meh
so . . . its now a nightly ritual to cry . . .
I would feel bad calling people this late and cry on the phone . . . so here I sit on Livejoural . . always here . .
I've seriously looked at the Universitys counciling page . . I really dont find it helpful . . except for one line
"Grieving may progress over a period of two years or even longer, depending on many individual factors, such as depth and length of relationship with the loved one or friend."
http://www.uta.edu/universitycollege/current/academic-support/counseling/self-help-grief.php
Two . . . years . . . I dont want to be crying every day for two years . . !!! I really dont . .
I loved my dad deeply but TWO YEARS . . .
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Life is indeed going to change . .
my mom has already said the credit cards need to be paid off, my car needs to be sold, my dad's phone turned off, insurance changes, titles,
the house fixed and sold
my mother has said she will move back to oklahoma . . .
I really dont want to go there . . I like it here in texas with a lot of my friends
but the entire family has told me "take care of mom" "look after your mother"
I cant leave her by herself . .
I want to get out . . to not be here but . . I just cant leave her, I try to spend more time in the living room and off my computer . .
mom is taking sleeping pils to get to sleep . .
I should be too but Im trying to get by with out it . .
I know I have to go on . . because the world keeps turning the the sun will keep rising and falling.
but god . . its so hard right now . . .