moving on...or so I thought.
There are things that we do and things that occur with others when we are younger - that when reason, age, and wisdom kick in, we wonder what in the LIVING HELL we were thinking to have done that! Secrets that are kept...or at least kept on one side, but not the other.
There are things that I've been a part of and a willing and sometimes-not-so-willing party to that have reared their ugly residues, nearly 10 years later. These are things that I've done and have come to grips with what was done, shared that part of my past with my wonderful husband, and haven't been judged by them. Just as he has old dust bunnies in his closet, so do I. Just as I have had old baggage to clean the mold and mildew off of, so did he. I am grateful and thankful - and LUCKY - to have someone like Mark, who takes me as I am, not as a sum of my past flaws and mistakes.
Recently, it has come to my attention that some of this old ugly bile has poisoned the life of someone else. Not only did I not know that it had come to light, but I seem to have been blamed for the illumination. This person is not so lucky in their relationship, and it seems to be heading on a course meant for personal disaster. I've wondered why I've been shut out for months, why communication has been non-existent - even on a 'traditional' day we always speak. Now I know.
I feel like shit, but I can't go back and change what's been done and what I've been a party to. I can only hope that my friendship is not gone away - but I fear it already is. I can hope that the relationship in question can be repaired - but it seems like that it is already a foregone conclusion.
Yes, I'm being cryptic to spare myself and the person in question anguish and embarrassment of rehashing old issues. I'd thought this was a part of my life I'd left behind, but apparrently it's like the birthday candle that tricks ya: when you think it's finally out, it comes back to life to burn you once again. And if not me, the one closest to the flame.
There are things that I've been a part of and a willing and sometimes-not-so-willing party to that have reared their ugly residues, nearly 10 years later. These are things that I've done and have come to grips with what was done, shared that part of my past with my wonderful husband, and haven't been judged by them. Just as he has old dust bunnies in his closet, so do I. Just as I have had old baggage to clean the mold and mildew off of, so did he. I am grateful and thankful - and LUCKY - to have someone like Mark, who takes me as I am, not as a sum of my past flaws and mistakes.
Recently, it has come to my attention that some of this old ugly bile has poisoned the life of someone else. Not only did I not know that it had come to light, but I seem to have been blamed for the illumination. This person is not so lucky in their relationship, and it seems to be heading on a course meant for personal disaster. I've wondered why I've been shut out for months, why communication has been non-existent - even on a 'traditional' day we always speak. Now I know.
I feel like shit, but I can't go back and change what's been done and what I've been a party to. I can only hope that my friendship is not gone away - but I fear it already is. I can hope that the relationship in question can be repaired - but it seems like that it is already a foregone conclusion.
Yes, I'm being cryptic to spare myself and the person in question anguish and embarrassment of rehashing old issues. I'd thought this was a part of my life I'd left behind, but apparrently it's like the birthday candle that tricks ya: when you think it's finally out, it comes back to life to burn you once again. And if not me, the one closest to the flame.