Drama and why we hate it
A long, long time ago (last week on Wednesday), in a land far, far away (Virginia) there was trouble brewing.
Perhaps we should start the story a bit earlier. Same location though.
Prior to moving to California, I had to find a home for my kitty. She is adorable and loving and covered in fur of many colors.
The call was put out and answers came back. I had three possible homes, two were 'if you can't find anywhere else' and one was a yes. Respecting the nature of the responses I began making arrangements with the Yes group.
The Yes group had a bit of complications though, their house was under construction. So while they did have a place, it just wasn't ready yet. Understandings were had, agreements were made and the only thing I asked was to be told when or if they had to withdraw the offer.
Time passed as time is wont to do. Dates were given and changed and finally deadlines started looming. I was told by the Yes group that they did not know when and maybe I needed to look at other locations. The first of the 'If you can't' responses had taken in a baby and no longer could be considered a viable option. I did go so far as to ask again to be sure, but the answer was an understandable no. The other back up option was still operating under the condition that, due to the amount of cats already in their home and the disagreement of resident two kitties, they could only take in my cat if there was absolutely no other option. Also, if the cat goes there, it would be on a forever basis as the people become very attached to cats. While that was not the ideal, it was agreeable because it was in the kitty's best interest and I would be able to visit.
I am, by nature, not a dishonest person. So when I am given clear conditions, I respect them. I told the Yes group that my main back up was not available and that if the issue was only a matter of waiting on house work to be done, I could try to work with them on that but that if they could not do it to let me know. A clear no would mean a 'no other option' situation. Eventually the Yes group said they would be available in a week or two.
As my plane was leaving and there was no way for me to post pone without losing my job, I made arrangements for my cat to be boarded at the Vet's place. The same Vet that had been attending to my cat since she was weaned. Of all the different boarding locations, that seemed the best for many reasons. I even inspected the boarding space before checking my cat in. To be assured of her happiness there, I made sure she had some of her favorite toys and even bought her favorite canned cat food. I cried when I took her to be checked in and I cried the whole way home.
Information was passed on, planes were boarded and faith was placed in plans that were made. When the house was done, the Yes group was to pick up the kitty. If two weeks had passed and the house was still not ready, a local friend would pick up the cat and would go to the only remaining back up location.
The Yes group opted to pick up the cat a bit early. I was assured she was a happy kitty and she began her new life with small dogs.
Fast forward a brief month and a half later, specifically to Wednesday of last week.
I received and unexpected text message advising me that one half of the Yes group was, it turns out, allergic. Between the allergies and the asthma, it was becoming a life threatening situation. Public posts were made and contacts were put out to find a new alternative. A response was sent asking if they had any leads and the answer was only that they had just found out about the issue.
Forty-eight hours go by, I receive no positive responses to my inquiries and in some cases, no responses at all. Being now my weekend, I am in San Diego with my friends. Another text message arrives (though when my phone finally coughed up the message, it was very delayed) saying that the medical concerns have gotten worse and is now interfering with the ability to be a productive member of society with (potentially) gainful employment.
I know this is not an acceptable situation. Obviously something needs to be arranged faster.
My response (belated) is an attempt to assure them that I am working on the issue. I try to put in caution about the difficulties of trying to make these arrangements from the other side of the continent and limited options, but that I was working on the issue.
What followed after that was a very unfortunate turn of events.
It seems the other half of the Yes group had gotten the phone. That person apparently does not like me. In fact, in the ensuing attack that was blatantly personal in nature, they went so far as to drag in unrelated topics from Facebook.
The biggest problem with putting someone, or a group, into a position of trust is that you make yourself vulnerable to one degree or another. Giving someone guardianship of your baby is such a position. Being told by that party that you obviously do not care enough, that you are preventing a happy life from being an option, or even that you are a selfish dumb bitch will cut regardless. Even when you know it is a person lashing out because their spouse is in bad shape. Even when you know the accusations are false and unjustified. Even when you know you should not listen to someone who does not know your life and has not walked in your shoes. Especially when you have tried to be friends with this person because of their role in your social group and especially when you have given them hand knit items as a birthday present years ago when it was not expected but simply because you thought they might like it. Especially when the vicious nature of their attacks takes away any sense of trust and you can only think how they still have your baby in their possession. The conversation was pretty much ended with a blank ultimatum that I had to contact them back by the next day. No clear statement was made for the implied 'or else'. I doubt a terminal threat was being made, but that is the rational side. My emotions were involved now. I can say that I comported myself well. I never once attacked back and tried to keep the focus on providing reassurance that I was trying and open to ideas. Unfortunately, the other party was not interested in actually listening.
Due to the discrepancy in times zones and the very stressed emotional state I found myself in, I had to wait until morning before contacting anyone else.
As soon as I could, I started making calls. I started calling in favors as much as possible. I went so far as to expand my search to friends of friends in other states. Even flimsy chances that would only be buying me more time until I could make a better arrangement were chased down. An old friend took extra initiative and arranged an immediate pick up. It was a surprising and welcome turn of events. I still am not clear what prompted the high level of assistance, but I do not begrudge it one bit.
The cat was picked up that day (Saturday) and a five day window was acquired. On Monday, word came back that family in Texas would take her in, though there was the concern about ferrets that were long established residents would, understandably, have precedence in the event of a dispute. Further contacts were made and arrangements for transportation (at my expense) to Texas starting that very day. Then, like a ray of light, family in Pennsylvania got back with me. Turns out there was phone issues, so the text messages were not read until then. The prior emergency location was still available. Unfortunately, age and cancer had claimed a resident cat in that home. This did mean though, that the option had moved up from emergency only to an open invite and request for the kitty.
Messages flew fast and hard, plans were changed at the last moment and confusion was fought as I tried to keep the transport from heading south and redirect to a ferret-free and very loving home north. The transporter had already picked up the cat, but the new mission was accepted and new temp digs were setup. Sunday morning will see the kitty placed in a new home where she will be able to stay forever.
The original the goal, was to come out here, work hard, save up, buy a house and provide a better future for us both. I have moved around a lot in my life and while I do still love to travel, I want to have a home base of my own. We do what we must and we adjust to the turns and twists of life. Maybe I will still be able to move her out here when I have a house, but probably not. As long as I know she is safe, I can be philosophical about it and just let life flow forward.
Perhaps we should start the story a bit earlier. Same location though.
Prior to moving to California, I had to find a home for my kitty. She is adorable and loving and covered in fur of many colors.
The call was put out and answers came back. I had three possible homes, two were 'if you can't find anywhere else' and one was a yes. Respecting the nature of the responses I began making arrangements with the Yes group.
The Yes group had a bit of complications though, their house was under construction. So while they did have a place, it just wasn't ready yet. Understandings were had, agreements were made and the only thing I asked was to be told when or if they had to withdraw the offer.
Time passed as time is wont to do. Dates were given and changed and finally deadlines started looming. I was told by the Yes group that they did not know when and maybe I needed to look at other locations. The first of the 'If you can't' responses had taken in a baby and no longer could be considered a viable option. I did go so far as to ask again to be sure, but the answer was an understandable no. The other back up option was still operating under the condition that, due to the amount of cats already in their home and the disagreement of resident two kitties, they could only take in my cat if there was absolutely no other option. Also, if the cat goes there, it would be on a forever basis as the people become very attached to cats. While that was not the ideal, it was agreeable because it was in the kitty's best interest and I would be able to visit.
I am, by nature, not a dishonest person. So when I am given clear conditions, I respect them. I told the Yes group that my main back up was not available and that if the issue was only a matter of waiting on house work to be done, I could try to work with them on that but that if they could not do it to let me know. A clear no would mean a 'no other option' situation. Eventually the Yes group said they would be available in a week or two.
As my plane was leaving and there was no way for me to post pone without losing my job, I made arrangements for my cat to be boarded at the Vet's place. The same Vet that had been attending to my cat since she was weaned. Of all the different boarding locations, that seemed the best for many reasons. I even inspected the boarding space before checking my cat in. To be assured of her happiness there, I made sure she had some of her favorite toys and even bought her favorite canned cat food. I cried when I took her to be checked in and I cried the whole way home.
Information was passed on, planes were boarded and faith was placed in plans that were made. When the house was done, the Yes group was to pick up the kitty. If two weeks had passed and the house was still not ready, a local friend would pick up the cat and would go to the only remaining back up location.
The Yes group opted to pick up the cat a bit early. I was assured she was a happy kitty and she began her new life with small dogs.
Fast forward a brief month and a half later, specifically to Wednesday of last week.
I received and unexpected text message advising me that one half of the Yes group was, it turns out, allergic. Between the allergies and the asthma, it was becoming a life threatening situation. Public posts were made and contacts were put out to find a new alternative. A response was sent asking if they had any leads and the answer was only that they had just found out about the issue.
Forty-eight hours go by, I receive no positive responses to my inquiries and in some cases, no responses at all. Being now my weekend, I am in San Diego with my friends. Another text message arrives (though when my phone finally coughed up the message, it was very delayed) saying that the medical concerns have gotten worse and is now interfering with the ability to be a productive member of society with (potentially) gainful employment.
I know this is not an acceptable situation. Obviously something needs to be arranged faster.
My response (belated) is an attempt to assure them that I am working on the issue. I try to put in caution about the difficulties of trying to make these arrangements from the other side of the continent and limited options, but that I was working on the issue.
What followed after that was a very unfortunate turn of events.
It seems the other half of the Yes group had gotten the phone. That person apparently does not like me. In fact, in the ensuing attack that was blatantly personal in nature, they went so far as to drag in unrelated topics from Facebook.
The biggest problem with putting someone, or a group, into a position of trust is that you make yourself vulnerable to one degree or another. Giving someone guardianship of your baby is such a position. Being told by that party that you obviously do not care enough, that you are preventing a happy life from being an option, or even that you are a selfish dumb bitch will cut regardless. Even when you know it is a person lashing out because their spouse is in bad shape. Even when you know the accusations are false and unjustified. Even when you know you should not listen to someone who does not know your life and has not walked in your shoes. Especially when you have tried to be friends with this person because of their role in your social group and especially when you have given them hand knit items as a birthday present years ago when it was not expected but simply because you thought they might like it. Especially when the vicious nature of their attacks takes away any sense of trust and you can only think how they still have your baby in their possession. The conversation was pretty much ended with a blank ultimatum that I had to contact them back by the next day. No clear statement was made for the implied 'or else'. I doubt a terminal threat was being made, but that is the rational side. My emotions were involved now. I can say that I comported myself well. I never once attacked back and tried to keep the focus on providing reassurance that I was trying and open to ideas. Unfortunately, the other party was not interested in actually listening.
Due to the discrepancy in times zones and the very stressed emotional state I found myself in, I had to wait until morning before contacting anyone else.
As soon as I could, I started making calls. I started calling in favors as much as possible. I went so far as to expand my search to friends of friends in other states. Even flimsy chances that would only be buying me more time until I could make a better arrangement were chased down. An old friend took extra initiative and arranged an immediate pick up. It was a surprising and welcome turn of events. I still am not clear what prompted the high level of assistance, but I do not begrudge it one bit.
The cat was picked up that day (Saturday) and a five day window was acquired. On Monday, word came back that family in Texas would take her in, though there was the concern about ferrets that were long established residents would, understandably, have precedence in the event of a dispute. Further contacts were made and arrangements for transportation (at my expense) to Texas starting that very day. Then, like a ray of light, family in Pennsylvania got back with me. Turns out there was phone issues, so the text messages were not read until then. The prior emergency location was still available. Unfortunately, age and cancer had claimed a resident cat in that home. This did mean though, that the option had moved up from emergency only to an open invite and request for the kitty.
Messages flew fast and hard, plans were changed at the last moment and confusion was fought as I tried to keep the transport from heading south and redirect to a ferret-free and very loving home north. The transporter had already picked up the cat, but the new mission was accepted and new temp digs were setup. Sunday morning will see the kitty placed in a new home where she will be able to stay forever.
The original the goal, was to come out here, work hard, save up, buy a house and provide a better future for us both. I have moved around a lot in my life and while I do still love to travel, I want to have a home base of my own. We do what we must and we adjust to the turns and twists of life. Maybe I will still be able to move her out here when I have a house, but probably not. As long as I know she is safe, I can be philosophical about it and just let life flow forward.