I've realized something...
I'm lonely.
I'm not writing this as a plea for help. Just so I know myself.
How do I know?
-Whenever I'm online I constantly look for someone to talk to. If everyone is away and/or can't think of anything to talk about, I get depressed.
-What do I do when I'm home, as in not at college? I stay there. I don't really do anything. I don't venture out of the house much, and if I do, it's a real surprise and probably took a lot of preparation or work to get that.
-I've got like 4 friends here at college. I've got some that I'm friendly with, but I only really hang out with 4 of them. And even then they tend to either ignore me or make fun of me. Which kind of worked back in high school, but at the same time it never works.
-I want to go back to high school to be with the people I used to be friends with. Not that I'm not anymore, but I seem to prefer the chaos of Ewing over the half-order here at college. I guess that entropy goes with my enjoyment of the sciences.
- I make comments like that last one.
- I write in a journal, talking mainly to myself since no one seems to comment, (not really an urge for you guys to comment, but more that half of my friends aren't active/don't comment ever, even if I do) and this never really accomplishes anything. Instead I feel more bottled up and I also procrastinate from my work while doing so.
-I really want to hang out with Mel. But hang out comfortably, in a relationship type setting that's not friendship. Why? Because earlier on i wanted that and now I'm taking that feeling and making it current.
Wait, no, that last one's all wrong. I'm just becoming delusional because now I've had an awkward, yet good time this past friday. compounded with the fact that the two times i've recently talked to her were really short. as in she had to cut me off. Is it too much work, just bad timing, or something else? Let's hope it's not something else. Not from friday at least. She seemed way to distracted at the dance for me not to worry.
Never mind. I'm just screwing with my mind again. Ignore these last three paragraphs. Just rambling anyway.
I'm not writing this as a plea for help. Just so I know myself.
How do I know?
-Whenever I'm online I constantly look for someone to talk to. If everyone is away and/or can't think of anything to talk about, I get depressed.
-What do I do when I'm home, as in not at college? I stay there. I don't really do anything. I don't venture out of the house much, and if I do, it's a real surprise and probably took a lot of preparation or work to get that.
-I've got like 4 friends here at college. I've got some that I'm friendly with, but I only really hang out with 4 of them. And even then they tend to either ignore me or make fun of me. Which kind of worked back in high school, but at the same time it never works.
-I want to go back to high school to be with the people I used to be friends with. Not that I'm not anymore, but I seem to prefer the chaos of Ewing over the half-order here at college. I guess that entropy goes with my enjoyment of the sciences.
- I make comments like that last one.
- I write in a journal, talking mainly to myself since no one seems to comment, (not really an urge for you guys to comment, but more that half of my friends aren't active/don't comment ever, even if I do) and this never really accomplishes anything. Instead I feel more bottled up and I also procrastinate from my work while doing so.
-I really want to hang out with Mel. But hang out comfortably, in a relationship type setting that's not friendship. Why? Because earlier on i wanted that and now I'm taking that feeling and making it current.
Wait, no, that last one's all wrong. I'm just becoming delusional because now I've had an awkward, yet good time this past friday. compounded with the fact that the two times i've recently talked to her were really short. as in she had to cut me off. Is it too much work, just bad timing, or something else? Let's hope it's not something else. Not from friday at least. She seemed way to distracted at the dance for me not to worry.
Never mind. I'm just screwing with my mind again. Ignore these last three paragraphs. Just rambling anyway.