finality
so today i did a little soul-searching, just in time to keep me from studying for finals. not that i would much anyway, but...oh what the hell. results of said soul-search are as follows:
- nope, still haven't found it.
- quite a bit of what i do is simply what i'm expected to do, and not stuff that i really want to do.
- some of what i do is preparation for my future, which i would like to be easy and fun. this partially coincides with what i said above.
- some of what i do is actually counterproductive to my other objectives, and is done just for plain old fun.
- there are some things i'd like to do that i'm too lazy and cowardly to actually do, unless certain circumstances align themselves favorably. but i won't do any of that aligning myself, at least not until i metaphorically de-scoliose myself.
- i regularly deceive myself about things that might make my life harder. and i'm not exactly sure if that's true, but i have a feeling that if i knew, it would make my life harder somehow. so it makes sense...kind of.
- in the long run, we're all dead, and nobody will remember me. so it doesn't make much sense for me to try and be someone to be remembered widely. rather, i would want the people i care about to remember me.
- i don't have a good idea as to how i might go about doing that.
- except, of course, by doing the aforementioned things that i'm too lazy and cowardly to do.
- i think i'm starting to realize why kenny claims that being too intellectual makes you depressed, even though i'm not thinking on the same track he was and i'm not going to let myself be depressed about this.
- CONCLUSION: as my calculus teacher says, life sucks and then you die. I can't do anything about the latter portion of that truism, but perhaps I can modify the first. Then, I should do what I can to see that my life, and the lives of those whom I care for, do not suck.
I guess I'm working on that, laziness and cowardliness and all. In fact, those both are manifestations of my desire that my own life not suck. Perhaps misguided, but hey, it's not like you're the repository of all wisdom either. Oh, and if you wanna philosophize with me, go ahead. I enjoy talking to people who aren't my own mental constructs, cause seriously i talk to them (and myself) too much. but if you think about it, i myself am my own mental construct...freaky, huh?
- nope, still haven't found it.
- quite a bit of what i do is simply what i'm expected to do, and not stuff that i really want to do.
- some of what i do is preparation for my future, which i would like to be easy and fun. this partially coincides with what i said above.
- some of what i do is actually counterproductive to my other objectives, and is done just for plain old fun.
- there are some things i'd like to do that i'm too lazy and cowardly to actually do, unless certain circumstances align themselves favorably. but i won't do any of that aligning myself, at least not until i metaphorically de-scoliose myself.
- i regularly deceive myself about things that might make my life harder. and i'm not exactly sure if that's true, but i have a feeling that if i knew, it would make my life harder somehow. so it makes sense...kind of.
- in the long run, we're all dead, and nobody will remember me. so it doesn't make much sense for me to try and be someone to be remembered widely. rather, i would want the people i care about to remember me.
- i don't have a good idea as to how i might go about doing that.
- except, of course, by doing the aforementioned things that i'm too lazy and cowardly to do.
- i think i'm starting to realize why kenny claims that being too intellectual makes you depressed, even though i'm not thinking on the same track he was and i'm not going to let myself be depressed about this.
- CONCLUSION: as my calculus teacher says, life sucks and then you die. I can't do anything about the latter portion of that truism, but perhaps I can modify the first. Then, I should do what I can to see that my life, and the lives of those whom I care for, do not suck.
I guess I'm working on that, laziness and cowardliness and all. In fact, those both are manifestations of my desire that my own life not suck. Perhaps misguided, but hey, it's not like you're the repository of all wisdom either. Oh, and if you wanna philosophize with me, go ahead. I enjoy talking to people who aren't my own mental constructs, cause seriously i talk to them (and myself) too much. but if you think about it, i myself am my own mental construct...freaky, huh?