The shine in these eyes has finally dimmed.
I haven't updated in a while, atleast about anything relevant, just threw things in to show that im still alive. It's four in the morning and im restless as hell. I've laid in bed for about an hour or so, but my mind is racing. I've gone a while care free, somewhat, and its was a good break. But still things seem to find there way from the back of my mind. High School is over, i never thought id make it this far... literally. Now it's time to begin life, and im delaying as much as possible. Theres things i still dont understand and i don't want to move on yet. But maybe its not as important as i think, or maybe more than i feel it to be. Regardless of all that, its been awhile since i thought of anyone in particular, atleast for more than a few weeks. Thats one thing that will keep you up at night. I've missed the feeling of choking on my own words. Atleast it reminds me that i still have emotions. Hopefully i haven't scared her away already, im usually one step behind. I discovered that when im nervous i begin to chain smoke, more than i already do. One thing that i wish i never started, smoking. I know when i think to much on what to say, i come out with nothing. I've known that for awhile, but i cant prevent it. I get to uptight, i guess thats the right word, sometimes. I hate thinking of what kind of person i want to be, when im the complete opposite. Things like this keep me up at night, these dreams and thoughts, i feel they just make me weak. Because when i wake up in the morning i feel completed different than i wanted to feel hours before. Im going to cut this short though, i need to sleep. I know this though, from now on im going to stop thinking on everything as much, stop being so tense... because all i need to do is let the words come out and im home free. Im going to sweep her off her feet. I swear.