CURIOSITY
Title: Curiosity
Author: qrn
Character: Kikwang
Pairing: KiWoon
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Curiosity kills the cat.
Author's Notes: In need of some KiWoon love <333 This story was inspired by a really, really old manga of one-shots I read a long time ago (if only I knew the title T____T). It's a bit dark (probably too dark for some people) & long, but I hope you guys like it ^^ Feedbacks & comments are welcome, as always. Enjoy!
"Look, just come along, alright?"
Lee Kikwang was lying on the bed. "It'll be awkward." It was the same reply he'd been giving the other guy for the past half an hour.
"It's much better than staying home all day." His friend, Lee Hongki, looked around the messy bedroom.
"I'm still not going."
"Come on, Kikwang-ah, don't tell me you're not going to talk to Hyunseung ever again." Hongki was referring to the (almost tragic) break-up Kikwang had with Jang Hyunseung, their senior at college. "It's been two weeks, you know."
Kikwang pulled up the blanket over his head. "He had been two-timing me when we were going out!" He was angry, jealous, and hurt at the same time. "It was too cruel."
"He wasn't two-timing you--" Hongki was about to argue, but Kikwang wasn't finished.
"He dumped me, then a few days later asked HyunA to be his girlfriend," he clenched his teeth at the remembrance of the sudden betrayal. "Don't you think that's too much of a coincidence? Obviously, they'd been seeing each other behind my back!"
"And why are you avoiding him?" Hongki frowned. "It wasn't your fault, you didn't know... I-I mean, who would've known that he is into girls, too," he added uneasily.
It's so... embarrassing. Kikwang closed his eyes. Losing my first love over a girl. They barely lasted four months.
Hongki sighed. "It'll be fun." He placed his hands on his hip. "Everyone else is going, so come on!"
"No!" Kikwang said stubbornly. "I don't care if they laugh or talk bad about me. Count me out." I can't look at them... I just can't. "Tell them I'm not feeling good today."
"Fine!" His friend finally gave up. "Don't blame me if Jinki spams you with angry text messages tonight. He's the one who suggested that you should come today, because you've been isolating yourself at home for quite a while."
Kikwang didn't reply. He knew that he might seem brave if he did join them for the day, even with Hyunseung there... but he was far too upset.
Hongki shook his head. "Well, take care." Then he left.
Taking a deep breath, Kikwang hugged his pillow closer. I don't want to think about it. He bit his lips. Jang Hyunseung, how could you?
He couldn't forget what he said on that awful day.
"...I think we're better off as friends."
The words hurt Kikwang so much; he never expected it. And to make matters worse, HyunA had apologised to him.
"I'm so sorry... I'm sorry."
At that time, Kikwang didn't know what she meant. A few days after, he learned that they were going out.
And just like that, he lost both his boyfriend and friend on the same day.
So this is what heartbreak feels like.
He didn't know that there was the matter of winning or losing in love. He was used to having crushes and going on casual dates, but Hyunseung was the first person he actually fell in love with.
I should have known better.
But he couldn't stay mad at HyunA, either; rather, he was more angry at the Hyunseung, who was obviously not being honest with him during the course of their relationship. It had nothing to do with his sexual orientation (he'd always suspected Hyunseung to be bi anyways), but the fact that Hyunseung cheated on him with his friend made him regret a lot of things.
Was it because I didn't call him everyday? Was it because I didn't force himself to meet up with him even though I knew he was busy? He buried his head in the pillow. Or was it because I always said no when he wanted to have sex?
Or it could be any other reason not listed above.
He was the one who told me he liked me first! And in only a matter of four months, he already liked someone else.
The point was, Kikwang wasn't sure why he was dumped.
Although I still can't believe how HyunA would do this to me, he thought. I've known her way before I met Hyunseung. It was true that he'd invited HyunA to some of his dates with Hyunseung, but of course that was to make the two know each other better--after all, they were both close to him.
Suddenly his mother's voice echoed from downstairs. "Kikwang-ah! You need to stop being depressed and go out for once!"
"No!" Kikwang yelled back.
He heard loud footsteps, and the next thing he knew, his mother was standing by the door with a spatula. "All you've been doing this summer is locking yourself in your room and sulking." He swore he could see horns poking out of her head. "I can't let my son become an emo over some stupid break-up." She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Go out to the beach or something. It's the holidays, for Pete's sake."
"But--"
"No buts," she held up a finger. "So I heard from your friend that the only reason you didn't want to go to Lotte World with the others is because Hyunseung will be there as well. Well, I see no reason not to go out to other places."
Kikwang frowned. Hongki can be such a blabbermouth sometimes.
---
He sat on a bench in the park, looking at some people skateboarding and b-boying. Then he let out a sigh.
Get a grip of yourself, Lee Kikwang.
He knew his mother (and basically everyone) was right: he needed to stop crying over it. It was all in the past, and he needed to move on. Of course it would be really hard, but at least he needed to try.
"That's it!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. You need to get a new boyfriend, he told himself. So you can act like you don't care if you bump into those two on the streets.
As he started to think about the plan, he saw a figure approaching him. He looked up, shading his eyes from the bright sunlight.
"Hey."
The person was really tall, with a lean body and sharp, almost foreign features. His dark mahogany-colored hair was cropped short, but it suited him well. He was wearing a striped V-neck shirt and simple, blue jeans. With his hands in his pockets, he looked like a model (a very good-looking one).
"...Hey," was all Kikwang managed to say back.
"Do you mind if I sit here?"
"No, no, go ahead."
The guy smiled, and sat down. "On your own today?"
"Oh... y-yeah, just wanted to get some fresh air." Kikwang looked on the ground. "What about you?"
"My friends are over there," he said, pointing at the group of skateboarders. "It's a bit too hot for me, so I told them I'll just watch."
Kikwang mouthed "Oh", nodding.
"I'm Dongwoon. What's your name?"
Why is he suddenly asking for my name? Nevertheless, he replied anyways, "Kikwang."
Dongwoon grinned (Kikwang found it very charming). "I've never really seen you hanging around here."
That's because I don't. "I don't usually come here," Kikwang said. "But I haven't been out for a while, so I thought..." Suddenly his head started to hurt.
"I see," Dongwoon said, still smiling. "Me and my mates are always here everyday. Takes some stress of school, you know?"
School? "You... you're still in high school?" Kikwang asked, surprised. He certainly doesn't look like it!
Dongwoon laughed. "I look too old, don't I?"
He's a bit young for me, Kikwang thought, slightly disappointed. Then he rubbed his temple in pain, slowly feeling sick in the stomach.
"Are you okay?"
I should've eaten something before I came here. He hadn't had much appetite these past few weeks. "I'm fi--" Everything started to spin. Maybe not.
"Feeling better now?"
Kikwang nodded quietly, enjoying the air conditioner blow softly on his face.
Dongwoon entered the car and sat in front of the steering wheel. "It's nice and cool in here." In his hands were two cold cans of juice, presumably bought from a nearby vending machine. He gave one to Kikwang. "Here you go."
"Thanks." I didn't expect this kid would have his own car, Kikwang thought, opening the can and sipped it. Although it's a plain Daihatsu, it still says something. "I'm sorry for bothering you."
"It's okay, I already told the others that I'm going home early," Dongwoon said, starting up the car.
What? Kikwang nearly choked on his drink. Where are we going? He looked at the automatically locked doors, suddenly panicked.
As if reading his mind, Dongwoon added, "Before I drop you off, we need to get something to eat."
He just wants to have lunch together. Kikwang tried not to let Dongwoon see his relieved expression. Nothing weird is gonna happen. He reassured himself that he wasn't going to get kidnapped (or raped--this kid might not even be gay); it was just a friendly lunch offer.
"People who get heat strokes should eat enough," Dongwoon said again with a smile.
He's very kind.
"Just here, thanks."
The car stopped. Kikwang opened the door, mumbled a quick "Thank you" and got out of the car. Before he walked back to the house, Dongwoon handed him a piece of folded paper.
"Here's my number," the guy said. "You can call me anytime you need someone to talk to." With a quick wave, he drove off.
I didn't even ask for his number... Kikwang glanced at the paper, astonished. We've only just met.
During lunch, he had found out a few more things about Dongwoon: he was an only child, he lived alone, and his hobby was taking photos (he wanted to be a professional photographer). When Kikwang told him that he was at college, the high-schooler jokingly said he looked like they were the same age. Kikwang only told him briefly about Hyunseung--he didn't want to reveal as much as it was a painful story--but he sat there and actually listened. Even more surprising, he insisted on paying for the bill; he was such a good person.
But one thing's for sure: Dongwoon is indeed gay.
---
The next morning, Kikwang received a call from Jinki (that was expected). "Where the hell were you yesterday!?"
"I was home," Kikwang replied shortly, his eyes still focused on the TV.
"You liar!" The voice on the other line yelled. "Jonghyun said he saw you with some guy at Tony's!"
Uh-oh. "Jonghyun? Didn't he go with you guys to the amusement park?"
"He promised to accompany Kibum shopping. You know scary Kibum is when he doesn't get what he wants," Jinki said. "Anyway, that's not the point! So what the heck were you doing, ditching your friends for some guy?"
"No, you got it all wrong!" Kikwang lowered his voice when he saw his father glare at him from the couch. "We just met at the park, and suddenly he asked me out to lunch."
He could hear Jinki scoff. "Yeah, right. And you lied to Hongki about wanting to stay in bed all day because of Hyunseung!"
"It was true! I wanted to stay at home but my mum complained about me not having gone out for a while... so I took a walk in the park, and while I was sitting down that guy just suddenly approached me!"
"...Really?"
"Really!"
There was a pause before Jinki continued hesitantly. "That sounds fishy... but whatever. So, who's he?"
I knew that he just wanted to hear details. Sighing, Kikwang replied, "Some high school student."
Suddenly Jinki burst into laughter. "High school? Gee, Lee Kikwang, I never knew you were that type."
"He came on to me first!" Come to think about it, that kid was pretty brave.
"Yeah, what did you do to him? Winking at him while he was hanging around with his friends?"
"I didn't!"
"Okay, okay. I believe you. So... what's next?"
Kikwang blinked. "He gave me his number."
"Oooh! And then? You're gonna meet up with him? When's your next date?"
One question at a time, doofus. "I don't know..." Kikwang scratched his head.
"Is he good-looking? Which celebrity does he look like?"
Kikwang didn't want to be bombarded by questions in the morning. "Gotta go!"
"Yah! Ki--"
Kikwang hung up. Wait... He walked to his room lazily. Should I call him first? For Kikwang, it was probably the first time he'd ever call a guy--in his previous relationship, it was always Hyunseung who'd call first (which he regretted). He grabbed the piece of paper from the desk. Why am I so nervous? Since he gave his number, that should mean it's okay to call him.
Kikwang wanted to change for the better.
Dongwoon was leaning on his car, hands in his pockets (somehow it had become his trademark cool pose). He was wearing a T-shirt with simple design, and skinny jeans. When he saw Kikwang, his face lit up.
"Hey."
Kikwang smiled back. "Hey."
"Didn't expect you'd call me so soon," Dongwoon said with a laugh once they were inside the car. "So, where do you want to go today?"
Not the beach, Kikwang thought. I don't want to get a heat stroke again. "Um... I don't know."
"How about the shopping centre?" the tall guy offered. "It's cool in there and we can have a walk around, then lunch."
Sounds good. "Yeah!"
"You're very agreeable, huh," Dongwoon chuckled, then added, "Hyung."
Somehow the word made Kikwang feel uncomfortable. Indeed, he'd never been with guys younger than him; it was always the same age or older, and back then, he'd always called Hyunseung "oppa". So naturally, he didn't know how to react when Dongwoon called him that.
But... what am I thinking? We're not even a couple yet!
For the next few minutes Kikwang stared out of the window, looking at the people and buildings passing by. I've never gone on dates with a car before, he thought. With Hyunseung, it was always with public transport; even though it felt more relaxed, he had always wondered what it would be like if either he or Hyunseung had a car.
Suddenly Dongwoon interrupted his thoughts. "What would you be doing if you weren't out with me today?"
"Ah... I'd be watching TV or playing games." That's so boring.
"Games? What games?"
"Xbox 360."
"I play that, too!" Dongwoon said enthusiastically, as if happy to know that he and Kikwang shared something in common. "I still can't finish Dead Space."
The next few topics revolved around childhood memories, parents' occupation, and just random things. Kikwang found out that Dongwoon used to live in the Philippines, and his father was some professor at a university. They laughed a lot (Dongwoon was a very humorous guy), and there was never a moment when they had nothing to talk about.
He makes me feel so relaxed, Kikwang thought happily. This is probably the first time I've ever felt like that in a date.
Dongwoon pulled up in front of Kikwang's house. "Here you go."
"Thanks!" He's so well-mannered, friendly, and interesting. "I had a great time today."
As Kikwang was about to open the door, the tall guy leaned over and...
...kissed him on the lips.
It took Kikwang by huge surprise--but he didn't push Dongwoon away or anything. It was soft, and felt good.
To his surprise, Dongwoon broke the kiss off. "You're welcome to come over my place anytime," he said, smiling.
As the car disappeared around the corner, Kikwang touched his lips slowly. He could still feel the warm kiss.
So this is what it feels like to date someone younger than you, he thought. To be honest, he didn't expect such quick progression after only eight days (yes, he counted)--especially by a mere high school student.
And those words rang in his ear.
"...Come over my place anytime."
Kikwang opened the front door. He's inviting me to his place, so I have to go. "I'm home!" There's no reason not to. He figured if he hesitated and refused, it'd end up like how it was with Hyunseung. Besides, didn't I want to get a new boyfriend? No matter what happened, he had to maintain his relationship with Dongwoon. Maybe I can start anew with him...
Kikwang was glad he'd called Dongwoon and spent the day together.
---
"...Your first time?"
Kikwang leaned against the pillow, his back facing Dongwoon. "Yeah." So that's what sex is like. Judging from how good it was for him, it was clear Dongwoon had done it a few times before.
"Oh..."
He couldn't see Dongwoon's face, but somehow his voice sounded monotonous. They didn't exchange another word after that.
Maybe I shouldn't have said it was my first time.
Kikwang stood outside the apartment. "Thanks."
Dongwoon was standing by the door, giving him a thin smile.
Before he forgot, Kikwang asked, "When will I see you again?"
"I've got exams coming up," the other replied. "I'll be busy for a while." From the way he said it, Kikwang assumed that he didn't want them to meet up.
He was disappointed. "Oh... I see." What were you thinking? Of course he has exams--he's still in high school!
"See ya," Dongwoon said.
Kikwang nodded. "I'll call you."
Dongwoon didn't say anything.
As Kikwang was walking home (he didn't want to bother Dongwoon to drop him off again--besides, the apartment wasn't too far from where he lived), he began to feel uneasy. But for him to suddenly not wanting to meet up... did I do something wrong? Is he going to leave me? Then he clenched his fists. No! Stop thinking like that, Lee Kikwang! He took a deep breath. If he said he's going to be busy, then that means he really is busy! He couldn't have lied! he reassured himself.
"I'll be busy for a while."
Kikwang kicked a rock on the ground. For a while... he pondered. How long will that be?
---
It had been a week, and Dongwoon had kept his promise by not calling at all.
Should I call him? Kikwang contemplated. Is one week long enough? He didn't want to repeat the same mistake with Hyunseung because of the lack of communication.
So he dialled the number.
It got through, and a weak voice replied from the other line. "Hello...?"
He doesn't sound good. "Hey, it's me. Are you... are you alright?" Kikwang asked, worried. "What are you doing now?"
"Just sleeping... I caught a cold."
So that's what it is. "You've taken some meds?"
"Yeah, a few hours ago..."
"Have you eaten?"
"A little... um, I'm a bit sleepy now, so..."
You woke him up, idiot! "Oh... okay, I see. Sorry to disturb you, get well soon."
"Thanks, bye..."
He's got cold, Kikwang thought as he placed his phone on the floor. And he lives alone... will he be okay?
Exactly four hours after their last conversation, Kikwang was there in front of Dongwoon's door, located on the first floor.
Carrying a plastic bag of food in one hand, he saw the high-schooler outside the door, putting on his shoes. "Where are you off to?"
Dongwoon turned around. "Just buying some food... nothing important, really," he said with a casual shrug.
"Glad I came here on time!" Kikwang smiled. "I bought you some soup and other food." He showed the bag.
"You didn't have to--" Dongwoon was surprised.
"Come on, you need some rest," Kikwang said as they went inside.
---
The next day, Kikwang woke up later than usual. He glanced at the clock on his bedroom wall. 10:25AM.
I wonder if he slept well? Although he was glad that Dongwoon let him take care of him when he was sick (it really felt as if they were a couple!), he was still worried. He picked up his phone and dialled Dongwoon's number. I need to make sure nothing happens to him.
No one picked up.
Is he okay? he thought. When he left the apartment yesterday, Dongwoon seemed better. Should I bring some food over?
He pressed the bell.
Nobody answered.
He pressed a few times.
Still, no sign of anyone inside.
Is he sleeping? he wondered. Maybe he's still sick. Curious, Kikwang took out his phone and dialled Dongwoon's number.
"...the number you are trying to reach is currently switched off..."
Kikwang hung up. He turned it off... maybe he really wants to get some rest.
He left the bag of oranges in front of the door, and went home.
---
Should I call him again?
A few days later, Dongwoon still hadn't returned his calls.
Did he eat the oranges I gave him?
Kikwang tried calling again, but the same polite, female voice greeted him and told him the number was unavailable.
Why? He lied down on the bed. Why isn't he picking up? Is he trying to tell me it's over? He tried to go to the apartment earlier that morning, but no one seemed to be inside, so he went home again.
He closed his eyes, and Dongwoon's words echoed in his mind.
"Feeling better now?"
"Here's my number."
"You're welcome to come over my place anytime."
Although short, but it hurt even more than his break-up. Could I have fallen in love with this high school kid? Kikwang remembered the smile and laughter they shared. Just because I wanted to get even with Hyunseung and HyunA, I...
"...Your first time?"
He hugged the pillow tightly. I'm so stupid, thinking everything will go smoothly. He had suspected that it was too good to be true that he could start a new relationship just like that. But there was still one percent chance that we could make things work. Looking at his lifeless phone, Kikwang bit his lips anxiously. If he really did want to end it, then why didn't he say so?
Suddenly he felt angry. He really is a kid after all, he thought. He had no courage to tell me the truth. At least Hyunseung was able to tell him honestly he wanted to break up; owning a car and living on his own didn't make Dongwoon any more mature.
I have to end this stupid love game.
So there Kikwang was, once again, standing in front of the apartment. It's now or never, he told himself.
He rang the bell again. Of course, it was useless.
Swallowing nervously, he glanced at the air conditioner fan mounted next to the window.
Kikwang held his breath.
It's running.
The curtains were shut, but he could hear the noise of air conditioning inside.
He can't be out.
He dialled Dongwoon's number using his mother's phone that he had borrowed.
As expected, nobody picked up--but he could hear a ringing sound from behind the door.
He's inside and avoiding me.
Letting the phone ring, Kikwang sat down in front of the door. Maybe he really hates me now, he thought, resting his head on his knees. But I need to at least hear it from himself. Without knowing, he drifted off to sleep.
It was an awfully hot day, and he woke up feeling sick again. How long did I fall asleep for? He looked around, and saw no signs of anyone. This place is dead quiet, he thought, and looked up at the still doorknob. Is he really out?
Suddenly he heard the door opening slowly.
Maybe he...
As he turned around, he saw a glimpse of a hand--before he knew it, he was pulled inside. The door was shut behind him.
Kikwang didn't have the time to realise what had happened when he felt a thin rope around his neck.
Dongwoon wiped his sweat, huffing.
"How stupid..." he said, using his foot to even out the mound. "If I said I'm busy, it means it's over!" He dropped the shovel. "As a college student, you're used to playing around, right? If you were a nice person I thought you were, you should've understood when I stopped picking up your calls!" Panting, he went around the building and walked back inside the apartment. He took off his shoes, which were covered in dirt. "So annoying..."
He grabbed a can of juice from the fridge, running one hand through his hair. "Why am I only surrounded by these stalking whores?"
Suddenly his phone rang. Collecting his breath, he picked it up. "Hyunseung-hyung? Yeah, I took care of him. Really, he was such a pain."
Throwing the empty can to the bin filled with oranges, he took one last look at the three burial mounds outside the window.
Author: qrn
Character: Kikwang
Pairing: KiWoon
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Curiosity kills the cat.
Author's Notes: In need of some KiWoon love <333 This story was inspired by a really, really old manga of one-shots I read a long time ago (if only I knew the title T____T). It's a bit dark (probably too dark for some people) & long, but I hope you guys like it ^^ Feedbacks & comments are welcome, as always. Enjoy!
"Look, just come along, alright?"
Lee Kikwang was lying on the bed. "It'll be awkward." It was the same reply he'd been giving the other guy for the past half an hour.
"It's much better than staying home all day." His friend, Lee Hongki, looked around the messy bedroom.
"I'm still not going."
"Come on, Kikwang-ah, don't tell me you're not going to talk to Hyunseung ever again." Hongki was referring to the (almost tragic) break-up Kikwang had with Jang Hyunseung, their senior at college. "It's been two weeks, you know."
Kikwang pulled up the blanket over his head. "He had been two-timing me when we were going out!" He was angry, jealous, and hurt at the same time. "It was too cruel."
"He wasn't two-timing you--" Hongki was about to argue, but Kikwang wasn't finished.
"He dumped me, then a few days later asked HyunA to be his girlfriend," he clenched his teeth at the remembrance of the sudden betrayal. "Don't you think that's too much of a coincidence? Obviously, they'd been seeing each other behind my back!"
"And why are you avoiding him?" Hongki frowned. "It wasn't your fault, you didn't know... I-I mean, who would've known that he is into girls, too," he added uneasily.
It's so... embarrassing. Kikwang closed his eyes. Losing my first love over a girl. They barely lasted four months.
Hongki sighed. "It'll be fun." He placed his hands on his hip. "Everyone else is going, so come on!"
"No!" Kikwang said stubbornly. "I don't care if they laugh or talk bad about me. Count me out." I can't look at them... I just can't. "Tell them I'm not feeling good today."
"Fine!" His friend finally gave up. "Don't blame me if Jinki spams you with angry text messages tonight. He's the one who suggested that you should come today, because you've been isolating yourself at home for quite a while."
Kikwang didn't reply. He knew that he might seem brave if he did join them for the day, even with Hyunseung there... but he was far too upset.
Hongki shook his head. "Well, take care." Then he left.
Taking a deep breath, Kikwang hugged his pillow closer. I don't want to think about it. He bit his lips. Jang Hyunseung, how could you?
He couldn't forget what he said on that awful day.
"...I think we're better off as friends."
The words hurt Kikwang so much; he never expected it. And to make matters worse, HyunA had apologised to him.
"I'm so sorry... I'm sorry."
At that time, Kikwang didn't know what she meant. A few days after, he learned that they were going out.
And just like that, he lost both his boyfriend and friend on the same day.
So this is what heartbreak feels like.
He didn't know that there was the matter of winning or losing in love. He was used to having crushes and going on casual dates, but Hyunseung was the first person he actually fell in love with.
I should have known better.
But he couldn't stay mad at HyunA, either; rather, he was more angry at the Hyunseung, who was obviously not being honest with him during the course of their relationship. It had nothing to do with his sexual orientation (he'd always suspected Hyunseung to be bi anyways), but the fact that Hyunseung cheated on him with his friend made him regret a lot of things.
Was it because I didn't call him everyday? Was it because I didn't force himself to meet up with him even though I knew he was busy? He buried his head in the pillow. Or was it because I always said no when he wanted to have sex?
Or it could be any other reason not listed above.
He was the one who told me he liked me first! And in only a matter of four months, he already liked someone else.
The point was, Kikwang wasn't sure why he was dumped.
Although I still can't believe how HyunA would do this to me, he thought. I've known her way before I met Hyunseung. It was true that he'd invited HyunA to some of his dates with Hyunseung, but of course that was to make the two know each other better--after all, they were both close to him.
Suddenly his mother's voice echoed from downstairs. "Kikwang-ah! You need to stop being depressed and go out for once!"
"No!" Kikwang yelled back.
He heard loud footsteps, and the next thing he knew, his mother was standing by the door with a spatula. "All you've been doing this summer is locking yourself in your room and sulking." He swore he could see horns poking out of her head. "I can't let my son become an emo over some stupid break-up." She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Go out to the beach or something. It's the holidays, for Pete's sake."
"But--"
"No buts," she held up a finger. "So I heard from your friend that the only reason you didn't want to go to Lotte World with the others is because Hyunseung will be there as well. Well, I see no reason not to go out to other places."
Kikwang frowned. Hongki can be such a blabbermouth sometimes.
---
He sat on a bench in the park, looking at some people skateboarding and b-boying. Then he let out a sigh.
Get a grip of yourself, Lee Kikwang.
He knew his mother (and basically everyone) was right: he needed to stop crying over it. It was all in the past, and he needed to move on. Of course it would be really hard, but at least he needed to try.
"That's it!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. You need to get a new boyfriend, he told himself. So you can act like you don't care if you bump into those two on the streets.
As he started to think about the plan, he saw a figure approaching him. He looked up, shading his eyes from the bright sunlight.
"Hey."
The person was really tall, with a lean body and sharp, almost foreign features. His dark mahogany-colored hair was cropped short, but it suited him well. He was wearing a striped V-neck shirt and simple, blue jeans. With his hands in his pockets, he looked like a model (a very good-looking one).
"...Hey," was all Kikwang managed to say back.
"Do you mind if I sit here?"
"No, no, go ahead."
The guy smiled, and sat down. "On your own today?"
"Oh... y-yeah, just wanted to get some fresh air." Kikwang looked on the ground. "What about you?"
"My friends are over there," he said, pointing at the group of skateboarders. "It's a bit too hot for me, so I told them I'll just watch."
Kikwang mouthed "Oh", nodding.
"I'm Dongwoon. What's your name?"
Why is he suddenly asking for my name? Nevertheless, he replied anyways, "Kikwang."
Dongwoon grinned (Kikwang found it very charming). "I've never really seen you hanging around here."
That's because I don't. "I don't usually come here," Kikwang said. "But I haven't been out for a while, so I thought..." Suddenly his head started to hurt.
"I see," Dongwoon said, still smiling. "Me and my mates are always here everyday. Takes some stress of school, you know?"
School? "You... you're still in high school?" Kikwang asked, surprised. He certainly doesn't look like it!
Dongwoon laughed. "I look too old, don't I?"
He's a bit young for me, Kikwang thought, slightly disappointed. Then he rubbed his temple in pain, slowly feeling sick in the stomach.
"Are you okay?"
I should've eaten something before I came here. He hadn't had much appetite these past few weeks. "I'm fi--" Everything started to spin. Maybe not.
"Feeling better now?"
Kikwang nodded quietly, enjoying the air conditioner blow softly on his face.
Dongwoon entered the car and sat in front of the steering wheel. "It's nice and cool in here." In his hands were two cold cans of juice, presumably bought from a nearby vending machine. He gave one to Kikwang. "Here you go."
"Thanks." I didn't expect this kid would have his own car, Kikwang thought, opening the can and sipped it. Although it's a plain Daihatsu, it still says something. "I'm sorry for bothering you."
"It's okay, I already told the others that I'm going home early," Dongwoon said, starting up the car.
What? Kikwang nearly choked on his drink. Where are we going? He looked at the automatically locked doors, suddenly panicked.
As if reading his mind, Dongwoon added, "Before I drop you off, we need to get something to eat."
He just wants to have lunch together. Kikwang tried not to let Dongwoon see his relieved expression. Nothing weird is gonna happen. He reassured himself that he wasn't going to get kidnapped (or raped--this kid might not even be gay); it was just a friendly lunch offer.
"People who get heat strokes should eat enough," Dongwoon said again with a smile.
He's very kind.
"Just here, thanks."
The car stopped. Kikwang opened the door, mumbled a quick "Thank you" and got out of the car. Before he walked back to the house, Dongwoon handed him a piece of folded paper.
"Here's my number," the guy said. "You can call me anytime you need someone to talk to." With a quick wave, he drove off.
I didn't even ask for his number... Kikwang glanced at the paper, astonished. We've only just met.
During lunch, he had found out a few more things about Dongwoon: he was an only child, he lived alone, and his hobby was taking photos (he wanted to be a professional photographer). When Kikwang told him that he was at college, the high-schooler jokingly said he looked like they were the same age. Kikwang only told him briefly about Hyunseung--he didn't want to reveal as much as it was a painful story--but he sat there and actually listened. Even more surprising, he insisted on paying for the bill; he was such a good person.
But one thing's for sure: Dongwoon is indeed gay.
---
The next morning, Kikwang received a call from Jinki (that was expected). "Where the hell were you yesterday!?"
"I was home," Kikwang replied shortly, his eyes still focused on the TV.
"You liar!" The voice on the other line yelled. "Jonghyun said he saw you with some guy at Tony's!"
Uh-oh. "Jonghyun? Didn't he go with you guys to the amusement park?"
"He promised to accompany Kibum shopping. You know scary Kibum is when he doesn't get what he wants," Jinki said. "Anyway, that's not the point! So what the heck were you doing, ditching your friends for some guy?"
"No, you got it all wrong!" Kikwang lowered his voice when he saw his father glare at him from the couch. "We just met at the park, and suddenly he asked me out to lunch."
He could hear Jinki scoff. "Yeah, right. And you lied to Hongki about wanting to stay in bed all day because of Hyunseung!"
"It was true! I wanted to stay at home but my mum complained about me not having gone out for a while... so I took a walk in the park, and while I was sitting down that guy just suddenly approached me!"
"...Really?"
"Really!"
There was a pause before Jinki continued hesitantly. "That sounds fishy... but whatever. So, who's he?"
I knew that he just wanted to hear details. Sighing, Kikwang replied, "Some high school student."
Suddenly Jinki burst into laughter. "High school? Gee, Lee Kikwang, I never knew you were that type."
"He came on to me first!" Come to think about it, that kid was pretty brave.
"Yeah, what did you do to him? Winking at him while he was hanging around with his friends?"
"I didn't!"
"Okay, okay. I believe you. So... what's next?"
Kikwang blinked. "He gave me his number."
"Oooh! And then? You're gonna meet up with him? When's your next date?"
One question at a time, doofus. "I don't know..." Kikwang scratched his head.
"Is he good-looking? Which celebrity does he look like?"
Kikwang didn't want to be bombarded by questions in the morning. "Gotta go!"
"Yah! Ki--"
Kikwang hung up. Wait... He walked to his room lazily. Should I call him first? For Kikwang, it was probably the first time he'd ever call a guy--in his previous relationship, it was always Hyunseung who'd call first (which he regretted). He grabbed the piece of paper from the desk. Why am I so nervous? Since he gave his number, that should mean it's okay to call him.
Kikwang wanted to change for the better.
Dongwoon was leaning on his car, hands in his pockets (somehow it had become his trademark cool pose). He was wearing a T-shirt with simple design, and skinny jeans. When he saw Kikwang, his face lit up.
"Hey."
Kikwang smiled back. "Hey."
"Didn't expect you'd call me so soon," Dongwoon said with a laugh once they were inside the car. "So, where do you want to go today?"
Not the beach, Kikwang thought. I don't want to get a heat stroke again. "Um... I don't know."
"How about the shopping centre?" the tall guy offered. "It's cool in there and we can have a walk around, then lunch."
Sounds good. "Yeah!"
"You're very agreeable, huh," Dongwoon chuckled, then added, "Hyung."
Somehow the word made Kikwang feel uncomfortable. Indeed, he'd never been with guys younger than him; it was always the same age or older, and back then, he'd always called Hyunseung "oppa". So naturally, he didn't know how to react when Dongwoon called him that.
But... what am I thinking? We're not even a couple yet!
For the next few minutes Kikwang stared out of the window, looking at the people and buildings passing by. I've never gone on dates with a car before, he thought. With Hyunseung, it was always with public transport; even though it felt more relaxed, he had always wondered what it would be like if either he or Hyunseung had a car.
Suddenly Dongwoon interrupted his thoughts. "What would you be doing if you weren't out with me today?"
"Ah... I'd be watching TV or playing games." That's so boring.
"Games? What games?"
"Xbox 360."
"I play that, too!" Dongwoon said enthusiastically, as if happy to know that he and Kikwang shared something in common. "I still can't finish Dead Space."
The next few topics revolved around childhood memories, parents' occupation, and just random things. Kikwang found out that Dongwoon used to live in the Philippines, and his father was some professor at a university. They laughed a lot (Dongwoon was a very humorous guy), and there was never a moment when they had nothing to talk about.
He makes me feel so relaxed, Kikwang thought happily. This is probably the first time I've ever felt like that in a date.
Dongwoon pulled up in front of Kikwang's house. "Here you go."
"Thanks!" He's so well-mannered, friendly, and interesting. "I had a great time today."
As Kikwang was about to open the door, the tall guy leaned over and...
...kissed him on the lips.
It took Kikwang by huge surprise--but he didn't push Dongwoon away or anything. It was soft, and felt good.
To his surprise, Dongwoon broke the kiss off. "You're welcome to come over my place anytime," he said, smiling.
As the car disappeared around the corner, Kikwang touched his lips slowly. He could still feel the warm kiss.
So this is what it feels like to date someone younger than you, he thought. To be honest, he didn't expect such quick progression after only eight days (yes, he counted)--especially by a mere high school student.
And those words rang in his ear.
"...Come over my place anytime."
Kikwang opened the front door. He's inviting me to his place, so I have to go. "I'm home!" There's no reason not to. He figured if he hesitated and refused, it'd end up like how it was with Hyunseung. Besides, didn't I want to get a new boyfriend? No matter what happened, he had to maintain his relationship with Dongwoon. Maybe I can start anew with him...
Kikwang was glad he'd called Dongwoon and spent the day together.
---
"...Your first time?"
Kikwang leaned against the pillow, his back facing Dongwoon. "Yeah." So that's what sex is like. Judging from how good it was for him, it was clear Dongwoon had done it a few times before.
"Oh..."
He couldn't see Dongwoon's face, but somehow his voice sounded monotonous. They didn't exchange another word after that.
Maybe I shouldn't have said it was my first time.
Kikwang stood outside the apartment. "Thanks."
Dongwoon was standing by the door, giving him a thin smile.
Before he forgot, Kikwang asked, "When will I see you again?"
"I've got exams coming up," the other replied. "I'll be busy for a while." From the way he said it, Kikwang assumed that he didn't want them to meet up.
He was disappointed. "Oh... I see." What were you thinking? Of course he has exams--he's still in high school!
"See ya," Dongwoon said.
Kikwang nodded. "I'll call you."
Dongwoon didn't say anything.
As Kikwang was walking home (he didn't want to bother Dongwoon to drop him off again--besides, the apartment wasn't too far from where he lived), he began to feel uneasy. But for him to suddenly not wanting to meet up... did I do something wrong? Is he going to leave me? Then he clenched his fists. No! Stop thinking like that, Lee Kikwang! He took a deep breath. If he said he's going to be busy, then that means he really is busy! He couldn't have lied! he reassured himself.
"I'll be busy for a while."
Kikwang kicked a rock on the ground. For a while... he pondered. How long will that be?
---
It had been a week, and Dongwoon had kept his promise by not calling at all.
Should I call him? Kikwang contemplated. Is one week long enough? He didn't want to repeat the same mistake with Hyunseung because of the lack of communication.
So he dialled the number.
It got through, and a weak voice replied from the other line. "Hello...?"
He doesn't sound good. "Hey, it's me. Are you... are you alright?" Kikwang asked, worried. "What are you doing now?"
"Just sleeping... I caught a cold."
So that's what it is. "You've taken some meds?"
"Yeah, a few hours ago..."
"Have you eaten?"
"A little... um, I'm a bit sleepy now, so..."
You woke him up, idiot! "Oh... okay, I see. Sorry to disturb you, get well soon."
"Thanks, bye..."
He's got cold, Kikwang thought as he placed his phone on the floor. And he lives alone... will he be okay?
Exactly four hours after their last conversation, Kikwang was there in front of Dongwoon's door, located on the first floor.
Carrying a plastic bag of food in one hand, he saw the high-schooler outside the door, putting on his shoes. "Where are you off to?"
Dongwoon turned around. "Just buying some food... nothing important, really," he said with a casual shrug.
"Glad I came here on time!" Kikwang smiled. "I bought you some soup and other food." He showed the bag.
"You didn't have to--" Dongwoon was surprised.
"Come on, you need some rest," Kikwang said as they went inside.
---
The next day, Kikwang woke up later than usual. He glanced at the clock on his bedroom wall. 10:25AM.
I wonder if he slept well? Although he was glad that Dongwoon let him take care of him when he was sick (it really felt as if they were a couple!), he was still worried. He picked up his phone and dialled Dongwoon's number. I need to make sure nothing happens to him.
No one picked up.
Is he okay? he thought. When he left the apartment yesterday, Dongwoon seemed better. Should I bring some food over?
He pressed the bell.
Nobody answered.
He pressed a few times.
Still, no sign of anyone inside.
Is he sleeping? he wondered. Maybe he's still sick. Curious, Kikwang took out his phone and dialled Dongwoon's number.
"...the number you are trying to reach is currently switched off..."
Kikwang hung up. He turned it off... maybe he really wants to get some rest.
He left the bag of oranges in front of the door, and went home.
---
Should I call him again?
A few days later, Dongwoon still hadn't returned his calls.
Did he eat the oranges I gave him?
Kikwang tried calling again, but the same polite, female voice greeted him and told him the number was unavailable.
Why? He lied down on the bed. Why isn't he picking up? Is he trying to tell me it's over? He tried to go to the apartment earlier that morning, but no one seemed to be inside, so he went home again.
He closed his eyes, and Dongwoon's words echoed in his mind.
"Feeling better now?"
"Here's my number."
"You're welcome to come over my place anytime."
Although short, but it hurt even more than his break-up. Could I have fallen in love with this high school kid? Kikwang remembered the smile and laughter they shared. Just because I wanted to get even with Hyunseung and HyunA, I...
"...Your first time?"
He hugged the pillow tightly. I'm so stupid, thinking everything will go smoothly. He had suspected that it was too good to be true that he could start a new relationship just like that. But there was still one percent chance that we could make things work. Looking at his lifeless phone, Kikwang bit his lips anxiously. If he really did want to end it, then why didn't he say so?
Suddenly he felt angry. He really is a kid after all, he thought. He had no courage to tell me the truth. At least Hyunseung was able to tell him honestly he wanted to break up; owning a car and living on his own didn't make Dongwoon any more mature.
I have to end this stupid love game.
So there Kikwang was, once again, standing in front of the apartment. It's now or never, he told himself.
He rang the bell again. Of course, it was useless.
Swallowing nervously, he glanced at the air conditioner fan mounted next to the window.
Kikwang held his breath.
It's running.
The curtains were shut, but he could hear the noise of air conditioning inside.
He can't be out.
He dialled Dongwoon's number using his mother's phone that he had borrowed.
As expected, nobody picked up--but he could hear a ringing sound from behind the door.
He's inside and avoiding me.
Letting the phone ring, Kikwang sat down in front of the door. Maybe he really hates me now, he thought, resting his head on his knees. But I need to at least hear it from himself. Without knowing, he drifted off to sleep.
It was an awfully hot day, and he woke up feeling sick again. How long did I fall asleep for? He looked around, and saw no signs of anyone. This place is dead quiet, he thought, and looked up at the still doorknob. Is he really out?
Suddenly he heard the door opening slowly.
Maybe he...
As he turned around, he saw a glimpse of a hand--before he knew it, he was pulled inside. The door was shut behind him.
Kikwang didn't have the time to realise what had happened when he felt a thin rope around his neck.
Dongwoon wiped his sweat, huffing.
"How stupid..." he said, using his foot to even out the mound. "If I said I'm busy, it means it's over!" He dropped the shovel. "As a college student, you're used to playing around, right? If you were a nice person I thought you were, you should've understood when I stopped picking up your calls!" Panting, he went around the building and walked back inside the apartment. He took off his shoes, which were covered in dirt. "So annoying..."
He grabbed a can of juice from the fridge, running one hand through his hair. "Why am I only surrounded by these stalking whores?"
Suddenly his phone rang. Collecting his breath, he picked it up. "Hyunseung-hyung? Yeah, I took care of him. Really, he was such a pain."
Throwing the empty can to the bin filled with oranges, he took one last look at the three burial mounds outside the window.