Happy Birthday Carly
1984.
Twenty six years ago, around 4pm, I was sitting in my dining room in Kilsyth, counting my contractions. They were close. I said nothing to anyone. Mum was floating around chasing after little Brendan, Robert was on the back porch playing around with the latest building project. My baby was going to come, and I was not ready for this.
I was nervous. I didn't have God's reassurance that this one would be ok. Don't think about it.
Mum enters the room.. sees my face.. knows. She tells Robert, take her to the hospital. He is surprised but bundles me into the car.
We are driving toward the Swansea road roundabout. Now I'm SCARED. I tell him to drive around the roundabout and take me home, I'm not doing this. He doesn't. Bastard!!!! I am now PETRIFIED. I become angry with him that he did not take me home. Ohfuckohfuckohfuck every bump hurts hurts hurts
We get to the hospital, there's no time for prep, get her straight to the delivery room. Next door is a screamer. Great. Just what I need, not.
Dr Fox arrives, I abuse him for being late. I don't really mean it, but he has to know I'm scared, doesn't he know I'm so so frightened. I feel sick, I hurt, I'm alone, I'm afraid, I'm alone alone alone alone Ohhh god this hurts it's taking so long Ohhhh hurrryyyyy uuuuuuuup.
The baby's born, they take it over to the other side of the room. WHATS GOING ON???!!!! It's okay, they reassure me, she's a little blue, we just have to pink her up.
A girl!!! OMG My little GIRL!!!!
I say, oh thank god I don't have to have any more now.
Foxy says, I don't understand you women. You get it down to a fine art, and then stop.
I could hug and kiss him, he's so adorable.
Bring her bring her bring her bring her BRING HER!!!
They bring her. She is so so small, so red, so beautiful. Her little face is round, round... she's been sucking on her mouth because she has laugh lines. Her eyes are so BIG. Hang on shit she looks like ET! Hehehe she's mine all mine she's a she my little girl I've waited so long for you and here you are ohhh my baby my baby my girl. She. She is CARLY LUCY. Welcome to the world, child.
What will she look like when she's 20.
Oh Rob, we are so clever.
Mum brings in Brendan.. he's focused 100% on the packet of lollies Nanna has bought him. He's so adorable, my little Benjy. Look son, look... a sister for you to play with. I have my family. I have a son, I have a daughter. I am complete.
Life is wonderful.
God is great.
2009.
The year that was was indeed a year. A year of painful endings and new beginnings, of joy and sorrow, births and deaths and many much learnings.
My Carly Lucy has her own little son now, Ryan Stewart is 7 months and the most beautiful child on the planet along with my Brendan, Carly and Tammi.
Mum and Dad aren't here to welcome Ryan, they have been gone so long now. I miss their hugs and their laughter but their souls live on in me and my family. Now I am a Queenslander From Victoria, or is that a Victorian In Queensland? No matter. I am here, I am 51, I am alive, I am happy.
Carly, my Carly I want to tell you about my world, and how it is you want to know now, don't want to tell you it's a bad world, tell you that it's so so bad, don't want to disappoint you but this world is gonna take you gonna take you by storm child. You can bet that there will be pain, yeah, but there will be love just the same yeah. Welcome to the world my boy and girl, welcome to the world welcome to the world:
My greatest learning in the Year 2009 - being a woman can be such a bittersweet journey, it's been difficult... but I'm glad that's what I am on this Earthwalk. I've lived 51.5 years of interesting stuff... and I would not swap it for the all the money in this world. Some words of songs describe me and my journey... I'll see if I can remember some.
*Yummyyummyyummy I've got love in my tummy
*She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini that she wore for the first time that day... an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini and in the water she wanted to stay 2 3 4 tell the people what she wore
*So have a happy birthday baby I hope you're feelin fine.. now we'll have a real good time and I wish you happy birthday baby mine.
*I see a red door and I want it painted black no colours any more I want them to turn black I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes I have to turn my head until my darkness goes..
*A single bed, s-s-single bed - there ain't no room for your sweet head now ain't it a shame you missed the last train coz all I've got is a s-single bed.
*So pack your toys away your pretty boys away your 45s away your alibis away, your Spanish flies away, your one-more-tries away your old tie-dyes away you're moving out today! Can't help it the girl can't help it can't help it the girl can't help it get out of my house you dirty..
*Heathcliffe it's me I'm Cathy I've come home and I'm so cold
*Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane, I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye.. God it looks like Daniel must be the clouds in my eyes.
*Come child, come with me.. come and bounce onto this world and see. We all, we all we are bouncing on this big world ball - we are joy we are light, we are darkness and we are night, we are hands and heads and ears and nose we are feet fingers limbs and toes, we pull triggers, we play with guns, we play with shoelaces and we twist our tongues; we are kisses we are hugs.. we are the match that will light you off.
*She comes in colours everywhere she combs her hair she's like a rainbow, coming colours in the air oh everywhere she comes in colours. Have you seen her dressed in blue see the sky in front of you and her face is like a sail speck of white so fair and pale, have you seen the lady fairer.
*And I'm not supposed to call your name, you'd think by now I'd realize it.. But I can't hold back on these feelings inside and sometimes I want to shout 'em up to the sky. You're not supposed to be the one that I'm needing. But I'm not strong enough to do what I should do so I'll lust close my eyes and hold to the feeling until the next time - until the next time.
*How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading me down into my core. Wake me up wake me up inside wake me up I can't wake up wake me up inside call my name and save me from the dark! bid my blood to run before I come undone, save me from the nothing I've become.. Bring me to Life.
*You can bend but never break me and it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal. And I'll come back even stronger not a novice any longer until I make my brother understand. Oh yes I'm wise but it's wisdom borne of pain, yes I've paid the price but look how much I've gained if I had to I can do anything. I am strong I am invincible I am Woman.
*Why do you do it, why do you treat us so bad when you've got two kids who love you and a wife that's missing you bad. I've got to go now I've got to say goodbye, don't try to stop us now and please don't cry. Can't you see we've all been through it, it's all been said before.. before these tears fall how many years can I keep coming back for more? No more.
*Well hello there good old friend of mine you've been reaching for yourself for such a long time, there's so much to say no need to explain just an open door for you to come in from the rain from the rain.. And it looks like sunny skies now that I know you're alright. Time has left us older and wiser, I know I am. And it's good to know my best friend has come home again coz I think of us as an old cliche but it doesn't matter coz I love you anyway come in from the rain.
There ya go, my life in a few songs.
I am a new me since midnight, 1st January 2010. Three signs presented themselves to me within thirty seconds - one that said Leave The Ratrace; then on the stroke of midnight the traffic light turned green and I turned a corner to face another sign which said "Now Open". Wow, thanks Universe. I hear you.
Carly, my beautiful strong soft bendable breakable honest frustrating frustrated happy contented fed up excited blue eyed baby, what will your 2010 hold? My prayer for you is that it is filled to the brim With. Everything you want.
So have a happy birthday baby. I hope you're doin fine, now you have a real good time and I wish you Happy Birthday Baby Mine.
xx xx
xxxxxxx
xxxxx
xxx
x
Twenty six years ago, around 4pm, I was sitting in my dining room in Kilsyth, counting my contractions. They were close. I said nothing to anyone. Mum was floating around chasing after little Brendan, Robert was on the back porch playing around with the latest building project. My baby was going to come, and I was not ready for this.
I was nervous. I didn't have God's reassurance that this one would be ok. Don't think about it.
Mum enters the room.. sees my face.. knows. She tells Robert, take her to the hospital. He is surprised but bundles me into the car.
We are driving toward the Swansea road roundabout. Now I'm SCARED. I tell him to drive around the roundabout and take me home, I'm not doing this. He doesn't. Bastard!!!! I am now PETRIFIED. I become angry with him that he did not take me home. Ohfuckohfuckohfuck every bump hurts hurts hurts
We get to the hospital, there's no time for prep, get her straight to the delivery room. Next door is a screamer. Great. Just what I need, not.
Dr Fox arrives, I abuse him for being late. I don't really mean it, but he has to know I'm scared, doesn't he know I'm so so frightened. I feel sick, I hurt, I'm alone, I'm afraid, I'm alone alone alone alone Ohhh god this hurts it's taking so long Ohhhh hurrryyyyy uuuuuuuup.
The baby's born, they take it over to the other side of the room. WHATS GOING ON???!!!! It's okay, they reassure me, she's a little blue, we just have to pink her up.
A girl!!! OMG My little GIRL!!!!
I say, oh thank god I don't have to have any more now.
Foxy says, I don't understand you women. You get it down to a fine art, and then stop.
I could hug and kiss him, he's so adorable.
Bring her bring her bring her bring her BRING HER!!!
They bring her. She is so so small, so red, so beautiful. Her little face is round, round... she's been sucking on her mouth because she has laugh lines. Her eyes are so BIG. Hang on shit she looks like ET! Hehehe she's mine all mine she's a she my little girl I've waited so long for you and here you are ohhh my baby my baby my girl. She. She is CARLY LUCY. Welcome to the world, child.
What will she look like when she's 20.
Oh Rob, we are so clever.
Mum brings in Brendan.. he's focused 100% on the packet of lollies Nanna has bought him. He's so adorable, my little Benjy. Look son, look... a sister for you to play with. I have my family. I have a son, I have a daughter. I am complete.
Life is wonderful.
God is great.
2009.
The year that was was indeed a year. A year of painful endings and new beginnings, of joy and sorrow, births and deaths and many much learnings.
My Carly Lucy has her own little son now, Ryan Stewart is 7 months and the most beautiful child on the planet along with my Brendan, Carly and Tammi.
Mum and Dad aren't here to welcome Ryan, they have been gone so long now. I miss their hugs and their laughter but their souls live on in me and my family. Now I am a Queenslander From Victoria, or is that a Victorian In Queensland? No matter. I am here, I am 51, I am alive, I am happy.
Carly, my Carly I want to tell you about my world, and how it is you want to know now, don't want to tell you it's a bad world, tell you that it's so so bad, don't want to disappoint you but this world is gonna take you gonna take you by storm child. You can bet that there will be pain, yeah, but there will be love just the same yeah. Welcome to the world my boy and girl, welcome to the world welcome to the world:
My greatest learning in the Year 2009 - being a woman can be such a bittersweet journey, it's been difficult... but I'm glad that's what I am on this Earthwalk. I've lived 51.5 years of interesting stuff... and I would not swap it for the all the money in this world. Some words of songs describe me and my journey... I'll see if I can remember some.
*Yummyyummyyummy I've got love in my tummy
*She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini that she wore for the first time that day... an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini and in the water she wanted to stay 2 3 4 tell the people what she wore
*So have a happy birthday baby I hope you're feelin fine.. now we'll have a real good time and I wish you happy birthday baby mine.
*I see a red door and I want it painted black no colours any more I want them to turn black I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes I have to turn my head until my darkness goes..
*A single bed, s-s-single bed - there ain't no room for your sweet head now ain't it a shame you missed the last train coz all I've got is a s-single bed.
*So pack your toys away your pretty boys away your 45s away your alibis away, your Spanish flies away, your one-more-tries away your old tie-dyes away you're moving out today! Can't help it the girl can't help it can't help it the girl can't help it get out of my house you dirty..
*Heathcliffe it's me I'm Cathy I've come home and I'm so cold
*Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane, I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye.. God it looks like Daniel must be the clouds in my eyes.
*Come child, come with me.. come and bounce onto this world and see. We all, we all we are bouncing on this big world ball - we are joy we are light, we are darkness and we are night, we are hands and heads and ears and nose we are feet fingers limbs and toes, we pull triggers, we play with guns, we play with shoelaces and we twist our tongues; we are kisses we are hugs.. we are the match that will light you off.
*She comes in colours everywhere she combs her hair she's like a rainbow, coming colours in the air oh everywhere she comes in colours. Have you seen her dressed in blue see the sky in front of you and her face is like a sail speck of white so fair and pale, have you seen the lady fairer.
*And I'm not supposed to call your name, you'd think by now I'd realize it.. But I can't hold back on these feelings inside and sometimes I want to shout 'em up to the sky. You're not supposed to be the one that I'm needing. But I'm not strong enough to do what I should do so I'll lust close my eyes and hold to the feeling until the next time - until the next time.
*How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading me down into my core. Wake me up wake me up inside wake me up I can't wake up wake me up inside call my name and save me from the dark! bid my blood to run before I come undone, save me from the nothing I've become.. Bring me to Life.
*You can bend but never break me and it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal. And I'll come back even stronger not a novice any longer until I make my brother understand. Oh yes I'm wise but it's wisdom borne of pain, yes I've paid the price but look how much I've gained if I had to I can do anything. I am strong I am invincible I am Woman.
*Why do you do it, why do you treat us so bad when you've got two kids who love you and a wife that's missing you bad. I've got to go now I've got to say goodbye, don't try to stop us now and please don't cry. Can't you see we've all been through it, it's all been said before.. before these tears fall how many years can I keep coming back for more? No more.
*Well hello there good old friend of mine you've been reaching for yourself for such a long time, there's so much to say no need to explain just an open door for you to come in from the rain from the rain.. And it looks like sunny skies now that I know you're alright. Time has left us older and wiser, I know I am. And it's good to know my best friend has come home again coz I think of us as an old cliche but it doesn't matter coz I love you anyway come in from the rain.
There ya go, my life in a few songs.
I am a new me since midnight, 1st January 2010. Three signs presented themselves to me within thirty seconds - one that said Leave The Ratrace; then on the stroke of midnight the traffic light turned green and I turned a corner to face another sign which said "Now Open". Wow, thanks Universe. I hear you.
Carly, my beautiful strong soft bendable breakable honest frustrating frustrated happy contented fed up excited blue eyed baby, what will your 2010 hold? My prayer for you is that it is filled to the brim With. Everything you want.
So have a happy birthday baby. I hope you're doin fine, now you have a real good time and I wish you Happy Birthday Baby Mine.
xx xx
xxxxxxx
xxxxx
xxx
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