(no subject)

[quarterturns]

soemtimes i get madd jealous of people who easily let themselves be emotional, or act out when theyre angry or depressed. i feel like im physically incapable of asking for help or telling someone my feelings.. i feel liek just wake up and do the same things every day.. i dont talk to anyone about anything personal so i just replay everything in my head and think it over a million times.. especially when i feel shitty about myself in general like i do now. then everything in my head gets mixed up and i go crazy about it but only to myself. i feel like its just me inside my own head and im so sick of myself and my thoughts. i hate everything i do and say.. i always act concieted meanwhile i hate everything about myself. i know what i want but i know im never going to have it so when i think realistically i dont know what i want or need. im just so confused and i hate when i get in a mood of beating myself up like this. lately every single day starting from when i get up i tell myself all the things that disgust me about myself and all the things i hate then before i go to sleep i just cant take it anymore and take it out on myself.

i hate being homee and i hate being outt... i alwyays compare myself to others and feel inadequate. i just wake up every day asking why am i the way i am which turns me into acting like a bitch which disgusts me even more. i just wan something safe & pure to make me happy. i want to change everything i hate abuot myself but its so hard.
idkk wat to do idk why im so crazy and i cant just be normal. i know normal people get upset but why do i have to do this to myself ?

o0ok im done bitching haha.