Staying strong...or not.

[qtheallpowerful]

So, I was staying strong. Really. I wanted to cry every moment, but I kept it together, and smiled and no one was the wiser. After a bit I took my name tag off because having people stare at it and try and figure out how to say it, or ask me what my name is is very annoying and unhelpful when one wants to cry. Or worse, having people thank you by name, yay paranoia! Anyway, I took it off and kept on working doing alright with a plan for what to tell my boss when he asked about it. Anonymity as a defense mechanism. *nod* Well, he asked if I lost it, I said no, I took it off and when he asked why, I did not say what I had planed but instead that I was feeling overwhelmed and, well I do not remember all the things I said, but I ended with 'and now I am going to cry.' Cue crying. He told me I could go take a break and so away I went to hid behind the managers' station muttering many dammits under my breath and crying hysterically. This is not how things are supposed to go. *sigh* I cried for a bit and then got back up and went back to work. So... at least I bounce back quick, right? Boss said I could go take a break again but I told him I was ok. And, I kinda was. That tiny little one minute cry helped. I wanted to explain to him what is going on, but he was busy all the times I did not have customers, and had left by the time my shift was over. Alas, I shall have to do so another day. I no longer feel torn apart inside like *can't think of a good metaphore*, but kind of dull, empty and tired. *sigh* Empty is good...sorta. Anyway, I am able to accept my fathers help at this point I think. blarb. I need to eat, I have had no food all day except some coffee of tasty mintyness. But to have food, i must do dishes. *whine*

/giant paragraph of do0m