I seem to post a lot while I'm at home, but today I REALLY need to. :/
So I was having a bit of a chat with Climatology Nerd on Facebook yesterday, and we somehow started talking about MOQA, the campus LGBT organization, and why I had stopped attending meetings (besides the fact that they're on Sunday nights and that's when I do most of my work and I'm always too tired and lazy to go at those times anyway). We discussed whether or not making our college gay-friendly is a lost cause, because, well, it isn't all that gay-friendly and it really should be. I mean, after spending two and a half years there, I realized just how much there isn't an out community there -- granted, there's only about 2,400 students total, so I don't know why the activists are expecting such a community to be all that big, but maybe just one that's active and actually visible. But it's just......I sort of knew this starting earlier this year, but part of the reason why there really isn't, and why any sort of activism on campus, LGBT-related or otherwise, doesn't seem to work, is because our college is not diverse at all; if it wasn't so filled with athletes, rich uppity white kids, legacy students, and just about anyone who could pay their way through, I somehow doubt it'd be that much of a problem.
I mean....how do you talk to these kinds of people about the issues MOQA and pretty much anyone concerned over gay rights are concerned about? Do you get in people's faces and try to be as active as possible? Then you get critized for being misguided and using bad tactics, not to mention getting labeled "uppity" and having the tone argument thrown at you. Granted, some of this concern is legitimate; during freshman year, one of the co-presidents was very passionate about the issues, but as much as he wanted to make a name for himself as a Strong And Powerful Gay Rights Activist, there really isn't much one can do at a small liberal arts college in rural Vermont; for example, he turned a simple Marines recruiting thing in one of the dining halls into a DADT protest extravaganza (it was ostensibly protesting the college's policy allowing recruiters who did not specifically include sexual orientation in their non-discrimination policies onto campus, but we all know it wasn't really about that) -- as much as I have issues with military recruiters, the protest was pretty disrespectful, among other not-so-great things. And then there was the time he organized something about the ban on gay people to donate blood, but the panel of speakers he brought in were all people who could do absolutely nothing to change or even influence that policy, and the whole thing turned out to be a bit pointless. So the organization still has a bit of a bad reputation because of the stuff that they used to do.
But what they're doing now is, well, nothing. As much as I like their current leadership, they really haven't been active all that much lately -- not many events, pretty much no activism, etc. It's become more of a support group than anything else, which is great, mind you, we do need one, but there's a difference between creating a "safe space" and trying to do the best you can to make the whole college gay-friendly. And then you're not engaging with the people I mentioned above, which goes back to the question of how to talk to these entitled prep/jock white kids about these things so that it makes an impact. It seems no matter what you do, you can't win: try to talk to them respectfully and without a single word out of place and you're not provoking them into making them rethink their own preconceived notions and prejudices; try to get in their face and your tone is wrong. And it doesn't seem like there's any middle ground. It seems like the easy answer is that because you're going to piss someone off no matter what you do, you might as well go all out, be as active as possible, and do whatever. But....how exactly do you go about doing that, at a college in the middle of nowhere that's whiter than snow rubbed into Wonder Bread?
Anyway, Climatology Nerd blamed much of this on the admissions department, basically for not admitting more non-straight, non-white students -- basically, the people most likely to listen and least likely to ignore the issues and do stupid shit. I mean, if our college truly were more diverse instead of being concerned more about mere cosmetic diversity, it's not as if incidents like the Gaypril posters getting ripped down last year and the homophobic slurs spray-painted all around campus the year before I entered wouldn't have happened, but there might have been a bigger fuss raised. And what he said just reminded me of when I was applying for college and being told that colleges like mine were looking for "well-rounded" students -- and really, how else can you be "well-rounded" unless you go to a school with a lot of resources and opportunities and good academics and emotional support and support in general, and that the only way you can go to such a school is if it's in an affluent district, which means you most likely have to live in said affluent district, which means you're most likely pretty well-off yourself, which means that you're going to be sheltered from a lot of social issues, and you're most likely going to be white to boot? (I don't know how I ever got admitted into the schools I did -- I can tell you right now that I never was "well-rounded," and I'm still not.)
And then I start thinking about how students are prone to forming "cliques" because of how small it is, and I'm reminded of that one black student putting on a one-woman show in 51 Main last spring about how it sucked to be a student of color here and finding strength and motivation in all the bad experiences she had to face, and being reminded of the spoiled "old boys' club" I see every day I'm there.....and yesterday I realized, three semesters and two J-terms away from graduating, that I'm going to the wrong college. All the factors that I didn't think were relevant in choosing a college I now realize were more relevant than I thought, and all the things I thought were awesome about my college have turned out to be promotional flyer untruths. I should've gone to a college with more diversity and a higher percentage of international students and just students who don't think or act like me -- it would help me confront social issues and my own privilege and prejudices and apathy more, and it would help me be more accepting of people not like me, which I think would be a very useful thing to have to carry over into "the real world." I should've gone to a college that's less expensive, like a state school -- I hated UConn when I visited there, mostly because it was extremely big and it had frats and it seemed way too career oriented and the abudance of "Husky Pride" was extremely annoying, but now that I look back on it I don't think those things are all that big of a deal. Having more people means more people I can interact and connect with, I certainly wouldn't have minded walking a lot (I need the exercise, for one thing), I would've been admitted into an honors program there, it's not as if I couldn't have a liberal arts education there and learn the same stuff I'm learning at Middlebury, and it's not as if the university is so small that I wouldn't be able to avoid the frats or the stoners or the obnoxious otaku or anyone I tried to avoid by going to where I'm going. (Plus, I wouldn't be saddled with over $20,000 in student loans once I graduate, even with all the money saved up for college getting practically flushed down the toilet with the stock market crash.) And I should've gone to a college in or close to a big city -- there would be some safety concerns, of course, but there'd be a helluva lot more to do, and having a healthy social scene would help myself and other students survive college and get along.
Middlebury still has its upsides, mind -- I've still had a lot of amazing professors, I've gone through a lot of personal growth, I've been introduced to a lot of interesting people and ideas, having small class sizes means having to participate more and be more active in learning, clean air (even though it sometimes smells of manure), no frats, etc. But except for the small classes, all of these things I could've had at other colleges -- maybe not in the same way, but I'd still have them (or I'd deem them to be not as important as I thought they were). But the more I think about it, and the more I realize that as much as I want to do ES and how that's an awesome major I should've done something different from the get-go, the more I want a do-over of the past two and a half years. But.....yeah, a little bit too late for that, now is it?
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In better news, I started writing again yesterday. Because I was bored, I went through old stuff I wrote during high school (especially for Writing Club and my ninth grade Saturday seminar), and that and all the angst I've been feeling lately (partly what I described above, though certainly not all of it) inspired me to get out the creative writing notebook that I haven't cracked open in over three years and write 15 pages of words, images, and story and novel ideas that have been floating around in my subconscious for far too long. It kinda weirds me out that there's a lot of sex, penises, homoeroticism, fantasy elements, nature, cities, war, death, metafiction, song lyrics, and iterations of the word "help" in what I free-wrote. But it's still something. I might try it again tonight, and if I keep this up I'll start looking to see if something's salvagable from all that mess. 8DDDDDDDDD
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All right, some more end-of-year memes from mcollinknight because I love doing them way too much:
Looking ahead:
1. Will you be looking for a new job?: Yes, because I desperately need one. :/
2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?: No
3. New house?: New dorm, of course, but my family in CT isn't moving anytime soon.
4. What will you do different in ‘10?: Be more proactive in finding out what I want to do with my life and setting out my future plans, being a little teensy bit more social, being more physically active (and active in general).
5. New Years resolution?: No. But, as you can see above, I do have plans I really want to abide by for next year.
6. What will you not be doing in ‘10?: I dunno....most likely being lazy.
7. Any trips planned?: Not really. Japanese School this summer might count, but that's at Middlebury and doesn't really count as a "trip." I still really want to go to Montreal, though.
8. Wedding plans?: NO.
9. Major thing on your calender?: Except for probable Japanese School, nothing really.
10. What can't you wait for?: To be more active and get a job. And graduate, though that won't be until 2011. ^_^; And maybe going to Japan and WOOFing too.....
11. What would you like to see happen differently?: Being more comfortable with who I am, and turning that into motivation, instead of doing what I think I'm merely expected to do.
12. What about yourself will you be changing?: See above.
15. Will you dress differently this year then you did in 09?: I'd like to dress a little bit "nicer" and have at least a little bit of fashion sense so I don't look like a total slacker, but that's not a high priority right now.
16. Will you start or quit drinking?: I don't drink, and even though I'll be turning 21 in 2010 I doubt that'll change.
17. Will you better your relationship with your family?: Not important to me -- I want to get away from them ASAP so I can start living my own life independently. :B
18. Will you do philanthropy work?: Don't know. I don't think so, I was never really the type, I'm afraid.
19. Will you go to bars?: HELL NO.
20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?: I try hard enough already.
21. Do you expect '10 to be a good year for you?: I hope so. That hasn't been the trend lately, but I sure hope so.
22. How much did you change from last year to this year?: In some ways, I've changed quite a bit (especially intellectually) -- but in other ways (especially socially) I really haven't changed at all.
23. Do you plan on having a child?: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO FUCKING NO.
24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?: Online, I sure hope so. IRL, probably not, since I'll be graduating in May of 2011 and I probably will never see them again after that.
25. Major lifestyle changes?: See above.
26. Will you be moving?: No. I'd like to get my own place ASAP, but that certainly won't happen next year.
27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in '10 that happened in 2009?: A repeat of last summer.
28. What are your New Years Eve plans?: Staying at home, chilling with my family, being bored out of my mind. Honestly, I don't get the big deal over New Year's -- it's just another day to me.
29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?: Nope.
30. One wish for '10?: That I feel better about myself at the end of '10 than at the end of '09.
intimate details on '09
What are you thinking about?
Everything I've spilled above, and being jealous over friends who seem to be way more happier than I ever will be.
Have you drank alcohol this year?
No.
Would you get married if you could right now?
FUCK NO.
How did you feel when you woke up today?
Like my brain had swooshed around and had a party inside my skull. It's not as awesome as you'd think. :/
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
I do come across as aloof and distant to most people, so yeah, I'd say so. But if I'm really feeling pissed off or depressed, trust me, you'll know.
Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart?
I'm sure I could be acquaintances with them, and we could talk to each other civilly from time to time, but no, not friends.
If you could change your eye color would you?
I like my brown eyes, thank you very much. =D
Who did you last get into a big argument with?
Can't remember.
Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
I've fought, but we forgave each other and got over it pretty quickly. We don't fight all that often.
Do you want to get married & have children one day?
Right now, no way. Though life can certainly be funny sometimes, and maybe when I'm 50 or something I'll regret not doing so. But we'll see. ;-)
Which of your friends do you argue with the most?
I don't really argue with my friends. Which is great and all, but it kind of worries me, because there's no way to find out who your real friends are, and no way to strengthen your relationships with them, if there isn't some tension once in a while. Or So I've Heard.
Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Short.
Are you over the age of 25?
No, though this should be quite obvious.
Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it?
Probably not. If they knew I loved them, I wouldn't have to tell them. If they honestly can't have any closure without me saying it, tough luck.
How do you currently make your money?
Gift money for Christmas and birthdays. I really want to make some of my own, though. :(
Have you kissed anyone in the last 4 hours?
No.
How many texts are in your inbox?
About 30-something.
Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
I'm pretty sure they have, though not in that sappy romantic way.
Who was your last text message from ?
Not counting my mom, probably either Climatology Nerd or one of my VIP buddies.
Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
My dad, when he was picking me up from college on Saturday.
When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
Probably when I was much younger. I did cry when the semester began last semester when I just hit rock bottom, but that wasn't all that hard.
Who took your profile picture?
Oshiumi-sensei, our Japanese TA.
Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Cry over the truth, definitely -- it'd be a lot more cathartic.
What’s on your bedroom floor right now?
Sneakers, backpack -- that's about it, really. I like being able to move around in my room. XD
Do you trust people too easily?
I guess so. I consider it more a virtue than a fault, though.
Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
Even though I complain a lot about various things, other than those various things, yeah, I think I'm fine right now.
Have you ever cut class?
Only when I was sick or I overslept so much that going to class wasn't worth it.
Have you ever liked someone a lot older than you?
No. I tend to crush on people at least ten years older than me, but I can't say I've actually liked anyone.
If you had a baby with the last person you texted, what would the baby' s last name be?
NEXT QUESTION PLEASE.
Last thing you ate?
A bagel and two breakfast bars this morning. I'm way hungry now. D:
How many people are you texting?
Probably about two or three people on a semi-regular basis. I don't text all that much.
Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
No.
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Orange juice.
Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I doubt it, but honestly I don't think I could blame them.
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Not really.
Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
Yeah, my best friend.
Have you told anybody you loved them today?
No.
Do you make every decision as if your parents are watching?
No, though I try to stay away from stuff they probably wouldn't approve of, not because I want to please them, but because I generally don't approve of that stuff either. 8D;
Have you ever gotten the butterflies?
Oh, most definitely!
Do you like to run?
No.
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
Some of my close friends, I suppose.
Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree?
No.
Do you get snow where you live?
It's Connecticut, what do you expect? :P
Do you believe in love?
Do I believe it exists? Definitely. Do I believe in it's redemptive power? Probably not.
This year have you ever been heartbroken?
No, but I've certainly been really fucking close.
Do you think 2010 will be better?
I sure hope so.
And now the interview meme, once again! This time from edge_chan:
Leave me a comment saying "LOL QUESTIONS PLZ."
• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity.
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.
1.- Leaving in one side you wouldn't make one because the needles, which design would you like for a tattoo and why? (It doesn't mean you'll have to make them in reality).
2.- Would you rather to jump in a bungee or do underwater diving? and why?
3.- For any reason, which is the strangest song you have listened? Do you still listen to it?
4.- What do you think its your main goal in life? If you have multiple of these, which one is the "main" one?
5.- From the Periodic table, which element is your favourite and why? =P
1.) I really, REALLY don't want one; I don't like tattoos at all and I don't think anything would look good on me anyway. The only ideas I can come up with involve appropriating someone else's culture anyway. :/
2.) Bungee-jumping! I think I've always wanted to do it (as well as skydiving and hang-gliding). It'd be a great adrenaline rush! I don't know how to swim anyway, and I'm slightly hydrophobic too. XDDDDDDDDDDD
3.) Pretty much anything by John Lennon and Yoko Ono when they collaborated -- I've heard some samples of their work, and that is some weird stuff right there. I also listened to a part of Karlheinz Stockhausen's "Gesang der Junglinge" yesterday. Of all the songs I still listen to on a semi-regular basis, the strangest one has got to be "Peking O" by Can (part 1, part 2). Can is one of my favorite bands, though not because of songs like that. :P
4.) Probably to live it well, I suppose. Which probably involves having a few close friends, traveling the world, cultivating a love of learning, and maybe doing a bit of activism or philanthropy or volunteer work. I'd still like to be a published novelist one day, though. :DDDDDDDDDDD
5.) I dunno, I really disliked chemistry class. >_>; If I had to pick one, though, it'd probably be cadmium, just because I did a report on it once and it doesn't get enough love. ~_^
I mean....how do you talk to these kinds of people about the issues MOQA and pretty much anyone concerned over gay rights are concerned about? Do you get in people's faces and try to be as active as possible? Then you get critized for being misguided and using bad tactics, not to mention getting labeled "uppity" and having the tone argument thrown at you. Granted, some of this concern is legitimate; during freshman year, one of the co-presidents was very passionate about the issues, but as much as he wanted to make a name for himself as a Strong And Powerful Gay Rights Activist, there really isn't much one can do at a small liberal arts college in rural Vermont; for example, he turned a simple Marines recruiting thing in one of the dining halls into a DADT protest extravaganza (it was ostensibly protesting the college's policy allowing recruiters who did not specifically include sexual orientation in their non-discrimination policies onto campus, but we all know it wasn't really about that) -- as much as I have issues with military recruiters, the protest was pretty disrespectful, among other not-so-great things. And then there was the time he organized something about the ban on gay people to donate blood, but the panel of speakers he brought in were all people who could do absolutely nothing to change or even influence that policy, and the whole thing turned out to be a bit pointless. So the organization still has a bit of a bad reputation because of the stuff that they used to do.
But what they're doing now is, well, nothing. As much as I like their current leadership, they really haven't been active all that much lately -- not many events, pretty much no activism, etc. It's become more of a support group than anything else, which is great, mind you, we do need one, but there's a difference between creating a "safe space" and trying to do the best you can to make the whole college gay-friendly. And then you're not engaging with the people I mentioned above, which goes back to the question of how to talk to these entitled prep/jock white kids about these things so that it makes an impact. It seems no matter what you do, you can't win: try to talk to them respectfully and without a single word out of place and you're not provoking them into making them rethink their own preconceived notions and prejudices; try to get in their face and your tone is wrong. And it doesn't seem like there's any middle ground. It seems like the easy answer is that because you're going to piss someone off no matter what you do, you might as well go all out, be as active as possible, and do whatever. But....how exactly do you go about doing that, at a college in the middle of nowhere that's whiter than snow rubbed into Wonder Bread?
Anyway, Climatology Nerd blamed much of this on the admissions department, basically for not admitting more non-straight, non-white students -- basically, the people most likely to listen and least likely to ignore the issues and do stupid shit. I mean, if our college truly were more diverse instead of being concerned more about mere cosmetic diversity, it's not as if incidents like the Gaypril posters getting ripped down last year and the homophobic slurs spray-painted all around campus the year before I entered wouldn't have happened, but there might have been a bigger fuss raised. And what he said just reminded me of when I was applying for college and being told that colleges like mine were looking for "well-rounded" students -- and really, how else can you be "well-rounded" unless you go to a school with a lot of resources and opportunities and good academics and emotional support and support in general, and that the only way you can go to such a school is if it's in an affluent district, which means you most likely have to live in said affluent district, which means you're most likely pretty well-off yourself, which means that you're going to be sheltered from a lot of social issues, and you're most likely going to be white to boot? (I don't know how I ever got admitted into the schools I did -- I can tell you right now that I never was "well-rounded," and I'm still not.)
And then I start thinking about how students are prone to forming "cliques" because of how small it is, and I'm reminded of that one black student putting on a one-woman show in 51 Main last spring about how it sucked to be a student of color here and finding strength and motivation in all the bad experiences she had to face, and being reminded of the spoiled "old boys' club" I see every day I'm there.....and yesterday I realized, three semesters and two J-terms away from graduating, that I'm going to the wrong college. All the factors that I didn't think were relevant in choosing a college I now realize were more relevant than I thought, and all the things I thought were awesome about my college have turned out to be promotional flyer untruths. I should've gone to a college with more diversity and a higher percentage of international students and just students who don't think or act like me -- it would help me confront social issues and my own privilege and prejudices and apathy more, and it would help me be more accepting of people not like me, which I think would be a very useful thing to have to carry over into "the real world." I should've gone to a college that's less expensive, like a state school -- I hated UConn when I visited there, mostly because it was extremely big and it had frats and it seemed way too career oriented and the abudance of "Husky Pride" was extremely annoying, but now that I look back on it I don't think those things are all that big of a deal. Having more people means more people I can interact and connect with, I certainly wouldn't have minded walking a lot (I need the exercise, for one thing), I would've been admitted into an honors program there, it's not as if I couldn't have a liberal arts education there and learn the same stuff I'm learning at Middlebury, and it's not as if the university is so small that I wouldn't be able to avoid the frats or the stoners or the obnoxious otaku or anyone I tried to avoid by going to where I'm going. (Plus, I wouldn't be saddled with over $20,000 in student loans once I graduate, even with all the money saved up for college getting practically flushed down the toilet with the stock market crash.) And I should've gone to a college in or close to a big city -- there would be some safety concerns, of course, but there'd be a helluva lot more to do, and having a healthy social scene would help myself and other students survive college and get along.
Middlebury still has its upsides, mind -- I've still had a lot of amazing professors, I've gone through a lot of personal growth, I've been introduced to a lot of interesting people and ideas, having small class sizes means having to participate more and be more active in learning, clean air (even though it sometimes smells of manure), no frats, etc. But except for the small classes, all of these things I could've had at other colleges -- maybe not in the same way, but I'd still have them (or I'd deem them to be not as important as I thought they were). But the more I think about it, and the more I realize that as much as I want to do ES and how that's an awesome major I should've done something different from the get-go, the more I want a do-over of the past two and a half years. But.....yeah, a little bit too late for that, now is it?
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In better news, I started writing again yesterday. Because I was bored, I went through old stuff I wrote during high school (especially for Writing Club and my ninth grade Saturday seminar), and that and all the angst I've been feeling lately (partly what I described above, though certainly not all of it) inspired me to get out the creative writing notebook that I haven't cracked open in over three years and write 15 pages of words, images, and story and novel ideas that have been floating around in my subconscious for far too long. It kinda weirds me out that there's a lot of sex, penises, homoeroticism, fantasy elements, nature, cities, war, death, metafiction, song lyrics, and iterations of the word "help" in what I free-wrote. But it's still something. I might try it again tonight, and if I keep this up I'll start looking to see if something's salvagable from all that mess. 8DDDDDDDDD
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All right, some more end-of-year memes from mcollinknight because I love doing them way too much:
Looking ahead:
1. Will you be looking for a new job?: Yes, because I desperately need one. :/
2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?: No
3. New house?: New dorm, of course, but my family in CT isn't moving anytime soon.
4. What will you do different in ‘10?: Be more proactive in finding out what I want to do with my life and setting out my future plans, being a little teensy bit more social, being more physically active (and active in general).
5. New Years resolution?: No. But, as you can see above, I do have plans I really want to abide by for next year.
6. What will you not be doing in ‘10?: I dunno....most likely being lazy.
7. Any trips planned?: Not really. Japanese School this summer might count, but that's at Middlebury and doesn't really count as a "trip." I still really want to go to Montreal, though.
8. Wedding plans?: NO.
9. Major thing on your calender?: Except for probable Japanese School, nothing really.
10. What can't you wait for?: To be more active and get a job. And graduate, though that won't be until 2011. ^_^; And maybe going to Japan and WOOFing too.....
11. What would you like to see happen differently?: Being more comfortable with who I am, and turning that into motivation, instead of doing what I think I'm merely expected to do.
12. What about yourself will you be changing?: See above.
15. Will you dress differently this year then you did in 09?: I'd like to dress a little bit "nicer" and have at least a little bit of fashion sense so I don't look like a total slacker, but that's not a high priority right now.
16. Will you start or quit drinking?: I don't drink, and even though I'll be turning 21 in 2010 I doubt that'll change.
17. Will you better your relationship with your family?: Not important to me -- I want to get away from them ASAP so I can start living my own life independently. :B
18. Will you do philanthropy work?: Don't know. I don't think so, I was never really the type, I'm afraid.
19. Will you go to bars?: HELL NO.
20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?: I try hard enough already.
21. Do you expect '10 to be a good year for you?: I hope so. That hasn't been the trend lately, but I sure hope so.
22. How much did you change from last year to this year?: In some ways, I've changed quite a bit (especially intellectually) -- but in other ways (especially socially) I really haven't changed at all.
23. Do you plan on having a child?: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO FUCKING NO.
24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?: Online, I sure hope so. IRL, probably not, since I'll be graduating in May of 2011 and I probably will never see them again after that.
25. Major lifestyle changes?: See above.
26. Will you be moving?: No. I'd like to get my own place ASAP, but that certainly won't happen next year.
27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in '10 that happened in 2009?: A repeat of last summer.
28. What are your New Years Eve plans?: Staying at home, chilling with my family, being bored out of my mind. Honestly, I don't get the big deal over New Year's -- it's just another day to me.
29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?: Nope.
30. One wish for '10?: That I feel better about myself at the end of '10 than at the end of '09.
intimate details on '09
What are you thinking about?
Everything I've spilled above, and being jealous over friends who seem to be way more happier than I ever will be.
Have you drank alcohol this year?
No.
Would you get married if you could right now?
FUCK NO.
How did you feel when you woke up today?
Like my brain had swooshed around and had a party inside my skull. It's not as awesome as you'd think. :/
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
I do come across as aloof and distant to most people, so yeah, I'd say so. But if I'm really feeling pissed off or depressed, trust me, you'll know.
Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart?
I'm sure I could be acquaintances with them, and we could talk to each other civilly from time to time, but no, not friends.
If you could change your eye color would you?
I like my brown eyes, thank you very much. =D
Who did you last get into a big argument with?
Can't remember.
Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
I've fought, but we forgave each other and got over it pretty quickly. We don't fight all that often.
Do you want to get married & have children one day?
Right now, no way. Though life can certainly be funny sometimes, and maybe when I'm 50 or something I'll regret not doing so. But we'll see. ;-)
Which of your friends do you argue with the most?
I don't really argue with my friends. Which is great and all, but it kind of worries me, because there's no way to find out who your real friends are, and no way to strengthen your relationships with them, if there isn't some tension once in a while. Or So I've Heard.
Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Short.
Are you over the age of 25?
No, though this should be quite obvious.
Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it?
Probably not. If they knew I loved them, I wouldn't have to tell them. If they honestly can't have any closure without me saying it, tough luck.
How do you currently make your money?
Gift money for Christmas and birthdays. I really want to make some of my own, though. :(
Have you kissed anyone in the last 4 hours?
No.
How many texts are in your inbox?
About 30-something.
Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
I'm pretty sure they have, though not in that sappy romantic way.
Who was your last text message from ?
Not counting my mom, probably either Climatology Nerd or one of my VIP buddies.
Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
My dad, when he was picking me up from college on Saturday.
When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
Probably when I was much younger. I did cry when the semester began last semester when I just hit rock bottom, but that wasn't all that hard.
Who took your profile picture?
Oshiumi-sensei, our Japanese TA.
Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Cry over the truth, definitely -- it'd be a lot more cathartic.
What’s on your bedroom floor right now?
Sneakers, backpack -- that's about it, really. I like being able to move around in my room. XD
Do you trust people too easily?
I guess so. I consider it more a virtue than a fault, though.
Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
Even though I complain a lot about various things, other than those various things, yeah, I think I'm fine right now.
Have you ever cut class?
Only when I was sick or I overslept so much that going to class wasn't worth it.
Have you ever liked someone a lot older than you?
No. I tend to crush on people at least ten years older than me, but I can't say I've actually liked anyone.
If you had a baby with the last person you texted, what would the baby' s last name be?
NEXT QUESTION PLEASE.
Last thing you ate?
A bagel and two breakfast bars this morning. I'm way hungry now. D:
How many people are you texting?
Probably about two or three people on a semi-regular basis. I don't text all that much.
Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
No.
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Orange juice.
Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I doubt it, but honestly I don't think I could blame them.
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Not really.
Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
Yeah, my best friend.
Have you told anybody you loved them today?
No.
Do you make every decision as if your parents are watching?
No, though I try to stay away from stuff they probably wouldn't approve of, not because I want to please them, but because I generally don't approve of that stuff either. 8D;
Have you ever gotten the butterflies?
Oh, most definitely!
Do you like to run?
No.
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
Some of my close friends, I suppose.
Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree?
No.
Do you get snow where you live?
It's Connecticut, what do you expect? :P
Do you believe in love?
Do I believe it exists? Definitely. Do I believe in it's redemptive power? Probably not.
This year have you ever been heartbroken?
No, but I've certainly been really fucking close.
Do you think 2010 will be better?
I sure hope so.
And now the interview meme, once again! This time from edge_chan:
Leave me a comment saying "LOL QUESTIONS PLZ."
• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity.
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.
1.- Leaving in one side you wouldn't make one because the needles, which design would you like for a tattoo and why? (It doesn't mean you'll have to make them in reality).
2.- Would you rather to jump in a bungee or do underwater diving? and why?
3.- For any reason, which is the strangest song you have listened? Do you still listen to it?
4.- What do you think its your main goal in life? If you have multiple of these, which one is the "main" one?
5.- From the Periodic table, which element is your favourite and why? =P
1.) I really, REALLY don't want one; I don't like tattoos at all and I don't think anything would look good on me anyway. The only ideas I can come up with involve appropriating someone else's culture anyway. :/
2.) Bungee-jumping! I think I've always wanted to do it (as well as skydiving and hang-gliding). It'd be a great adrenaline rush! I don't know how to swim anyway, and I'm slightly hydrophobic too. XDDDDDDDDDDD
3.) Pretty much anything by John Lennon and Yoko Ono when they collaborated -- I've heard some samples of their work, and that is some weird stuff right there. I also listened to a part of Karlheinz Stockhausen's "Gesang der Junglinge" yesterday. Of all the songs I still listen to on a semi-regular basis, the strangest one has got to be "Peking O" by Can (part 1, part 2). Can is one of my favorite bands, though not because of songs like that. :P
4.) Probably to live it well, I suppose. Which probably involves having a few close friends, traveling the world, cultivating a love of learning, and maybe doing a bit of activism or philanthropy or volunteer work. I'd still like to be a published novelist one day, though. :DDDDDDDDDDD
5.) I dunno, I really disliked chemistry class. >_>; If I had to pick one, though, it'd probably be cadmium, just because I did a report on it once and it doesn't get enough love. ~_^