A realization.
I had a good day today. At least...I did in the afternoon.
This shit with Ryan just sucks. It's that simple. Just the gravity of realizing that the feelings are drifting away, despite what we may have said and despite what we still say...Of course it hurts, ya know? Realizing that there's no one there to watch out for you but yourself. It's a shock.
I mean, i love him...but it's not the same. As much as we used to fight, we NEVER would have treated each other like this. Not being able to trust someone anymore. And trust is a big deal to me. I don't deal with people I can't trust. And that's a really sobering thought. I just realized the gravity of those statements, and the truth there. Fuck.
I've known I should do this...but i can't bring myself to. 'Calling you' still makes me cry. It's been a month. But it's only been a month.
There ARE feelings there. I can't just cut off all contact with someone who's been everything to me for the last 1.5 years.
I'm fucked no matter what i do.
This shit with Ryan just sucks. It's that simple. Just the gravity of realizing that the feelings are drifting away, despite what we may have said and despite what we still say...Of course it hurts, ya know? Realizing that there's no one there to watch out for you but yourself. It's a shock.
I mean, i love him...but it's not the same. As much as we used to fight, we NEVER would have treated each other like this. Not being able to trust someone anymore. And trust is a big deal to me. I don't deal with people I can't trust. And that's a really sobering thought. I just realized the gravity of those statements, and the truth there. Fuck.
I've known I should do this...but i can't bring myself to. 'Calling you' still makes me cry. It's been a month. But it's only been a month.
There ARE feelings there. I can't just cut off all contact with someone who's been everything to me for the last 1.5 years.
I'm fucked no matter what i do.