[Title censored for your conveinence]
So...someone on Plurk defriended me. Honestly, it's not the worst thing in the world. She's been making me anxious and obsessive about my fandom/shipping preferences for a long time. For those of you who are curious, this is the girl that made me feel so awful about shipping slash pairigs for a while and very frustrated with humanities majors (mostly because I feel as though, when she was looking at race and gender issues, she and her friends ignored biology and human developmental behavior). That plus my own tendencies to obsess resulted in a situation that was frequently very depressing.
I did like some of the things she had to say, and, there was a part of me that very much wanted to work out our differences, because I like to TALK about things if they're bothering me.
Anyway, she made this comment about the Assassin's Creed fandom and how annoyed she was that there were some girls saying that they'd never been attracted to Italian or Middle Eastern men before playing the game and being introduced to those characters. She said that it was fetishization and disgusting. I disagreed, and told her that attraction is NOT the same thing as objectification or fetishization.
Attraction is defined by our environment. This. Is. A. Biological. Fact. Media has a HUGE sway in what we find attractive, and really, I thought one of the major complaints behind there not being enough diversity in the media was that we were trying to get girls to only be attracted to the white, blond, blue-eyed Disney princes? Look at the age group of the girls in question; let's assume 12-17 for the majority based on other fandom statistics that I've seen. This is the age group where they're still defining sexuality and what they find attractive. I don't think they're expressing it properly, but coming down on them for what they find attractive isn't going to get you anywhere. (Again, we're talking teenagers, who of course love authority figures and do whatever they're told to do always without question).
Honestly, I'd rather have people acknowledging that diversity can be attractive. I'd rather have girls thinking "gosh, that Moroccan boy sitting a few tables away sure is cute" than "oh no OMG TERRORIST!". You can argue that both of them are bad if you want to, but I think of attraction as a very healthy human emotion. It's not the same thing as objectification or even orientalism --- half of these girls don't even know what that latter one means. I don't think it's a destructive emotion in the least. It's only destructive if you stop looking at them as people, if you think they'll fly into bed with you at the drop of a hat. Honestly? Most people in the world DON'T THINK THAT.
Yes, there are problematic cultural overtones regarding sexualization and objectification...but REALLY, honestly? The vast majority of people in the world are just trying to live life as best they can. None of that shit matters to them. You can do all the studying and all the obsessing in the world and it won't matter if your opinion is so abrasive and unapproachable that nobody wants to hear it.
I think attraction is a positive emotion. Attraction is defined by our media and I'd rather have girls understanding that men (or girls, for that matter) of all races and ethnicities can be attractive than just crushing on Justin-freaking-Bieber. It's not a perfect goddamn world. Accepting baby steps in the right direction is not the same as accepting the state of the world as it is.
Honestly, That's not even what pissed me off most. What pissed me off most is the fact that she wasn't even willing to talk about it. She made a statement. A statement that is not a fact. A statement that is as questionable and arguable as any other goddamn opinion; honestly, it was a statement that completely ignored and disregarded culture, development, and psychology. She shut me off, deleted the plurk thread as if to ignore the fact that somebody disagreed with her (and fuck if it isn't a PERFECTLY valid disagreement), then, she defriended me without so much as a goddamn word.
I will admit that I was planning on defriending her after that. Her cutting me off like that was disrespectful and not something I wanted to deal with after CONSTANTLY being on edge about MY preferences. But I was going to give her a reason. I wanted to try and talk and work it out because that's the way I am when there's a problem, or at least it's the way I try to be. Instead, she cuts me off without a word, simply because I expressed an opposing opinion, and that's something I really, really hate. I HATE being shut down and ignored and marginalized over something, an argument, that has no substance. I am so frustrated and pissed about the entire thing and am feeling so damn bitter after all the grief she's caused me.
And you know what? YOUR KINK IS NOT MY KINK. With a few very real exceptions, people are entitled to like what they goddamn like without some pretentious assclown tossing moralistic gibberish at them.
I did like some of the things she had to say, and, there was a part of me that very much wanted to work out our differences, because I like to TALK about things if they're bothering me.
Anyway, she made this comment about the Assassin's Creed fandom and how annoyed she was that there were some girls saying that they'd never been attracted to Italian or Middle Eastern men before playing the game and being introduced to those characters. She said that it was fetishization and disgusting. I disagreed, and told her that attraction is NOT the same thing as objectification or fetishization.
Attraction is defined by our environment. This. Is. A. Biological. Fact. Media has a HUGE sway in what we find attractive, and really, I thought one of the major complaints behind there not being enough diversity in the media was that we were trying to get girls to only be attracted to the white, blond, blue-eyed Disney princes? Look at the age group of the girls in question; let's assume 12-17 for the majority based on other fandom statistics that I've seen. This is the age group where they're still defining sexuality and what they find attractive. I don't think they're expressing it properly, but coming down on them for what they find attractive isn't going to get you anywhere. (Again, we're talking teenagers, who of course love authority figures and do whatever they're told to do always without question).
Honestly, I'd rather have people acknowledging that diversity can be attractive. I'd rather have girls thinking "gosh, that Moroccan boy sitting a few tables away sure is cute" than "oh no OMG TERRORIST!". You can argue that both of them are bad if you want to, but I think of attraction as a very healthy human emotion. It's not the same thing as objectification or even orientalism --- half of these girls don't even know what that latter one means. I don't think it's a destructive emotion in the least. It's only destructive if you stop looking at them as people, if you think they'll fly into bed with you at the drop of a hat. Honestly? Most people in the world DON'T THINK THAT.
Yes, there are problematic cultural overtones regarding sexualization and objectification...but REALLY, honestly? The vast majority of people in the world are just trying to live life as best they can. None of that shit matters to them. You can do all the studying and all the obsessing in the world and it won't matter if your opinion is so abrasive and unapproachable that nobody wants to hear it.
I think attraction is a positive emotion. Attraction is defined by our media and I'd rather have girls understanding that men (or girls, for that matter) of all races and ethnicities can be attractive than just crushing on Justin-freaking-Bieber. It's not a perfect goddamn world. Accepting baby steps in the right direction is not the same as accepting the state of the world as it is.
Honestly, That's not even what pissed me off most. What pissed me off most is the fact that she wasn't even willing to talk about it. She made a statement. A statement that is not a fact. A statement that is as questionable and arguable as any other goddamn opinion; honestly, it was a statement that completely ignored and disregarded culture, development, and psychology. She shut me off, deleted the plurk thread as if to ignore the fact that somebody disagreed with her (and fuck if it isn't a PERFECTLY valid disagreement), then, she defriended me without so much as a goddamn word.
I will admit that I was planning on defriending her after that. Her cutting me off like that was disrespectful and not something I wanted to deal with after CONSTANTLY being on edge about MY preferences. But I was going to give her a reason. I wanted to try and talk and work it out because that's the way I am when there's a problem, or at least it's the way I try to be. Instead, she cuts me off without a word, simply because I expressed an opposing opinion, and that's something I really, really hate. I HATE being shut down and ignored and marginalized over something, an argument, that has no substance. I am so frustrated and pissed about the entire thing and am feeling so damn bitter after all the grief she's caused me.
And you know what? YOUR KINK IS NOT MY KINK. With a few very real exceptions, people are entitled to like what they goddamn like without some pretentious assclown tossing moralistic gibberish at them.