Nomi Malone wants you to Step Up and Dance!
In my love of all things Bravo, I must express my excitement and eagerness over the upcoming show, Step Up and Dance. Now, this excitement is not due to the fact that it is another reality show in which the contestants possess actual talent (that's right, Make Me A Supermodel--walking is not talent, unless you are a paraplegic), but rather over the host(ess), Elizabeth Berkley.
At first I didn't register the name: Elizabeth Berkley . . . Elizabeth Berkley . . . Elizabeth Ber--oh right-- Nomi!
That's right--Nomi Malone, the young drifter determined to make her dream of dancing in Vegas a reality! in the fabulous movie, Showgirls. Though a few of you may recall Ms. Berkley from her minor role as Jessie Spano in the tv show Saved by the Bell, her breakout performance was in Showgirls, one of the greatest movies of all time.
After all, in what other film do you have a protagonist so talented that not only can she betray her best friend; shove her rival down a flight a stairs; sleep with production managers; and be so good at dancing that she "burns", but who also does her own nails? Don't even think--Showgirls is the only answer.
Ah, the life lessons I've learned from that movie. Did you know that an MA is just a degree you pick up in college, but is virtually useless in the real world? Personally, I am constantly forgetting, but Showgirls always reminds me of my folly. Or that you can't strip while on your period because you'll bleed all over the place? I once thought tampons took care of that problem, but I now realize that I need to lie on my back for four days and allow gravity to do its job. Oh my God, everybody got AIDS and shit!
And I shudder to think where my life would be without the greatest lesson of all--how to properly camouflage my nipples.
Now Nomi--excuse me, Ms. Berkley--will judge 12 individuals (including one Prince look-a-like) on their ability to dance in some variety of unexpected genres and settings. That's how it goes on Bravo, right? Participants are faced with situations designed to test them on real-life skills: today, you will be judged on your ability to dance Latin-fusion in a water tank with alligators!
As my basis of comparison for life is Showgirls, I first thought Ms. Berkley would teach these dancers secrets of the industry, such as taking bumps of blow before a performance or recipes including Doggie Chow, so I was honestly shocked to discover that Ms. Berkley is a trained dancer. I never--never--would have guessed.
What brings tears to my eyes, though, is that Ms. Berkley proudly includes Showgirls in her list of accomplishments. Bravo, Nomi--bravo, indeed.
Disclaimer: This same blog will be posted to Facebook and MySpace. I no longer have the creative energy to post three separate trains of thought.