We are nowhere, and its now.
I've realized what im going to do with my life, and I think it will be for the best. I'm not going to tell anyone though, because I don't have the words for it quite yet. I play it out in my mind though, and i love every moment of it.
Im kind of scared from the past couple of nights, ive been having these pretty terrifying dreams. I wake up in the early morning, seriously drenched in sweat. I only have a single blanket on and a pair of shorts... and my room is probably the coldest place on this damn planet. So it scares me to sleep, because i can usually predict how the rest of the night shall unfold.
But the past five days have just been a blur, everything goes by in this steady motion. I cant really describe it, just picture the ripples from a stone hitting water... but slow it down a couple speeds. Thats how everything has felt to me. I dont enjoy it as much, because it comes with pretty consistent headaches, and my thoughts never seem to meet ends, they just flow... constantly flowing.
But what can I say its probably my fault from not taking the medication responsibly. I just quit taking them, i dont like the way they make me feel. I dont know if the antibiodics really matter, im sure they do, i thought they just were there to make sure i didnt get any infections, but i guess your not supposed to quit in the middle of them. I dont even think its any of that, for the way ive been feeling... but i really have no say in it anymore, because i think im going to get what i want eventually. I just have to put forth enough effort... which im sure i can do, say ive done it before.
I've had lack of self-esteem from my swollen cheeks, but thinking about it i dont even know if they were that swollen today... i've grown to accept that my mind seriously plays some sick fucked up jokes with me. Because I can get some totally distorted views of myself, and its hard to figure out whats real or not. Ill pray ill grow out of this soon, but now that i say it... when was the last time i prayed. I like the idea, but im not to good at following through with it.
I got a card from my mother today, beautifully written, short an sweet, and i liked the picture. Its always nice to get letters in the mail, i feel like an ass because i never write... maybe i will tonite. Im sure it would make her happy to get a card. I dont mean to come off as a heartless, careless, emotionless bastard at times... but i honestly think about writing, i write the letter in my damn head... but putting on paper for me is the hardest part, im to unorganized so i lack that step.
I've fallen for someone and i hit pretty hard. Thats right Bob Dylan, its you. His music is like a chorus of angels, singing privately for me as i sit here and write this. I never really took much of a personal interest in his music before. I mean ive heard of him, but i didnt think it was this damn good. You may disagree, but oh i love it.
I need a date for this weekend, going to dinner and some sort of entertainment... ill entertain you. But dates work better when you have someone to go with so im going to have to work on it for the next couple of days. If you are that lucky person, it will be a night to remember... maybe not, but it might get dirty.
Im in a good mood now. awesome.
Love
Quarterman
P.S. I have a totally new badass Adam Green layout, background, whatever the hell it is called. Actually just a picture but hell... badass.
Im kind of scared from the past couple of nights, ive been having these pretty terrifying dreams. I wake up in the early morning, seriously drenched in sweat. I only have a single blanket on and a pair of shorts... and my room is probably the coldest place on this damn planet. So it scares me to sleep, because i can usually predict how the rest of the night shall unfold.
But the past five days have just been a blur, everything goes by in this steady motion. I cant really describe it, just picture the ripples from a stone hitting water... but slow it down a couple speeds. Thats how everything has felt to me. I dont enjoy it as much, because it comes with pretty consistent headaches, and my thoughts never seem to meet ends, they just flow... constantly flowing.
But what can I say its probably my fault from not taking the medication responsibly. I just quit taking them, i dont like the way they make me feel. I dont know if the antibiodics really matter, im sure they do, i thought they just were there to make sure i didnt get any infections, but i guess your not supposed to quit in the middle of them. I dont even think its any of that, for the way ive been feeling... but i really have no say in it anymore, because i think im going to get what i want eventually. I just have to put forth enough effort... which im sure i can do, say ive done it before.
I've had lack of self-esteem from my swollen cheeks, but thinking about it i dont even know if they were that swollen today... i've grown to accept that my mind seriously plays some sick fucked up jokes with me. Because I can get some totally distorted views of myself, and its hard to figure out whats real or not. Ill pray ill grow out of this soon, but now that i say it... when was the last time i prayed. I like the idea, but im not to good at following through with it.
I got a card from my mother today, beautifully written, short an sweet, and i liked the picture. Its always nice to get letters in the mail, i feel like an ass because i never write... maybe i will tonite. Im sure it would make her happy to get a card. I dont mean to come off as a heartless, careless, emotionless bastard at times... but i honestly think about writing, i write the letter in my damn head... but putting on paper for me is the hardest part, im to unorganized so i lack that step.
I've fallen for someone and i hit pretty hard. Thats right Bob Dylan, its you. His music is like a chorus of angels, singing privately for me as i sit here and write this. I never really took much of a personal interest in his music before. I mean ive heard of him, but i didnt think it was this damn good. You may disagree, but oh i love it.
I need a date for this weekend, going to dinner and some sort of entertainment... ill entertain you. But dates work better when you have someone to go with so im going to have to work on it for the next couple of days. If you are that lucky person, it will be a night to remember... maybe not, but it might get dirty.
Im in a good mood now. awesome.
Love
Quarterman
P.S. I have a totally new badass Adam Green layout, background, whatever the hell it is called. Actually just a picture but hell... badass.