Arugh!!! the pit of despair.
Yeah, what else is new.
Actually I have been doing quite well lately.
Feeling pretty happy, relatively secure. We have
gotten a fair amount of things done around the house
and what not lately. Things looking good, feeling good,
feeling secure. I actually took Morgan to the park yesterday
morning, by myself. (a big step for me in some ways).
It was a good experience. Worked out well. Still have some
things to fine tune in the future, and my back was pretty sore...
but I want to start doing it every week as a regular thing.
I am not really sure about anything at all at the moment.
My husband actively ignored me sometime yesterday evening.
So I went crazy and now am in despair, again. _Yippie_
Apparently I provoked him in some way, and he kept ignoring
me and I swear I felt like I wanted to kill him.
Actually I just wanted him to not ignore me. To acknowlege
that he has some interest in me and what I say. Even just
to acknowlege I exist.
Actually I didn't REALLY lose it like I had described above,
until in finally responding, he accused me of just trying to
"start something" the whole time I was sitting there trying to
have a pleasant chat about stuff that needed chatting about.
That made me see red, feel murderous rage and conversely hurt
me very deeply. (ah happiness and security, I knew it couldn't last).
Yeah, looking back, I was trying to start something;
a conversation!
I give up. I think. Well anyway I would really like to because this is very tiring.
Usually I wouldn't write about something like this. My think is if you have a problem,
talk to the person. Don't blab, gossip, air your dirty laundry or whatever.
Hey, I'm just trying to maintain some sanity here.
The person here in question doesn't care to be talked to. I'd prefer with.
So I guess I will just do without.
Actually I have been doing quite well lately.
Feeling pretty happy, relatively secure. We have
gotten a fair amount of things done around the house
and what not lately. Things looking good, feeling good,
feeling secure. I actually took Morgan to the park yesterday
morning, by myself. (a big step for me in some ways).
It was a good experience. Worked out well. Still have some
things to fine tune in the future, and my back was pretty sore...
but I want to start doing it every week as a regular thing.
I am not really sure about anything at all at the moment.
My husband actively ignored me sometime yesterday evening.
So I went crazy and now am in despair, again. _Yippie_
Apparently I provoked him in some way, and he kept ignoring
me and I swear I felt like I wanted to kill him.
Actually I just wanted him to not ignore me. To acknowlege
that he has some interest in me and what I say. Even just
to acknowlege I exist.
Actually I didn't REALLY lose it like I had described above,
until in finally responding, he accused me of just trying to
"start something" the whole time I was sitting there trying to
have a pleasant chat about stuff that needed chatting about.
That made me see red, feel murderous rage and conversely hurt
me very deeply. (ah happiness and security, I knew it couldn't last).
Yeah, looking back, I was trying to start something;
a conversation!
I give up. I think. Well anyway I would really like to because this is very tiring.
Usually I wouldn't write about something like this. My think is if you have a problem,
talk to the person. Don't blab, gossip, air your dirty laundry or whatever.
Hey, I'm just trying to maintain some sanity here.
The person here in question doesn't care to be talked to. I'd prefer with.
So I guess I will just do without.