i'm blue da-bul-de-da-bul-daaa-dabuldedabulda-da-bul-de-da-bul-daaaaaaaa
Why do I feel so strange?
I had an enjoyable vacation with the boy and his parents. I worried a lot though. Apparently I can never stop worrying and just relax. I swear, I am going to die of a heart attack before I'm 25.
I just feel weird. I am freaking out about college. I leave in 18 days. Am I ready? Will I survive? Will I make it without David? I'll probably see him at the very least once every 2 weeks. While that isn't as bad as him being gone 5 weeks, it will be way different from the seeing him almost every day. Gawd, I sound pathetic. I'll be too busy to even notice. We'll both be too busy. Everything will be fine, anyway. We are positively perfect for each other, haha. I just have a good feeling about everything. Well, when I'm not worrying that is. I have been having a lot of dreams lately involving my death. Hmm. I hate crying and getting upset over little things. I messed up some story, thinking I was with someone else when I was actually with him. And I'm not as flexible as him, therefore not good enough for him. I laugh to loudly. I kept thinking his dad thinks I'm stupid and that I have way too many cats. I accidentally hurt him, but not really. I was stupid in the pool for not wanting to drown. I'm weird about eating. I laughed when no one else did during the movie. None of this matters. This is only showing how self-absorbed I am. I just keep focusing on my mistakes that no one even cares about. I keep talking about how I suck at the saxophone and they probably think I just want attention or that the only thing I can focus on is myself. ARGH! I HATE MYSELF! I need to chill out. But I CANNOT! It is impossible it seems. What is wrong with me? Holy crap. I need to just ... I don't know. I only have two weeks of summer left, and I have so much that I need to do and I'm sitting up at 11:12 at night writing on some stupid internet blog about stupid flaws that are so tiny and unimportant. What the dickens?! "Have a splendid night!" I love their family. I need to clip my fingernails. HOLY SCHITT! I'm going to be in freaking college holy crap holy crap what am I going to do I am going to PANIC, positively panic all of the time. ARGHHHHHHHHH. Okay okay I need to go to sleep right now. I have made up my mind to go to martial arts tomorrow morning, no matter how awkward I feel. I AM STUPID! Please someone just punch me in the face. Please please please someone just knock some sense into this rattled, ill-functioning, misguided, irregular brain of mine. Maybe none of this even exists. Exits. Egress. Fuck. What's important is what we make important. Remember that. Thinking about the entire world is too difficult at this point in time. I want to save it. I want to do something to help. But maybe its true that I have to help myself first? "I should have dropped out of high school when I had the chance" I said that earlier today. By the salad bar. Got issues? Am I getting enough protein? I'm worried about that. Oh vegetables. I gotta go sleep now. Baby-cakes. Mmmmm, baby-cakes, shock full of protein oh gawd the spawn of satan just kicked my innards. But I don't wanna give birth to the antichrist! Oh well. Quite so. Fancy! "Bitchin'!" "Good job" "WAH!" The boys are back in town? Isn't that a song? Remember a simpler time? When you could swing on a swing set and not worry about whether or not you will even want to be alive on this planet 20 years from now? Maybe this is supposed to happen though. Maybe this is some grand plan we don't know about, but its the devil who keeps a daily agenda. Who knows? Who cares? Lots of people, I spose. What if I never do anything good with my life? What if I become bitter and jaded about my first love, music, and end up in a cube. A zoo for the real animals. A lions roar can be heard in a 5 mile radius. Dr Spunky (or whatever) and Mountain Loin. Yes, Mountain Loin. Loin. Loins, as in where communism came from (according to Nixon). Oh wait, no, Capitalism came from the loins of Feudalism. Um, yeah. That is great. Let's just treat the serfs like shit. I'm probably getting this all mess up. But I was never much good at history. But thats okay, because that one guy lifts weights with his cat. He could pick up your entire family, which is all made out of meat. Those sharks on the magical box that makes sound and pictures were absolutely incredible! Wow! My whole perspective on sharks has changed. I know think they a very cuddly-wuddly. Cuddling! Is the best. But I'm glad he isn't a shark. SHARK ATTACK! Just tickle their nose and they go into tonic. Education television. Is like magick. Say what you mutha. I DON"T WANT TO GROW UP!
I don't want to grow up. I love all of you. Maybe the world needs a giant group hug as we spiral towards the sun and the tumble weeds done tumble by in a tumbly manner. It would be beautiful. Life IS beautiful. I know things are right and good when I see his smile, her smile, your smile, their smile, the strangers smile. Life is good because we can giggle over nothing and hug and learn and make music. Laugh a little bit. Laughing makes me not worry so much. Okay, I have typed way too much. Mucus. Kayak. Bob. More words need to be palindromes. That is the main problem. But actually, probably the lack of hugs. Go hug someone! NOW! Wake up your neighbors at 2 in the morning and give them a great big bear hug. Safety scissors. Pet rock. Construction paper. You win! Now go out into the world and do a dance. DANCE! DANCE! DANCE! It feels nice. Be nice to people. Life can be beautiful if you know how to look. Crap! I'm all whiny about my problems and then I get all weird and "inspirational." Please don't beat me up. What a lovely cat! Okay night time sleepy time dream time. Good night!
With love,
Anna, whose name is indeed a palindrome.
I had an enjoyable vacation with the boy and his parents. I worried a lot though. Apparently I can never stop worrying and just relax. I swear, I am going to die of a heart attack before I'm 25.
I just feel weird. I am freaking out about college. I leave in 18 days. Am I ready? Will I survive? Will I make it without David? I'll probably see him at the very least once every 2 weeks. While that isn't as bad as him being gone 5 weeks, it will be way different from the seeing him almost every day. Gawd, I sound pathetic. I'll be too busy to even notice. We'll both be too busy. Everything will be fine, anyway. We are positively perfect for each other, haha. I just have a good feeling about everything. Well, when I'm not worrying that is. I have been having a lot of dreams lately involving my death. Hmm. I hate crying and getting upset over little things. I messed up some story, thinking I was with someone else when I was actually with him. And I'm not as flexible as him, therefore not good enough for him. I laugh to loudly. I kept thinking his dad thinks I'm stupid and that I have way too many cats. I accidentally hurt him, but not really. I was stupid in the pool for not wanting to drown. I'm weird about eating. I laughed when no one else did during the movie. None of this matters. This is only showing how self-absorbed I am. I just keep focusing on my mistakes that no one even cares about. I keep talking about how I suck at the saxophone and they probably think I just want attention or that the only thing I can focus on is myself. ARGH! I HATE MYSELF! I need to chill out. But I CANNOT! It is impossible it seems. What is wrong with me? Holy crap. I need to just ... I don't know. I only have two weeks of summer left, and I have so much that I need to do and I'm sitting up at 11:12 at night writing on some stupid internet blog about stupid flaws that are so tiny and unimportant. What the dickens?! "Have a splendid night!" I love their family. I need to clip my fingernails. HOLY SCHITT! I'm going to be in freaking college holy crap holy crap what am I going to do I am going to PANIC, positively panic all of the time. ARGHHHHHHHHH. Okay okay I need to go to sleep right now. I have made up my mind to go to martial arts tomorrow morning, no matter how awkward I feel. I AM STUPID! Please someone just punch me in the face. Please please please someone just knock some sense into this rattled, ill-functioning, misguided, irregular brain of mine. Maybe none of this even exists. Exits. Egress. Fuck. What's important is what we make important. Remember that. Thinking about the entire world is too difficult at this point in time. I want to save it. I want to do something to help. But maybe its true that I have to help myself first? "I should have dropped out of high school when I had the chance" I said that earlier today. By the salad bar. Got issues? Am I getting enough protein? I'm worried about that. Oh vegetables. I gotta go sleep now. Baby-cakes. Mmmmm, baby-cakes, shock full of protein oh gawd the spawn of satan just kicked my innards. But I don't wanna give birth to the antichrist! Oh well. Quite so. Fancy! "Bitchin'!" "Good job" "WAH!" The boys are back in town? Isn't that a song? Remember a simpler time? When you could swing on a swing set and not worry about whether or not you will even want to be alive on this planet 20 years from now? Maybe this is supposed to happen though. Maybe this is some grand plan we don't know about, but its the devil who keeps a daily agenda. Who knows? Who cares? Lots of people, I spose. What if I never do anything good with my life? What if I become bitter and jaded about my first love, music, and end up in a cube. A zoo for the real animals. A lions roar can be heard in a 5 mile radius. Dr Spunky (or whatever) and Mountain Loin. Yes, Mountain Loin. Loin. Loins, as in where communism came from (according to Nixon). Oh wait, no, Capitalism came from the loins of Feudalism. Um, yeah. That is great. Let's just treat the serfs like shit. I'm probably getting this all mess up. But I was never much good at history. But thats okay, because that one guy lifts weights with his cat. He could pick up your entire family, which is all made out of meat. Those sharks on the magical box that makes sound and pictures were absolutely incredible! Wow! My whole perspective on sharks has changed. I know think they a very cuddly-wuddly. Cuddling! Is the best. But I'm glad he isn't a shark. SHARK ATTACK! Just tickle their nose and they go into tonic. Education television. Is like magick. Say what you mutha. I DON"T WANT TO GROW UP!
I don't want to grow up. I love all of you. Maybe the world needs a giant group hug as we spiral towards the sun and the tumble weeds done tumble by in a tumbly manner. It would be beautiful. Life IS beautiful. I know things are right and good when I see his smile, her smile, your smile, their smile, the strangers smile. Life is good because we can giggle over nothing and hug and learn and make music. Laugh a little bit. Laughing makes me not worry so much. Okay, I have typed way too much. Mucus. Kayak. Bob. More words need to be palindromes. That is the main problem. But actually, probably the lack of hugs. Go hug someone! NOW! Wake up your neighbors at 2 in the morning and give them a great big bear hug. Safety scissors. Pet rock. Construction paper. You win! Now go out into the world and do a dance. DANCE! DANCE! DANCE! It feels nice. Be nice to people. Life can be beautiful if you know how to look. Crap! I'm all whiny about my problems and then I get all weird and "inspirational." Please don't beat me up. What a lovely cat! Okay night time sleepy time dream time. Good night!
With love,
Anna, whose name is indeed a palindrome.