His heart has slowed down and his mind cleared enough that he can think straight again and step closer to the bed again. Lightning illuminates the room every once in a while, and he gets a glimpse of the figure of a guy on the bed - scrawny, in baggy clothes.
It takes a set of two more lightning strikes for Dean to realise that it's Cas. Cas, who is curled in on himself with his eyes open, staring into the darkness. Shivers wrack his body.
"Cas?"
The lightning reflects in Cas' eyes, making them impossibly blue. Impossibly wide. Thunder cracks; the boom of it all but shakes the hut. Glaring panic rolls off Cas in waves as he curls in on himself even tighter, knees coming up to his chin, arms around them. He shudders so hard the bed creaks.
Dean inches closer but stops when his knees hit the mattress. "What happened?"
The room is plunged into darkness again, and Dean barely hears Cas over the sound of the rain lashing against the window. He thinks he hears absinthe and mushrooms and Dean wants to reach out and shake the stupid bastard. "Five years and you still haven't figured out that you don't mix drugs, you idiot?"
Lightning throws Cas' face into sharp relief, showing clothes in disarray, sweaty, matted hair and blue irises that are being swallowed by the blackness of the pupils. Cas' lips move. Dean hears just needed and I'm falling and please, it's eating me alive and just need something to hold on to and he cannot, cannot stop what he does next. Can't even think about why these fragmented pleas twist his heart into something painful and compressed.
He climbs back on the bed, pulls Cas toward him and wraps his arms, his legs, his entire body around Cas' shivering form, just holding on until Cas finally goes limp against Dean, melting into the touch. Melting and then clinging again, like he did before when he woke Dean up, his fingers digging painfully in Dean's upper arms once more. Dean doesn't know how long it'll take until Cas rides out the trip. He knows he'll have bruises all over his arms tomorrow, but he doesn't care. Can't care because in this whole fucked up version of the future, with all their fucked up people, Cas is the one whose change hits Dean the hardest. Being there for him now feels like an active apology without words. An attempt to mend something his other self had broken.
Dean runs his hand through Cas sweat-matted hair, smells anise on Cas' breath and the sour stink of fear and pulls Cas closer still, feels Cas' heart beat first frantically, then more slowly against his own. Cas still flinches whenever thunder rumbles outside.
Dean holds onto Cas until he eventually stops shivering. Cas tunnels his hands underneath Dean's shirt and rests them against Dean's back. He breathes Dean in.
Dean doesn't know which version of him Cas is imagining.
He presses his face into the crook of Cas' bony shoulder and pretends it's him. Pretends that he has made a difference when Cas breath evens out into sleep.
The morning creeps in too early. Dean finds that he's reluctant to let go.
I'm really glad you liked it. Your prompt was with me for two days, it was the last thing I looked at before I went to sleep last night and this morning, on the train, there was just no more stemming the flow of writing.
No need to be afraid of stalking (which this really isn't): Friend away!
Ah, well, I'm very glad the idea caught your eye! Two days ruminating, eh? I'm somewhat unreasonably flattered. It's hardly a compliment when it's wholly the truth. ♥♥
aaaaaaaaaaaah YES THIS SO MUCH. God, f!Cas never fails to make me go ;________; but here you totally did an outstanding job with him. I just, this was so freaking beautiful I can't even, and the writing itself is gorgeous, too. And Dean wanting to apologize by being there, oh my heart. *sniffles* And the dialogue was so spot on for everyone. (And btw, Cas tripping and saying what he said was totally IC too, eeee. ;__;) In conclusion, I loved it. <33
Thank you so much for the lovely comment. I was a little afraid this piece would be too angsty for a fluff meme, but I'm glad you liked it anyway.
You can't help but wonder what would have happened to 5.04!Cas if his Dean had been a little less cold, a little less occupied with his own grief to see what was happening to Cas.
Thank you, dear! I have to admit that he broke my heart a little while writing this, too. I still cannot get over just how ... fragile he looked in that episode. Fragile, and a like a candle burning at both ends.
*Sobbing quietly* OMC, I don't even know what to comment. You and Janie broke me with those fic. Brb hugging a teddy bear since the world is cruel and I don't have a Cas to hug.
It takes a set of two more lightning strikes for Dean to realise that it's Cas. Cas, who is curled in on himself with his eyes open, staring into the darkness. Shivers wrack his body.
"Cas?"
The lightning reflects in Cas' eyes, making them impossibly blue. Impossibly wide. Thunder cracks; the boom of it all but shakes the hut. Glaring panic rolls off Cas in waves as he curls in on himself even tighter, knees coming up to his chin, arms around them. He shudders so hard the bed creaks.
Dean inches closer but stops when his knees hit the mattress. "What happened?"
The room is plunged into darkness again, and Dean barely hears Cas over the sound of the rain lashing against the window. He thinks he hears absinthe and mushrooms and Dean wants to reach out and shake the stupid bastard. "Five years and you still haven't figured out that you don't mix drugs, you idiot?"
Lightning throws Cas' face into sharp relief, showing clothes in disarray, sweaty, matted hair and blue irises that are being swallowed by the blackness of the pupils. Cas' lips move. Dean hears just needed and I'm falling and please, it's eating me alive and just need something to hold on to and he cannot, cannot stop what he does next. Can't even think about why these fragmented pleas twist his heart into something painful and compressed.
He climbs back on the bed, pulls Cas toward him and wraps his arms, his legs, his entire body around Cas' shivering form, just holding on until Cas finally goes limp against Dean, melting into the touch. Melting and then clinging again, like he did before when he woke Dean up, his fingers digging painfully in Dean's upper arms once more. Dean doesn't know how long it'll take until Cas rides out the trip. He knows he'll have bruises all over his arms tomorrow, but he doesn't care. Can't care because in this whole fucked up version of the future, with all their fucked up people, Cas is the one whose change hits Dean the hardest. Being there for him now feels like an active apology without words. An attempt to mend something his other self had broken.
Dean runs his hand through Cas sweat-matted hair, smells anise on Cas' breath and the sour stink of fear and pulls Cas closer still, feels Cas' heart beat first frantically, then more slowly against his own. Cas still flinches whenever thunder rumbles outside.
Dean holds onto Cas until he eventually stops shivering. Cas tunnels his hands underneath Dean's shirt and rests them against Dean's back. He breathes Dean in.
Dean doesn't know which version of him Cas is imagining.
He presses his face into the crook of Cas' bony shoulder and pretends it's him. Pretends that he has made a difference when Cas breath evens out into sleep.
The morning creeps in too early. Dean finds that he's reluctant to let go.
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Being there for him now feels like an active apology without words. An attempt to mend something his other self had broken.
I loved this whole story. Thank you!
Also, I'm totally friending you. Damn, I am in a stalker-ish mood.
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No need to be afraid of stalking (which this really isn't): Friend away!
And thank you for the lovely compliment.
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Done and done!
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You can't help but wonder what would have happened to 5.04!Cas if his Dean had been a little less cold, a little less occupied with his own grief to see what was happening to Cas.
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Brb hugging a teddy bear since the world is cruel and I don't have a Cas to hug.
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