I just might be the Antichrist.
Hawkin72: I'll make you some MP3 CDs and mail them out to you this week.
Hawkin72: Jello and the Melvins, Godspeed, Elliott Smith.
Jesus McMurphy: I'll want to burn down the white house, drop acid, and kill myself!
Mother Nature has it in for me. It seems that wherever I go these days, She deems it logical to hurtle a mass of swirling atmospheric death in my specific direction. Don't believe me? FACE THE FACTS:
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 25th, INDIA - TSUNAMI KILLS HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS; 7-11 DECLARES STATE OF EMERGENCY DUE TO DECIMATION OF WORK FORCE
MONDAY, AUGUST 29TH, NEW ORLEANS - HURRICANE KATRINA RAISIES THE DEAD; 1,000+ EATEN BY ANGRY, FRENCH ZOMBIES WEARING FUNNY HATS
MONDAY, OCTOBER 24TH, SOUTH FLORIDA - HURRICANE WILMA POISED TO STRIKE FLORIDA; THOUSANDS OF KEYS RESIDENTS FEARED SOBER
So, as you can plainly see, there's a price on my head, and a hitman after my soul. I've put a lot of consideration into this, and I've decided there's a number of options I could take:
A)Selflessly sacrifice myself and move to Antarctica. This way, all of the world's bad weather will hit the desolate snow plains instead of civilization. I will be hailed as a hero on the other six continents, and people all over the world will love me and pay me homage. The only problem is, well, I won't be able to impress any chicks down there with my stories of my exploits. Also, I think I heard someone that your piss freezes before it hits the ground in Antarctica, and I'm afraid it might freeze before coming out.
B)Hold the world at ransom. Sure, they can throw me in jail, but guess what? A Category 24 hurricane will knock those walls down like no one's business. Foiled again, humankind!
C)Work for the Feds. They could send me into any area that the conservative right wing deems a "den of sin," and I'll get to work. Hell, give me five hundred grand, a '76 Camaro, three hookers, and I'll clean Las Vegas out in three weeks.
It's a really tough job playing one of the harbingers of the Apocalypse. Hell, I don't even know how to ride a horse.
Hawkin72: Jello and the Melvins, Godspeed, Elliott Smith.
Jesus McMurphy: I'll want to burn down the white house, drop acid, and kill myself!
Mother Nature has it in for me. It seems that wherever I go these days, She deems it logical to hurtle a mass of swirling atmospheric death in my specific direction. Don't believe me? FACE THE FACTS:
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 25th, INDIA - TSUNAMI KILLS HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS; 7-11 DECLARES STATE OF EMERGENCY DUE TO DECIMATION OF WORK FORCE
MONDAY, AUGUST 29TH, NEW ORLEANS - HURRICANE KATRINA RAISIES THE DEAD; 1,000+ EATEN BY ANGRY, FRENCH ZOMBIES WEARING FUNNY HATS
MONDAY, OCTOBER 24TH, SOUTH FLORIDA - HURRICANE WILMA POISED TO STRIKE FLORIDA; THOUSANDS OF KEYS RESIDENTS FEARED SOBER
So, as you can plainly see, there's a price on my head, and a hitman after my soul. I've put a lot of consideration into this, and I've decided there's a number of options I could take:
A)Selflessly sacrifice myself and move to Antarctica. This way, all of the world's bad weather will hit the desolate snow plains instead of civilization. I will be hailed as a hero on the other six continents, and people all over the world will love me and pay me homage. The only problem is, well, I won't be able to impress any chicks down there with my stories of my exploits. Also, I think I heard someone that your piss freezes before it hits the ground in Antarctica, and I'm afraid it might freeze before coming out.
B)Hold the world at ransom. Sure, they can throw me in jail, but guess what? A Category 24 hurricane will knock those walls down like no one's business. Foiled again, humankind!
C)Work for the Feds. They could send me into any area that the conservative right wing deems a "den of sin," and I'll get to work. Hell, give me five hundred grand, a '76 Camaro, three hookers, and I'll clean Las Vegas out in three weeks.
It's a really tough job playing one of the harbingers of the Apocalypse. Hell, I don't even know how to ride a horse.