, which I am kind of intimidated by. Haha, why do I do this to myself? Of course, I could have easily finished all three and probably a couple more if I could ever get myself to work on them prior to two weeks before the con, but bleh. I'm not confident anybody will buy them anyway. I feel kind of incompetent where my prints are concerned...like they're all just really boring. After sending the ones I'm working on to ruviela she like, magically gave them interesting compositions, which is apparently something I fail miserably at, despite having been a design major. But then, I was never good at that either, was I? Haha. I don't know why I even call myself an illustrator, I've been going this long and I still have no idea how to properly shade.
I'm pretty sure there are one or two other things I could also ramble about, but this is already seriously tl;dr so I should probably stop there and go try to clean up a little more or something. Or sit here playing Bejeweled on Facebook like a loser. I'm seriously intimidated by the state of the sink and having a hard time working myself up to cleaning it. Urrrgh.