* This whole LJ is to Nick Simmons <3 *
* it feels like i cant go on anymore .. what a shitty day i had today :( well it wasnt that bad.. i was really happy the whole friggin day until 3:41 today..well the whole Jamie thing went really well i fricken love her to death and i need to tell her everything !! so ya @ 3:41 today NiCk <3 called me and i was oo i hope its good u know ?? HAHA SIKE !! well i know him soo damn well, so i go Nick whats wrong and he goes nothing and i go no nick whats wrong i know something is wrong and then he spilled the news..so i guess his GF ( Jill ) doesnt want us talking anymore because i dont know why lol so ya nick decides to tell me ya haleigh i dont think we can talk anymore WHAT ?? ya we just started talking like last week or this week i think.. but ya he told me that, but honestly be matture come on we are just freinds and honestly u have a problem with your own BF hanging out with a friend that u have problems and u guys really need to work on your relationship because it sounds to me like a PRETTY SHITTY ONE !!!!!!!! but ya really got upset about that one cried for about an 1 hour like usual so heather called me and wanted to go to the mall and go shopping and get something to eat so we did and that kinda made it better but not really because i got sick 2 times.. like nick gives me this feeling inside my body and it effects everything and i just get sick and cry its really bad and as heather says " hayy you got it bad " ya i got one of those boys who does this shit to me..i deffiently thought last night was going great and stuff and we talked for a half/hour so i thought everything was good but i guess not, but it seems like i cant go on with out him and i hate that feeling.. i dont want to go out.. i dont want to see my friends .. i dont wanna go to work .. i dont wanna drive .. i just plain dont wanna do anything !! i was shaking after all this shit happened.. what is wrong with me ?? am i crazy ?? i need Jamie to talk to but i just might cry.. why cant i breath when it talk about you ?? why are u always there ?? why are u always in my mind and all i talk about ?? I NEED TO MOVE ON but ist going to take a long time i know it.. maybe me and nick will talk in 2 years, 1 year who knows ?? why cant i breath whenever i think about you ?? i have soo many questions..i thought the best part of breaking up is finding someone else you cant get enough of ?? i want to go back to the summer JULY 3RD i want to go back to us..me and you !! really dont feel good right now, about to cry..im dying..i dont want to be living right now, i dont need to be here, someone take me away please !! because of you im afraid to love or get near someone else, but i dont want to, i just want to love you and only YOU, i've learned the hard way i guess, i find it so hard to trust me and everyone else, im afraid .. i cant cry because i know that is weakness in your eyes.. soo deep that i wanna say f*ck me, pretending is just how its going to be for a long time !! you are my beautiful disaster .. my world is caving in on me =( i dont know what he is after, please tell me, seems just like yesterday u were apart of my life, your arms around me tight, felt like nothing could go wrong, im torn into pieces, thought u were the one.. i wish i could say i love you and you say it back, im barley haning on.. do u remember our Taco Bell Packets ?? i love those and miss those..she will never be me or what we ever have !! for hateing you i blame myself, seeing you know with her kills me..i need to breakaway .. you brought out the best in me i was always happy and most of all you made me happy.. hpefully this isnt the end of all good memories !! you found me -- i wish this was all just a dream and everything was back to normal but its not !! Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.. sorry Jamie i had to steel it because it descibes what im going through..i just wanna run to him and hold him and say how sorry i am for all the shit that happened over summer and x-mas break..you never realize what u have until u lost it and i lost you.. let's be us again.. one more day with you i could, for the whole day i would spend with you oh my i would have so much to say im sick of talking on the phone lets be matture and say in in person huh ?? hope your happy with her :/ let me love you..our song -- my baby loves me just the way i am !! promise me that when we do get to talk again we will always say what is on our minds ?? everything sucks when your gone -- our fist song that we really herd together, rachel gave it to us hehe..im going crazy just thinking about you and what u are thinking..breaking down..baby if i ever get the chance to be with u again i will sacrafice anything and everything..i feel so weak without your touch..you left scars on me..i opened my heart to you and did it do anything to you NO !!i tear my heart open to you..my weakness is that i care to much..the scars remind me that the past is real.. you never realized how much you meant to me.. every breath you take, think of me.. i will remember you no matter what.. just be true.. i loved the way you laughed..i have our picture in my car..when you love someone you do anything and i would do anything for you..you feel it deep inside like i do.. you will do all the crazy things that u never imagined you would do..you will denie the truth and believe alot, there will be times where u just want to break down but please HOLD ON..nothing else will ever change my mind about..ya you all can call crazy about this whole LJ i just wrote but when you love someone this much you wil really do anything and just try and make them understand..i tried to be perfect for you but i guess it wasnt enough..no one believes me..i'veb been waiting allmy life to find someone like you..when you held me close it meant something to me, it just wasnt a regular hug..i've never had someone care about me as much as you did, for the first time i didnt feel alone..i just wanna sit with u under the stars and talk and kiss and hold you tight like i never want to ever let you go..you got it bad if u are feeling it deep inside..i dont want to let go of my past with you..another day with out your smile..now i know how much it means..the time apart will make our love grown stronger ?? i wanna be looking in your eyes when you are down.. there is not a day that goes on that i dont think of you..it hurts so abd i cant take it any longer.. when can i see you again ?? one sweet day i guess -- sorry i never told you, all i wanted to say is that i loved you..we belong together..you made me cry because i loved you..i coldnt sleep at night because i needed you..have you ever ?? i would do anything for him to understand..he stole my heart away..i wish i could make him feel the same..dont know what to say or where to start..i'll be there for you when u need me most.. its going to be a really rough next couple days and weeks for me, i need time to think and just think about what happened and what i did.. want to hang out and make me better well try ?? call me then but for now i dont feel good at all sick :/ and still crying :'( if u care leave me love but if not peace out
xOxOx* im outt love
.. leave me some love if u care ..
<3 love always hayy * babe --
* Tigers game on friday with Brett,Bri and Aaron..excited..nope not in the mood to do anything but im gonna go..work on thursday BOOOO !!